


wanna chat?

by demistories



Series: squad up [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Gen, Group chat, a mess, i couldnt sleep, they have a group chat thats all this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 34,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demistories/pseuds/demistories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the real ladybug™ added flour power, Adrien Agreste, & drop the bass to this group<br/>the real ladybug™ renamed this group “squad up”</p><p>
  <i>they have a group chat</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. squad up

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the writing dry spell D: i promise that i’m working on tangled ribbons, i’m pretty close to finishing the chapter. thank you for being patient. but i needed to chill out last night and that somehow became....................this? originally i wasn't gonna post it here because i mean...it's just me fooling around? but i feel REALLY BAD about not posting ANYTHING so take the garbage i guess
> 
> ok but be honest, we’re all impressed that i didn’t do this like several months ago
> 
> it’s pretty obvious but:  
> the real ladybug™ = alya  
> flour power = marinette  
> drop the bass = nino  
> Adrien Agreste = hawk moth. no jk that is indeed just adrien (boring)
> 
> enjoy the weird

_20:57_ **  
**

_**the real ladybug™** added **flour power** , **Adrien Agreste** , & **drop the bass** to this group_

_**the real ladybug™** renamed this conversation to “squad up”_

**flour power:** What

 **the real ladybug™:** i cant believe i didnt think of this before

 **drop the bass:** bruh  
what up with this skpye shit  
discord is where its AT

 **flour power:** ^^^

 **the real ladybug™:** tf is discord  
and one google search later i find ur all bigger losers than i originally thought

 **drop the bass:** dude discord is like 100000x better

 **the real ladybug™:** shut ur face memelord

 **drop the bass:** adriens the one you should be calling memelord tbh

 **Adrien Agreste:** Honestly. I’m a little offended

 **the real ladybug™:** shut up

 **drop the bass:** discord  
discord  
diSCORD  
DISCORD

 **the real ladybug™:** I WILL KICK YOU

 **drop the bass:** do it i dare you

_**the real ladybug™** removed **drop the bass** from this group_

_**Adrien Agreste** added **drop the bass** to this group_

**the real ladybug™:** fuck u  
i made the chat i say we stay here

 **drop the bass:** the fuck kinda logic is that

 **the real ladybug™:** GOOD LOGIC

 **Adrien Agreste:** I’m gonna side with Alya here

 **the real ladybug™:** _HA_

 **drop the bass:** b r u h

 **Adrien Agreste:** We’re already here. Besides, Skype won’t be that bad if it’s just the four of us

 **drop the bass:** thats a lie and you know it

 **the real ladybug™:** discord sounds like bullshit  
fuck gamers

 **Adrien Agreste:** Aren’t you trying to?

 **the real ladybug™:** ………………………

 **drop the bass:** oh shit

 **the real ladybug™:** am i gonna have to wash ur mouth out with soap adrien agreste  
is ur pure cinnamon roll act a lie  
r u rlly a sinamon roll  
bc istg

 **drop the bass:** hey wasnt mar in this chat with us? where’d she go????

 **Adrien Agreste:** I wouldn’t know

 **the real ladybug™:** hmmmm  
brb nerds

* * *

_PM between **the real ladybug™** and **flour power**_

**the real ladybug™:** girl u good?

 **flour power:** Yeah Im fine

 **the real ladybug™:** k well u just sorta up and vanished on us  
sure everythings good??

 **flour power:** NO I CNAT TALK TO HIM

 **the real ladybug™:** ohhhhh

 **flour power:** YEAH _OH  
_ /muffled screaming

 **the real ladybug™:** nah ull be fine

 **flour power:** You are LYING!!!! Youre a LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **the real ladybug™:** mari srsly itll be fine  
kids a loser like the rest of us

 **flour power:** What if I just straight up die

 **the real ladybug™:** ngl id be kinda impressed  
but dont do that

 **flour power:** D: D: D: D:

* * *

_21:08 in **squad up**_

**the real ladybug™:** i’m back w the love of my life

 **Adrien Agreste:** Does that mean I get Nino?

 **the real ladybug™:** u can have him

 **drop the bass:** thats rude

 **the real ladybug™:** sry mari and i r getting married  
its gonna be a spring wedding

 **flour power:** Who decided that?????

 **Adrien Agreste:** Nino our wedding has to be better

 **drop the bass:** well were probably already screwed on the cake

 **the real ladybug™:** FUCK YEAH U R

 **drop the bass:** first of all fuck you second of all adrien you better be paying for this

 **Adrien Agreste:** FALL WEDDING

 **flour power:** Al I assume Im making the dresses

 **the real ladybug™:** hell yeaH!!!! ;*

 **drop the bass:** bro?

 **Adrien Agreste:** Do you want Gabriel originals or do you want me to see what strings I can pull?

 **flour power:** You know Im seeing that we’ve got a distinct disadvantage here

 **the real ladybug™:** shhh shhh  
its cool  
ill just sabotage their wedding

 **drop the bass:** da fuck

 **Adrien Agreste:** Yeah I call foul

 **the real ladybug™:** i call it leveling the playing field

 **flour power:** Im sure if you tried that on a teacher itd go over well

 **Adrien Agreste:** True

 **the real ladybug™:** wife!!!!!! how can u betray me like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **flour power:** Wait I thought we were still planning the wedding

 **drop the bass:** bro i am not marrying someone with their full name as their skype name

 **the real ladybug™:** ok but tbh  
its not school marshmallow ur allowed to chill out and use bad grammar and spelling  
u dont have 2 b a grandpa

 **drop the bass:** dude texts like one

_**Adrien Agreste** has changed their name to **grandpa**_

**grandpa:** Happy?

 **drop the bass:** wow

 **flour power:** Better than when Alya made my contact name ‘girl’

 **the real ladybug™:** bc ur the only girl for me babe

 **flour power:** <3 <3 <3

 **drop the bass:** o shit are we supposed to be this coupley

 **grandpa:** I love you

 **the real ladybug™:** wow pulling out the big guns

 **grandpa:** I’m 100% sincere in saying that

 **drop the bass:** wouldnt doubt it  
love you too

 **flour power:** I look away for two seconds

 **the real ladybug™:** ye dont do that in group chats  
its tru wuv

 **grandpa:** Mawage

 **drop the bass:** here we go

 **grandpa:** Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday

 **the real ladybug™:** well hes not wrong

 **flour power:** Wtf is happening

 **grandpa:** Mawage that bwessed awangment  
That dweam wifin a dweam

 **the real ladybug™:** /wipes tear/

 **grandpa:** And wuv  
Tru wuv

 **flour power:** No really what the hell is happening

 **drop the bass:** wait seriously????

 **the real ladybug™:** SHHHHH

 **grandpa:** Will fowow you foweva  
So tweasure your wuv

 **the real ladybug™:** skip to the end

 **grandpa:** Have you the wing?

 **flour power:** The wing????

 **drop the bass:** have you never seen the princess bride???????

 **flour power:** ……………

 **grandpa:** No way

 **the real ladybug™:** wow im an awful best friend

 **grandpa:** I can quote almost the entire movie

 **drop the bass:** thanks for your impressive demonstration dude

 **grandpa:** Any time for the love of my life

 **drop the bass:** aww bro

 **the real ladybug™:** I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE NEEVR SEEEN THE PRINCESS BRIDE IM CMONIG OVER RIGHT NWO

 **grandpa:** Wow that spelling

 **the real ladybug™:** SHUT UP OLD FART THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

_**grandpa** has changed their name to **old fart**_


	2. cuddle pile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i could probably come up with about a million parts of this. it’s good for when i’m blocked though because it requires like 0 thought on my part
> 
> keep enjoying the strange

_23:35 **  
**_

**the real ladybug™:** marinette is no longer deprived of the princess bride

 **drop the bass:** ayyy nice

 **old fart:** Did you like it?

 **flour power:** The effects were shit

 **drop the bass:** maybe but that humor

 **old fart:** My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

 **the real ladybug™:** its an iconic™ movie

 **old fart:** Honestly it’s why I started fencing

 **flour power:** Seriously??

 **drop the bass:** sweeeeeeet

 **old fart:** Yeah! The actors did almost all the sword fight scenes themselves and I just thought that was so cool. Plus, opportunity to be an actual knight in shining armor

 **the real ladybug™:** u r fucking adorable

 **drop the bass:** youre my knight in shining armor dude <3

 **old fart:** <3  
And I’d love to continue this conversation, but I have a shoot tomorrow at six and I want to get some sleep first

 **drop the bass:** wOW adrien agreste SLEEPING

 **the real ladybug™:** lol

 **old fart:** I’m going to ignore that. Goodnight!

 **the real ladybug™:** night marsh!!

 **flour power:** sleep well

 **drop the bass:** love you bro

 **the real ladybug™:** quick now that the goody two shoes is gone set everything on fire

 **drop the bass:** wtf

 **the real ladybug™:** lbr adrien is like 90% of the impulse control in this group

 **flour power:** Yeeeeaaaahh no youre not setting my living room on fire

 **drop the bass:** listen if you want fire just listen to my mixtape  
AYO

 **the real ladybug™:** thats it im breaking up w u

 **drop the bass:** good thing i have adrien to love me then

 **the real ladybug™:** well IM cuddling mari right now so whos the REAL WINNER

 **flour power:** Um yes Im trying to enjoy bad animated movies and fall asleep so can we maybe chill in the group chat

 **drop the bass:** yeah i got work in the morning anyway  
peace out

 **flour power:** Night! From Alya too shes just groaning about having already put her phone down

 **drop the bass:** lazy butt

 

_5:34_

_**old fart** has changed their name to **undead zombie model**_

**undead zombie model:** A reminder to eat breakfast and drink some water. Hope you got more sleep than I did. See you whenever I get a break

 

_7:48_

**drop the bass:** damn dude youre actually sunshine  
will do my man

 

_10:02_

**the real ladybug™:** the shit u ppl doing up so early

 **flour power:** They have jobs  
Please get off of me I cant feel my arm

 **the real ladybug™:** sry boo

 

_11:24_

**undead zombie model:** What expression do you make when your mom brings you a big plate of spaghetti?

 **the real ladybug™:** um  
listen marsh my mom may be a chef but as a very mature teenager i make most of my own food  
so my expression when i make myself a cup of instant noodles is kinda this dead inside thing

 **undead zombie model:** …yeah not exactly what I was looking for

 **flour power:** Modeling?

 **undead zombie model:** Yeah. Not sure why this photographer always insists on using that metaphor

 **flour power:** Go full on patronus on it  
Happiest memories  
Favorite jokes  
People you love  
Cast that patronus

 **undead zombie model:** That might actually work  
Thanks!

 **flour power:** Youre welcome! Good luck!!!

 

_13:_ _04_

**drop the bass:** bro you better be thinking of me

 

_18:34_

**undead zombie model:** Is everyone okay?

 **drop the bass:** i was on the other side of the city  
didnt even know it was happening until we got the news bulletin to stay inside  
long way of saying  
im good dude

 **undead zombie model:** Alya? Marinette?

 **flour power:** Im  
Good  
Sorry hit enter

 **the real ladybug™:** CHAT NOIR SAVED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **drop the bass:** whoa breathe babe

 **the real ladybug™:** NEVER I GOT CLOSE UP PICS!!!!!!!

 **flour power:** What do you mean he saved you?

 **the real ladybug™:** I ALMOST GOT HIT AND CHAT JUMPED IN AND GRABBED ME AND POLE VAULTED ME UP TO THE ROOF OF A BUILDING!!!!!!!  
AND I WAS LIVESTREAMJNG THE WHOLE TIME  
FUCK YEAH

 **undead zombie model:** You should really be more careful, Alya. That sounds like a close call

 **the real ladybug™:** pff i was fine noir had me  
besides ladybug has her cleansing magic to save the day  
no worries marshmallow  
i will show up to ur house if u want a hug tho

 **flour power:** Ladybug has her magic but  
I mean we should probably still be careful right??

 **drop the bass:** i guess that makes sense  
but als not wrong about ladybug fixing everything

 **undead zombie model:** I’m not home right now, but hugs would be appreciated. That was a more destructive akuma than usual, I think we should all be more careful

 **the real ladybug™:** jeez when did u 2 become my parents

 **flour power:** Just wanna see you safe love

 **the real ladybug™:** sometimes u gotta put urself in danger for the scoop

 **undead zombie model:** Or you could get the scoop from a safe distance?

 **the real ladybug™:** marsh where u at  
srsly turn on ur location  
im hugging u stat

 **drop the bass:** no way youre hugging adrien  
i get to hug him first

 **the real ladybug™:** #hugadrienagreste2k16 #giveadrienagresteahug2k16  
make em trend

 **drop the bass:** mar you better join in on this cuddle sesh

_**the real ladybug™** renamed this conversation to “cuddle pile”_

**the real ladybug™:** i will literally drag u to adrien marinette dupain cheng

 **flour power:** Sheesh Im on my way give me a sec

 

_2:56_

**the real ladybug™:** do u think pigeons have feelings  
im asking for a friend

 **drop the bass:** shut the fuck up

 

_5:39_

**undead zombie model:** Why does your friend want to know if pigeons have feelings?

 

_8:10_

**the real ladybug™:** why do u not have a normal sleeping schedule  
its SUNDAY!!!!! sleep boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **flour power:** Al  
Why were you thinking about pigeons at 3 in the morning

 **the real ladybug™:** I JUST WAS!!!!!!!  
dont judge me  
this is a judge free zone

 **drop the bass:** not kinkshame free

 **the real ladybug™:** istg

 **drop the bass:** i will kinkshame all of you

_**flour power** left this group_

**the real ladybug™:** oh no u dont

_**the real ladybug™** added **flour power** to this group_

**the real ladybug™:** get ur ass back in here girl

_**drop the bass** renamed this conversation to “im kinkshaming”_

**the real ladybug™:** fuck u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this 'in character' you speak of


	3. homework free zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok last one and then i'll go do something ACTUALLY productive. hopefully. 
> 
> i no longer know what's going on here
> 
> TIME JUMP!

_19:23_

**flour power:** Does anyone get the physics homework cause Im _beyond_ lost

 **undead zombie model:** Yeah  
What do you need help on?

 **the real ladybug™:** NOPE  
NO HW TALK IN THIS CHAT  
THIS IS A HW FREE ZONE

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _renamed this conversation to_   _“HOMEWORK FREE ZONE”._

 **drop the bass:** for once i agree

 **flour power:** But physics

 **undead zombie model:** I’ll PM you

 **the real ladybug™:** …………………………….

 **drop the bass:** whats that for  
al theyre talking about hw

 **the real ladybug™:** pM NOW

* * *

 _PM between_ **_the real ladybug™_ ** _and_ **_drop the bass_ **

**the real ladybug™:** WHAT DO WE DO

 **drop the bass:** about??

 **the real ladybug™:** T H E M  
IM TIRED OF WAITING

 **drop the bass:** wait for what

 **the real ladybug™:** JESUS FUCK NINO  
ADRIEN AND MARI NEED OT JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY

 **drop the bass:** oh were on that again

 **the real ladybug™:** i did not ask for ur sass

 **drop the bass:** chill babe itll happen if its gonna happen

 **the real ladybug™:** ur too chill about this

 **drop the bass:** and youre not chill enough

 **the real ladybug™:** MAUBE U DONT EVEN WANT THEM TOGETHER

 **drop the bass:** never said that

 **the real ladybug™:** UR THINKING IT

 **drop the bass:** the fuck  
you cant read minds al you have no idea what im thinking

 **the real ladybug™:** UR THINKING IM OVERREACTING

 **drop the bass:** well shit

 **the real ladybug™:** UR DUMPT

 **drop the bass:** damn and so close to three months

* * *

 _19:43 in_ _HOMEWORK_ _FREE_ _ZONE_

 **undead zombie model:** Ok we’re done talking about homework, can we come back now

 **the real ladybug™:** hmmmm  
bring me coffee tomorrow morning?

 **undead zombie model:** Sure

 **drop the bass:** wait  
what the fuck  
why does she get coffee

 **undead zombie model:** Do you want coffee?

 **drop the bass:** yeah dude

 **undead zombie model:** Mari you want anything?

 **flour power:** I mean Im usually late?

 **undead zombie model:** The magic of thermoses

 **flour power:** Tea would be nice

 **undead zombie model:** I can do tea

 **the real ladybug™:** adrien agreste is the most important person in my life

 

_20:34_

**drop the bass:** hey al i got you some pics of the patrol tonight

 **the real ladybug™:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
ur the best bf ever

 **drop the bass:** i thought i was dumpt

 **the real ladybug™:** never  
love u babe <3 <3 <3

 

_21:10_

**the real ladybug™:** hey mar did i leave my notebook at ur house yesterday??

 

_21:22_

**the real ladybug™:** mari?

 **drop the bass:** nah you had it in class today

 **the real ladybug™:** hmmm idk where i put it

 **drop the bass:** rip

 

_21:37_

**drop the bass:** adrien bro answer your phone

 

_22:02_

**flour power:** SORRY AL!!!!!!!! I was helping my dad with stuff

 **the real ladybug™:** its cool girl  
i found it anyway

 **flour power:** Ok good because I want that dress design I doodled in the back cover

 **the real ladybug™:** ill send u a pic

 **flour power:** Thank you!!! Youre a life saver

 **the real ladybug™:** i know ;)

 

_22:11_

**drop the bass:** thought id let you all know adrien isnt dead

 **the real ladybug™:** well thats good  
who was gonna be the sunshine in my life

 **flour power:** excuse me

 **the real ladybug™:** shit ur right  
what did i do b4 coming to this school  
i had no mari  
i had no marsh  
i had no light in my life

 **drop the bass:** way to not mention your actual boyfriend

 **the real ladybug™:** shhhhhhh im thanking the universe for giving us adrien agreste and marinette dupain cheng  
as one should  
join me

 **drop the bass:** thank you universe

 **flour power:** Youre both ridiculous

 **the real ladybug™:** listen  
light of my life  
love of my life

 **flour power:** ok?

 **drop the bass:** is she pausing for dramatic effect  
that doesnt work the same over text

 **undead zombie model:** What’s happening?

 **flour power:** Alyas being dramatic

 **drop the bass:** so nothing new

 **the real ladybug™:** adrien  
i love u  
u are my sun  
my son  
my pride and joy

 **undead zombie model:** Thank you? I love you too

 **flour power:** Um Nino is Alya ok?

 **the real ladybug™:** I JUST LOVE U ALL SO MUCH  
CANT U ACCEPT MY LOVE

 **undead zombie model:** Of course we can, but I think you probably need some sleep

 **the real ladybug™:** the sun has spoken

 **flour power:** If it werent after 22 Id come check on you but it is kind of late

 **undead zombie model:** You were up pretty late last night with the akuma attack

 **flour power:** Adriens right  
Maybe you should go to bed

 **the real ladybug™:** wait i thought u 2 were the children  
i am your parents

 **drop the bass:** i cant tell if im really tired or if i actually have no idea whats going on in this chat

 **flour power:** Go with both

 **drop the bass:** sounds good bro

 **the real ladybug™:** i love u too nino  
i love u and i love our children

 **undead zombie model:** I feel like you lost me somewhere

 **the real ladybug™:** DONT WORRY ILL FIND YOU SUNSHINE

 **flour power:** Ok time for bed Al  
We all love you too and we will see you in the morning

 **the real ladybug™:** if the light of my life insists

 **flour power:** She does

 **the real ladybug™:** goODNIGHT

 **undead zombie model:** Goodnight

 **drop the bass:** what the fuck just happened

 **flour power:** And that is what happens when Alya goes too many nights with not enough sleep

 **undead zombie model:** How do you know how much sleep she gets?

 **flour power:** Blog activity

 **undead zombie model:** OH

 **drop the bass:** yeah now that i think about it that shouldve been obvious

 **flour power:** Not to mention it’s really easy to tell when she goes running after akuma after midnight

 **undead zombie model:** Also true

 **drop the bass:** dude it sucks that there are more night akumas  
like i mean akumas suck in general  
but man  
it must really suck for chat and ladybug  
i barely sleep when there are night akumas and im not even fighting

 **flour power:** Maybe they nap during the day

 **undead zombie model:** Or just run on not enough sleep  
Like the rest of us

 **drop the bass:** listen dude i know you run on like 5 hours of sleep but those two must run on even less  
rip them

 **flour power:** I was up late last night too  
The akuma was close by, couldnt sleep  
Talk to you tomorrow!

 **drop the bass:** night mar

 **undead zombie model:** See you tomorrow!

 **drop the bass:** i think thats supposed to cue us to go to sleep too

 **undead zombie model:** Sleep is for the weak

 **drop the bass:** bruh  
ill see you in the morning for coffee  
night my man  <3

 **undead zombie model:** Night <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the closest thing to crack you'll ever get from me
> 
> ........damn now i kinda want to write adrien bringing everyone coffee............................................


	4. sunshine swore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how are my avoidance tactics working? anyway i just needed to write something before starting homework today and that means you get whatever this is. enjoy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jazz hands*
> 
> am i allowed to tag this djwifi

_23:59_

**the real ladybug™:** /loud groaning/

 **drop the bass:** what up

 **flour power:** I thought you were going to bed lile an hour ago  
*like

 **the real ladybug™:** i cant SLEEP

 **drop the bass:** did you try counting sheep

 **the real ladybug™:** thats bullshit and u know it

 **drop the bass:** bruh it works for some people

 **flour power:** Just relax al

 **the real ladybug™:** r U rlly telling ME to relax

 **flour power:** Yes

 **undead zombie model:** I thought everyone was going to bed?

 **the real ladybug™:** then y arent U in bed m.???  
im very disappointed in u

 **undead zombie model:** Well if none of us are in bed are you disappointed in all of us?

 **the real ladybug™:** do not try to logic me m.

 **drop the bass:** it is too late for logic

 **flour power:** You guys do remember that we have a test tomorrow

 **the real ladybug™:** screw the test!!!!!!!!  
anarchy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **undead zombie model:** It took longer for her to say that than I expected

 **flour power:** Meh

 **drop the bass:** uhhhh

 **undead zombie model:** What is it?

 **drop the bass:** well  
bro  
ive got a quesiton

 **undead zombie model:** Go for it

 **drop the bass:** what are the odds  
that if theres an akuma attack  
RIGHT NOW  
theyll postpone the test

 **the real ladybug™:** AKUMA??!?!?!??!!

 **flour power:** Shit

 **undead zombie model:** I’d say it probably depends on where the akuma is, how long it lasts for, how destructive it is, how loud it is, if anyone aside from Ladybug and Chat get involved

 **flour power:** Gtg I can hear someone coming up to my room gotta pretend Im sleeping

 **the real ladybug™:** oh fUCK THAT THINGS HUGE

 **drop the bass:** thats what she said

 **the real ladybug™:** SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER HERE UR GONNA WANNA SEE THIS ONE LIVE

 **undead zombie model:** Oh we aren’t talking in hypotheticals  
Shit

 **drop the bass:** _dude_

 **the real ladybug™:** DID U JUST SWEAR  
THE SUNSHINE CHILD SWORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **undead zombie model:** I have noise canceling headphones in!

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _renamed this conversation “SUNSHINE SWORE”_

 **drop the bass:** its a good thing youre cute

 **the real ladybug™:** NINO U COMING OR NOT

 **drop the bass:** ok i actually dont trust you on your own right now ill be over asap  
if i can sneak out

 **the real ladybug™:** like thats a question

 

_1:37_

**drop the bass:** @ al  
hmu when you finish posting so i know to yell at you if youre still online

 **the real ladybug™:** psh ill be fine

 **drop the bass:** bruh its almost 2

 **the real ladybug™:** ur point???????

 **drop the bass:** sleep babe

 **the real ladybug™:** one day i will sleep  
today is not that day

 **drop the bass:** good thing its still technically night

 **the real ladybug™:** no luv u no mo

 **drop the bass:** im too tired for this shit

 **flour power:** Youre still up?????????

 **the real ladybug™:** the attack JUST ended what do u mean STILL

 **flour power:** Are we really all saying screw the tesT?

 **the real ladybug™:** FUCK THE TEST  
FUCK THE SYSTEM

 **drop the bass:** GO TO BED

 **the real ladybug™:** THE VIDEOS STILL UPLOADING

 **flour power:** All your caps are making my head hurt

 **the real ladybug™:** k y u still up boo?

 **flour power:** Do you think _anyone_ couldve slept through that???

 **drop the bass:** adrien  
and his noise canceling headphones

 **flour power:** Maybe we all need to invest in those

 **the real ladybug™:** f i n a l l y  
why does uploading videos take 14 yrs i knew i shouldve just livestreamed all of it instea d of doing the interview separate

 **drop the bass:** can we all sleep now

 **the real ladybug™:** u couldve slept without me babe

 **drop the bass:** no way if i go to bed before you youll never sleep

 **flour power:** You two are already like an old married couple  
Gross

 **the real ladybug™:** at least we acted on our feelings oH SHIT

 **flour power:** >:(  
Im too tired to deal with this right now

 **the real ladybug™:** just ask him out already

 **drop the bass:** are we talking about

 **the real ladybug™:** yes  
who else do i talk about

 **drop the bass:** ladybug and chat

 **the real ladybug™:** k bUT LADYNOIR IS REAL

 **flour power:** Alya come on its too late for this

 **the real ladybug™:** ITS NEVER TOO LATE FOR TRUE LOVE  
but thats not the point  
the point is the OTHER true love were talking about

 **drop the bass:** can we matchmake in the morning

 **flour power:** ^^^^

 **the real ladybug™:** ugh FINE  
u 2 r boring

 **flour power:** _goodnight_

 **the real ladybug™:** whatever

 **drop the bass:** come on babe

 **the real ladybug™:** im going im going  
night 

 **drop the bass:** night

 

_5:21_

**undead zombie model:** Right so I’m bringing coffee today because you’re clearly all dead

 

_7:37_

**the real ladybug™:** :’)  
what have we done  
to deserve such precious sunshine in our lives  
marsh  <4

 **drop the bass:** why is my phone blowing up

 **the real ladybug™:** because marshmallow is the best <4 <4 <4

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _renamed this conversation to “adrien agreste: too good for this word. too pure”._

 **undead zombie model:** It’s just coffee?

 **the real ladybug™:** *my lifeblood

 **drop the bass:** same

 **undead zombie model:** My mistake

 

_8:11_

**flour power:** SHIT

 **the real ladybug™** : u can do it!!!

 **undead zombie model:** Gotta go fast

 **the real ladybug™:** get the fuck out of here

 **drop the bass:** will she make it?

 **flour power:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

_12:21_

**the real ladybug™:** i die

 **flour power:** Me too

 **the real ladybug™:** i dont think i can cram anymore

 **drop the bass:** well lunch is almost over

 **flour power:** Crap I forgot to eat lunch

 **the real ladybug™:** mari mari quite contrary  
how does ur garden grow  
with silver bells and cockleshells  
and forgets-it-alls in a row

 **drop the bass:** how the hell do you remember something like that but cant study for tests

 **the real ladybug™:** duh  
this is more important  
and it rhymes

 **flour power:** Ill just not eat lunch then

 **_flour power_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_starving and dying_ **

**the real ladybug™:** u arent allowed ot die on me yet  
were hanging out after school

 **_starving and dying_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_starving and dying inside_ **

**the real ladybug™:** better


	5. nothing to do with screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brain.....is so..............dead................................
> 
> maybe you can find something funny in this??? i don't know i have to go back to reading ap english summer work and i don't want to. what is this garbage i keep putting up

_7:52_

**starving and dying inside:** The bags under my eyes are h u g e

 **drop the bass:** bruh youre awake before 8???

 **starving and dying inside:** :P  
I cant find my under eye concealer anywhere D’:  
Ughhhhh wtf I look like I got punched in the face

 **the real ladybug™:** ayy morning mari my love  
but thats to be expected i mean  
who can get any sleep with all these akuma attacks??

 **drop the bass:** adrien

 **undead zombie model:** What?

 **drop the bass:** and his noise canceling headphones

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _renamed this conversation to “noise canceling headphones”._

 **starving and dying inside:** WHere did it gooooo???????????  
Come back to me concealer  
D: D: D:

 **undead zombie model:** Do you want to borrow some of mine?  
We don’t have the same skin tone but I found some stuff that I had for winter and never got rid of, and it supposedly adjusts to your skin tone? It might be better than nothing

 **starving and dying inside:** !!!!!!!!  
YES PLEASE!!!!  
<3 <3 <3  
Youre literally a lifesaver  
I could kiss you

 **the real ladybug™:** do it

 **starving and dying inside:** Wait what

 **undead zombie model:** Haha no problem, I’ll bring it to school?

 **starving and dying inside:** Sounds good!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

 **drop the bass:** bro  
why are you never hitting me up with fancy makeup

 **undead zombie model:** I mean I can  
You’d have to give me a few days though because I don’t have anything in your skin tone

 **drop the bass:** nah no need  
ive told you i love you right  
because bro i love you

* * *

 _PM between_ **_the real ladybug™_ ** _and_ **_starving and dying inside_**

 **the real ladybug™:** u r literally killing me here mar

 **starving and dying inside:** Oh my god please shut up

 **the real ladybug™:** just ask him out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
going offline will not save u  
mari  
mari  
well  
ill see u at school then  
u lovesick loser

* * *

 _14:04 in_ **_noise canceling headphones_ **

**the real ladybug™:** do u think if i just screamed really loudly chat and ladybug would come to me

 **drop the bass:** dude what the fuck

 **the real ladybug™:** pls take this seriously

 **starving and dying inside:** How would they hear you?? I dont think they have superhearing

 **the real ladybug™:** CHAT NOIR DOES  
WHAT KINDO F FAN R U

 **starving and dying inside:** Um  
Not one

 **undead zombie model:** How can you not love Chat Noir?  
Or _Ladybug_?

 **the real ladybug™:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
sunshine son asking the real questions

 **drop the bass:** yeah come on mar

 **starving and dying inside:** Im sorry I dont know everything about ladybug and chat

 **the real ladybug™:** apology accepted  
thats y u have me  
to tell u these things  
now do u think itll work

 **undead zombie model:** I’m going to take a guess and go with no

 **drop the bass:** yeah gonna have to side with adrien here  
probably not gonna happen babe

 **the real ladybug™:** this is rude

 **undead zombie model:** Just being honest  
Besides, what if Chat’s superhearing doesn’t work when he’s not Chat Noir?

 **the real ladybug™:** ……..  
well  
shit

 **starving and dying inside:** There goes your plan huh?

 **the real ladybug™:** shhhhHHHH IVE GOT THIS

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _has renamed this conversation to “endless screaming. forever.”._

 **undead zombie model:** Well I guess that’s one way to handle it

 **the real ladybug™:** they will hear me eventually

 **drop the bass:** jfc

 

_23:27_

**the real ladybug™:** ok what about this

 **starving and dying inside:** Uh oh

 **drop the bass:** i knew this chat was too quiet

 **the real ladybug™:** shut up this has nothing to do with screaming

 **_undead zombie model_ ** _has renamed this conversation to “nothing to do with screaming”._

 **the real ladybug™:** marshmallow  plEASE

 **undead zombie model:** Continue

 **the real ladybug™:** u know how when ladybug and chat do press stuff theres like a million people around  
what if like  
they were in an area w a speaker system  
and someone hacked it  
and started blasting music

 **starving and dying inside:**  ?????  
What  
Why

 **undead zombie model:** Good question

 **drop the bass:** what the hell babe why would anyone do that

 **the real ladybug™:** what if someone did that  
what would happen

 **starving and dying inside:** Music would be playing????????

 **the real ladybug™:** ye but like  
what would happen

 **undead zombie model:** I think this is a sign that no one has been able to get enough sleep the past few weeks

 **the real ladybug™:** marsh  
please  
what if

 **undead zombie model:** People would probably be confused?

 **drop the bass:** maybe someone would dance  
idk bro  
go to bed

 **the real ladybug™:** like what if this just started playing  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90)

**undead zombie model:** Um

 **drop the bass:** why are we going back to 2009

 **starving and dying inside:** ^^^^^  
Why are you listening to the black eyed peas at almost midnight

 **the real ladybug™:** it jUST HAPPENED OK  
DO U THINK CHAT OWULD DANCE

 **starving and dying inside:** Why chat/????

 **the real ladybug™:** hes probably a gr9 dancer lbr

 **starving and dying inside:** Yeah not sure where you got that idea

 **undead zombie model:** I don’t know, I think he probably has some moves

 **starving and dying inside:** Oh god

 **drop the bass:** alya  
are you at home

 **the real ladybug™:** ummmmmmmmm y???

 **drop the bass:** fucking boom boom pow is going to be sTUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF TIME

 **the real ladybug™:** r i p

 **drop the bass:** were OVER  
THIS FUCKING SONG

 **the real ladybug™:** i got that boom boom pow

 **undead zombie model:** I don’t remember this song

 **drop the bass:** dude  
bruh  
dont listen to it  
dont do it  
itll be stuck in your head for forever

 **starving and dying inside:** until 3008

 **the real ladybug™:** UR SO 2000 AND LATE

 **drop the bass:** why is this happening to me

 **the real ladybug™:** let it happen  
LET THE BEAT ROCK

 **drop the bass:** dont do this

 **the real ladybug™:** THIS BEAT BE BUMPIN BUMPIN   
THIS BEAT GO BOOM BOOM

 

_00:18_

**undead zombie model:** I’m never going to be able to sleep  
This song is stuck in my head

 **the real ladybug™:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

 **drop the bass:** can hawk moth please akumatize me so i can fight you

 **the real ladybug™:** COME AT ME BROOOOOOO

 **starving and dying inside:** G O  T O  B E D  H O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O L Y  S H I T

 

_2:47_

**_drop the bass_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_rockin’ the beats_ ** ****

_3:15_

**the real ladybug™:** HELLLLLL YEAAAAAHHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom boom pow
> 
> has been 
> 
> stuck in my head
> 
> FOR THREE DAYS
> 
>  
> 
> why


	6. mystery inc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm taking a fanfic break but i don't reeeaaaaaalllllllllllly consider this fanfic so it's ok. and i'm taking a break from my short stories which got...dark. 
> 
> anyway. i mention this weird commercial a bunch and it's [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6B47MUIwzk) that i keep seeing late at night?? and i wrote down random comments i had on my phone and BOOM! alya. 
> 
> also???? what is this plot doing in my crack????????? why is there even the smallest bit of plot and continuity what's happening
> 
> enjoy? i don't know?

_3:15_

**rockin’ the beats:** you think lb and cn will let me tag along to punch hawk moth in the face? 

**the real ladybug™:** sign me tHE FUCK UP  
thIS IS BULLSHIT

 

_3:27_

**the real ladybug™:** u think i could start outsourcing ladyblog stuff 2 ppl who dont have curfew cuz like  
this is cramping my groove

 **rockin’ the beats:** ‘cramping your groove’??????

 **the real ladybug™:** ye _cramping my groove  
_ got a problme with it m. off the chain??

 **rockin’ the beats:** fuck you

 

_4:01_

**the real ladybug™:** guys  
what the hell is this commericla  
the duck  
fuck  
theyr bowling w perfume  
why  
what  
i dont

 **_starving and dying inside_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_shut up im sleeping_ **

**_undead zombie model_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_dead model_ **

**_rockin’ the beats_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_fuck this_ **

**the real ladybug™:** k  
fuk u  
all of u  
and pls explain this commerical  
y would u bowl perfmue bottles

 **shut up im sleeping:** Why are you still awake  
The attack ended five minutes ago

 **the real ladybug™:** lol  
5 minutes  
fuck hawk moth  
right in the butt  
kick him in the dick  
repeatedly  
and when he falls to the ground  
kick him in the side  
i need hawk moth to b l e e d

 **fuck this:** holy shit

 **dead model:** That was too graphic for 4 in the morning

 **the real ladybug™:** its never too early for literally murdering hawk moth  
where the fukc is my sleep  
and why the fuck are they boWLING PERFUME BOTTESL WHATSS HAPPENIDNG

 **fuck this:** babe please go to bed

 **the real ladybug™:** im literally dying

 **shut up im sleeping:** Alya please try to sleep  
We still have school in the monring

 **fuck this:** fuck knows why

 **dead model:** We can’t just stop school because of Hawk Moth. Maybe if they were more rare than every few days

 **the real ladybug™:** can i cry

 **dead model:** I’ll bring coffee

 **the real ladybug™:** GOD BLESS US  
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 **fuck this:** cool goodnight

 **shut up im sleeping:** _zzzzzzzzz_

 

_4:23_

**the real ladybug™:** wait shit  
imt he only one with my original name  
when the whole squad moves on but you cant :’(

 **dead model:** Please  
Please go to sleep

 **the real ladybug™:** but ur awake sunshine

 **dead model:** The actual sun will be awake soon, you need sleep

 **the real ladybug™:** lol wats that

 **dead model:** Alya please

 **the real ladybug™:** _babe_

 **dead model:** Sorry, not Nino  
But he’d be telling you to sleep too. If he were awake. Which he’s not. Because he’s sleeping. Like you should be

 **the real ladybug™:** u r my bae too  
ur all my baes  
were all dating each other  
i just decided

 **dead model:** Okay  
Well  
We can talk about this in a few hours  
When I bring you coffee at school  
But you need to get some sleep first

 **the real ladybug™:** what or ull break up w me?

 **dead model:** Yes

 **the real ladybug™:** o shit  
this got real

 **dead model:** Go to sleep?

 **the real ladybug™:** ill lay in bed and pretend

 **dead model:** Good enough for me  
Night

 **the real ladybug™:** night marshmallow  
ilysm

 

_7:12_

**fuck this:** fuck this

 **the real ladybug™:** uve already told us that with ur usernmae

 **fuck this:** well then it needs to be said again  
fuck this

 **the real ladybug™:** think we could make school night school  
cuz like  
the fuck  
how is this fair to literally anyone

 **dead model:** Life’s not fair

 **the real ladybug™:** bae  
listen  
im too tired for that bullshit

 **fuck this:** ^^^^^^^^^^

 **dead model:** I promised I would bring coffee, I’m bringing coffee

 **the real ladybug™:** still #deadinside  
but ily

 **fuck this:** why do i get the feeling you love adrien more than you love me

 **the real ladybug™:** i do **  
** but you also love him more than me

 **fuck this:** ok thats fair

 **the real ladybug™:** mari also loves adrien more than both of us  
all of us love adrien more than life itself  
this is a fact of the universe

 **fuck this:** true bro

 **shut up im sleeping:** What about loving Adrien

 **the real ladybug™:** MARI!!!! <3 <3 <3

 **fuck this:** shit youre awake??

 **dead model:** Hey! Morning Mari!

 **shut up im sleeping:** Ahahahaha you say that like I slept

 **the real ladybug™:** rip

 **fuck this:** ^^

 **_shut up im sleeping_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_#dead_ **

**dead model:** Me too

 **the real ladybug™:** MATCHING USERNAMES!!!!!!!!

 **#dead:** Were teenagers  
Were all dead inside

 

_11:02_

**the real ladybug™:** ok but for real this time  
this is no longer fair to lb and cn

 **fuck this:** no offense al  
but i get the feeling that maybe  
just mabye  
hm doesnt care if its not fair

 **the real ladybug™:** k YEAH but what does hm DO ALL DAY  
DOES HE JUST STAND AROUND SENDING OUT AKUMA  
LIKE FUCK THAT  
GET OUT HERE AND THROW A PUNCH FOR ONCE  
BE A REAL SUPERVILLAIN  
BECAUSE YOURE NOT  
YOURE A COWARD  
A COWARD WHO IS ATTACKING TEENAGERS (i think)  
GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE  
FIGHT THEM LIKE THE VILLAIN YOU CLAIM TO BE

 **fuck this:** better?

 **the real ladybug™:** im gonna **punch him in the dick**

 

_11:36_

**#dead:** Alya why did you post ‘lets all get together and punch hawk moth in the dick’ on the ladyblog tumblr

 **the real ladybug™:** bc im gonna do it

 **dead model:** We’d need to find Hawk Moth first

 **the real ladybug™:** fine  
ill find hm  
and ill punch him in the dick  
break his nose  
and rip out his spine

 **dead model:** I thought you reserved that for 4 in the morning

 **the real ladybug™:** babe  
thats my secret  
im always angry

 **fuck this:** i feel like thats exactly what hm wants

 **the real ladybug™:** if he akumatizes me again im gonna use that to fucking murder him

 **#dead:** Wow  
How would that work??

 **the real ladybug™:** idk still working on it

 **_the real ladybug™_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_jinkies!_ **

**_jinkes!_ ** _renamed this conversation to “mystery inc”._

 **fuck this:** if youre velma who are the rest of us

 **jinkies!:** well marshmallow is clearly freddie bc hes the dashing blond  
he may not have an ascot or be the leader  
(bc thats clearly me)  
but hes got the charm  
change ur name marsh

 **dead model:** Ok?

 **_dead model_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_freddie_ **

**jinkies!** : sweet  
k well mari is daphne  
bc fashion and style and ass kicking  
and  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **freddie:** What do you mean by that?

 **#dead:** Nothing   
Shes being ridiculous

 **jinkies!:** ye  
_ridiculous_

 **_#dead_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_blake_ **

**blake:** Good?

 **jinkies!:** a++

 **fuck this:** if you say im scooby im fucking leaving

 **freddie:** Scooby is a very important part of the team  
He’s the reason they solve the case almost every time

 **blake:** Hes not wrong

 **jinkes!:** truuuuu  
besides ur shaggy  
idk who our scooby is yet  
but anyway  
time for a name change babe

 **_fuck this_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_zoinks_ **

**zoinks:** happy?

 **jinkies!:** <3 <3 <3<3  
alright gang  
lets catch us a white dude in a mask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so theres a lot of name changes in this chapter and i THINK with the texting styles its clear, but just to be safe, heres the end count
> 
> jinkies! = alya  
> zoinks = nino  
> blake = marinette  
> freddie = adrien 
> 
> what am i doing


	7. civil war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "#but also we were thinking about adrinette chip discourse #it would be like #a 10k word chapter in wanna chat" [reyna](http://reyxa.tumblr.com) barely even asked buT HERE I AM  
> rey, [frostedpuffs](http://frostedpuffs.tumblr.com), and [itsnotyou-itsmimi](http://itsnotyou-itsmimi.tumblr.com/) were arguing over salt and vinegar chips and i got dragged into the #chipdiscourse and here we are
> 
> i mean other stuff happens. but the discourse is the important thing here
> 
> (quick brush up on the nicknames:  
> jinkies! = alya  
> zoinks = nino  
> freddie = adrien  
> blake = marinette)
> 
> its war. civil war. 
> 
> (also salt and vinegar chips are gross)

_10:24_

**zoinks:** fucking plot twist

 **jinkes!:** go the FUCK back to sleep   
i _earned_ this sleep   
and u need it 2  
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
_goodnight babe goddamn_

 **zoinks:** ok sheesh  
ill go back to bed

 **jinkies!:** thnx ily

 

_13:25_

**jinkies!:** i feel alliIIIIIIVVVVEEEEEEEE

 **zoinks:** hey youre up

 **jinkies!:** pls tell me u slept babe

 **zoinks:** yeah i only got up like an hour ago

 **jinkies!:** god bless  
have u heard from either of the nerds

 **zoinks:** nah not yet  
adrien was supposed to have a shoot today but they mightve moved it???  
its been a really rough week

 **jinkies!:** shit ur preaching to the choir fam  
i just hope theyre sleeping and not being the overachievers they are

 **zoinks:** youre an overachiever too

 **jinkies!:** u say that about me m. music man  
lets pm so we dont keep blowing up their phones

 **zoinks:** smart

 **jinkies!:** i know ;*

 

_17:19_

**jinkies!:** get a load of this dog!!!!

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has sent a photo  
_ [photo of Alya and a beagle. Alya is holding up a peace sign as the beagle sniffs her hair.]

 **zoinks:** rad

 **blake:** Aww!!!

 **jinkies!:** the perfect scooby

 **blake:** Wait what

 **_jinkes!_ ** has sent a photo  
[photo of Alya hugging the beagle]  
**_jinkies!_ ** has sent a photo  
**_jinkies!_ ** has sent a photo  
**_jinkies!_ ** has sent a photo  
[three photos of the beagle]

 **blake:** Alya  
Dont tell me you got a dog for a joke

 **jinkies!:** look at how precious he is

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has sent a photo  
_ [photo of one of Alya’s younger sisters playing with the beagle]

 **blake:** Alya  
**DID YOU GET A DOG  
** **FOR A FUCKING SKYPE JOKE**

 **jinkies!:** lmao

 **blake:** I am literally  
Your dad is allergic to dog s???????

 **jinkies!:** i kno :’(

 **zoinks:** o shit i forgot about that  
babe did you actually get a dog  
thats a commitment im not ready for

 **jinkies!:** dude were dating not married

 **zoinks:** still?????  
if you got a dog its going to be as much a part of my life as yours

 **jinkies!:** you two are the worst

 **zoinks:** hey i LOVE dogs  
i just was not ready for this next step

 **freddie:** You say that like she asked you to move in

 **zoinks:** bruh  
this is the teenage equivalent

 **jinkies!:** no?????

 **freddie:** I really don’t think it is??  
Anyway I’m more of a cat person

 **jinkies!:** @ mari

 **blake:** What

 **jinkies!:** u should tell fred about the cat you adopted when u were little

 **blake:** Oh god

 **zoinks:** dude thats like my favorite story

 **freddie:** You adopted a cat??

 **blake:** I DIDNT MEAN TO

 **zoinks:** pffff didnt mean to  
mar you stuffed a kitten in your jacket

 **blake:** I WAS SEVEN

 **zoinks:** IN YOUR JACKET

 **blake:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
l i s t e n  
That kitten was cute and I named him felix and I loved him

 **zoinks:** for the two hours you had him

 **freddie:** That’s actually really sweet  
Kind of adorable

 **jinkies!:** THATS WHAT I KEEP SAYING

 **blake:** What about me trying to sneak a stray cat home in my winter coat is cute

 **freddie:** Honestly, the entire concept

 **jinkies!:** u r cute so everything u do is cute  
sry i dont make the rules

 **freddie:** Al is right

 **jinkies!:** damn right i am  
im always right

 **zoinks:** lets not go that far babe

 **blake:** ALYA BOUGHT A FUCKING DOG CAN WE GET BACK TO THAT

 **jinkies!:** lol no i didnt

 **zoinks:** hoLY SHIT  
thank go d  
no offense babe

 **jinkies!:** ur so weird

 **blake:** ALYA  
DONT DO THAT

 **freddie:** Breathe Mari

 **blake:** _I thought we were going to have to worry about her bringing a dog around to akuma attacks_

 **jinkies!:** excuse u i would not  
thats a little too dangerous for the lil pupper  
although thatd be cute as fuck

 **blake:** Jesus FUCK

 **freddie:** What did Jesus ever do to you

 **blake:** Im done with this shit  
Goodnight

 **jinkies!:** fuck no ur not  
im sleeping over  
get ur ass up its time to cry

 **zoinks:** offended that i wasnt invited

 **freddie:** Same

 **jinkies!:** were gonna watch movies and cry

 **freddie:** Sounds like my kind of night

 **jinkies!:** sry sunshine  
find ur own marinette time

 **freddie:** Ok sure. Will do 

 **blake:** Alya get over here

 **jinkies!:** on my way babe  <3

 **zoinks:** guess its just the two of us

 **freddie:** Video chat?

 **zoinks:** already there

* * *

 _PM between_ **_jinkies!_ ** _and_ **_blake_ **

**jinkies!:** u ok there

 **blake:** This is too fucking much for me

 **jinkies!:** he thinks ur cuuuuuuuuuute

 **blake:** *MUFFLED SCREAMING*

 **jinkies!:** give me ten and u can actual scream at me irl  
much more soothing

 **blake:** Im going to die

 **jinkies!:** not before we make cupcakes you arent

* * *

 _9:36 in_ **_mystery inc._ **

**jinkies!:** just becaUSE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 **blake:** IIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIII CANT HELP LOVING

 **jinkies!:** yoooooouuuuuuu

 **blake:** How wonderful life is   
Now that youre in the  
Woooooolrddddddddddd

 **jinkies!:** thanks for having my back on that one bae  <3

 **blake:** Of course  
Where the hell did you go

 **jinkies!:** oh im raiding the kitchen  
i stole ur milk

 **blake:** Why didnt you just ask

 **jinkies!:** rebellion

  
_10:03_

 **zoinks:** couldnt your rebellion have waited an hour?

 **jinkies!:** nope

 

_21:02_

**blake:** My dad just offered me salt and vinegar chips and Ive never been more betrayed in my _life_

 **freddie:** You don’t like salt and vinegar chips??

 **zoinks:** ooohhhh shit

 **blake:** Are you  
Do you

 **freddie:** Like salt and vinegar chips?   
Yeah  
I love them

 **blake:** I cant  
I cant do this  
I cant  
Be  
Friends   
With someone  
Who  
LIKES  
Salt and vinegar chips

 **jinkies!:** idk they arent bad

 **blake:** What the FUCK

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has renamed this conversation “civil war”._

 **freddie:** I love salt and vinegar chips  
I can’t believe you don’t like them

 **blake:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU DO  
THEYRE DISGUSTING!!

 **freddie:** Would you hate me if I said they’re my favorite kind of chips?

 **blake:** YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE???

 **freddie:** I’m not in your house???

 **blake:** Im leaving. Goodbye

 **_blake_ ** _has left this group_

 **jinkies!:** hell no get back here

 **_jinkies!_ ** _added_ **_blake_ ** _to this group_

 **jinkies!:** u 2 need 2 talk through ur lovers spat

 **freddie:** Lovers’ spat?

 **blake:** This is not a SPAT  
I am disowning ALL OF YOU

 **zoinks:** hey!  
i didnt give an opinion  
why am i getting punished yo

 **blake:** Silence is voting for the other side

 **zoinks:**??????

 **freddie:** Salt and vinegar chips are delicious

 **blake:** Im disgusted

* * *

 _PM between_ **_jinkies!_ ** _and_ **_blake_ **

**jinkies!:** lmao ur in love with someone who loves salt and vinegar chips

 **blake:** Im disgusted by myself  
Im being betrayed by my love d ones

 **jinkies!:** will you love him despite it

 **blake:** God can I????  
I dont know if I can do this

 **jinkies!:** pffff  
they are p good tho

 **blake:** We are no longer friends.

 **jinkies!:** im getting you salt and vinegar chips as a wedding present

 **blake:** fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who even knows


	8. my house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm dead inside and college applications are scary close
> 
> if you recognize bits of this from my life. just.... ignore. ye
> 
> jinkies! = alya  
> blake = marinette  
> zoinks = nino  
> freddie = adrien

_16:24_

**blake:** Im  
I can tdo it  
I cant  
This isnt?????  
Fuck  
FUCK  
Sjit  
I dont  
Im so  
How am I so BAD aat  
alk of thdis

 **freddie:** What’s wrong?

 **blake:** I cant DOI T  
Im such a FAILURE

 **freddie:** Mari  
Mari I don’t know what’s wrong but you’re not a failure

 **blake:** Yes I am  
Im such  
Im going to FIAL  
ANd never gradtuate  
And die pennyless  
adn alone  
and ic ant

* * *

 _PM between_ **_blake_ ** _and_ **_freddie_ **

**freddie:** Mari, you can talk to me  
What’s wrong?  
What happened?  
And how can I help?

 **blake:** FUCK  
ITS SO S TIPD

 **freddie:** What is it?

 **blake:** youll thimk im pathetic

 **freddie:** No, I really won’t  
I promise

 **blake:** Its physics  
I just  
I did SO BADLY on the test  
an d I dont know what s going ON  
And I dont know what i dont know  
And everyone else knows what they re doing and IM just

 **freddie:** Mar that’s not true  
Like over half the class doesn’t know what they’re doing  
Physics is hard it’s a different type of science with a different way of thinking  
And none of us have been getting much sleep or studying done  
You aren’t the only one who’s confused right now I promise

 **blake:** YOU know what youre doing

 **freddie:** Yeah I do  
You know why?  
Because I was homeschooled  
Having a private tutor is way different than learning in a classroom  
The teaching style can be tailored to you and you can go at your own pace  
I finished chemistry early and moved onto physics  
I’ve been doing physics for months longer than you  
It’s not that I’m smarter

 **blake:** ok bu t you ARE

 **freddie:** If I am smarter than you, you’re smarter than me in other ways  
Intelligence isn’t so black and white

 **blake:** But I SHOULD be getting this??????  
What isn t clikcing  
Why cant I jsut  
GET IT  
Why is all im able to do rn is cry

 **freddie:** Are you home?

 **blake:** Im not going to do anything  
Im jus t  
Not doing corrections because Im so frustrated with my self right now

 **freddie:** That’s not why I was asking  
Do your parents know you’re upset?

 **blake:** Theyre working they shouldnt have to deal with m e

 **freddie:** I’m coming over

 **blake:** Wait what

 **freddie:** You shouldn’t have to be alone when you’re so upset  
And I might be able help with physics a little bit  
Or at least with test corrections

 **blake:** No dont  
I dont want yout o see me cry  
And as soon as I try to do this Im going to cry

 **freddie:** Mari I really don’t care if I see you crying  
It’s ok to be upset about this  
I’d send Alya over but she’s not responding

 **blake:** …  
Promise not to think differently of  me if y ou see me breakdown

 **freddie:** Why would I?  
I’ll be there in 10

 **blake:** …  
ok

* * *

_18:01 in “civil war”_

**jinkies!:** mari??? are u ok???? what happened?????  
hellO????  
????????????

 

_18:34_

**freddie:** Sorry we fell asleep

 **jinkies!:** pls elaborate

 **freddie:** I’m at Mari’s  
I’m helping her with homework  
I got up to go to the bathroom and when I got back she was asleep on her textbook  
I didn’t want to wake her up so I started the physics homework  
And then I fell asleep  
She’s still out cold

 **jinkies!:** huh  
is she ok

 **freddie:** Uh…  
She’s doing better

 **jinkies!:** dammit i wish i couldve been there for her  
but thank u  
for helping her out

 **freddie:** Of course  
What are friends for

 **jinkies!:** idk  
taking naps apparently

 

_18:57_

**zoinks:** yo peeps in case you didnt see  
essay got pushed back a night because of the attack last night  
which is awesome because i havent started it yet

 **jinkes!:** hell fucking yeah  
hawk moth is fina;;y doing us a sold

 **_blake_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_F=ma_ **

**zoinks:** ayyy welcome back to the land of hte living mar

 **jinkies!:** :(  
the end of an era  
rip the mystery inc crew  
4ever alive in my heart

 **F=ma:** Im dead

 **jinkes!:** wait  
get this physics out of my group chat this instant young lady

 **F=ma:** Fuck you you arent my real mom

 **_freddie_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_p=mv_ **

**jinkies!:** unbelievable  
betrayed by the sunshine son

 **zoinks:** oh are we doing this now

 **jinkies!:** NO

 **_zoinks_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_some physics shit_ **

**some physics shit:** pretend i tried

 **p=mv:** Works for me

 **F=ma:** Im in hell

 **p=mv:** You use physics every single day

 **F=ma:** Exactly

 **jinkies!:** im disowning all of u  
right now  
get out of my house

 **some physics shit:** we need to be at your house to get out of it

 **jinkies!:** ok  
get ur asses over here  
and then get out of my house  
actually

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has renamed this conversation to “my house”._

 **jinkies!:** now get out

 **p=mv:** Or you’ll do what?

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has removed_ **_p=mv_ ** _from this group._

 **jinkies!:** that

 **F=ma:** This is bullshit

 **jinkies!:** #kicked

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has removed_ **_F=ma_ ** _from this group._

 **some physics shit:** this is brutal babe

 **jinkies!:** do u want 2 b next?

 **some physics shit:** yes, actually

 **jinkies!:** ovr u

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has removed_ **_some physics shit_ ** _from this group._

 **jinkies!:** take that nerds

* * *

 _PM between_ **_jinkies!_ ** _and_ **_F=ma_ **

**F=ma:** You realize youre in a group chat by yourself now right

 **jinkies!:** just how i always wanted

 **F=ma:** Jfc al

* * *

 _PM between_ **_jinkies!_ ** _and_ **_some physics shit_ **

**some physics shit:** lol babe

 **jinkies!:** fucking fiGHT EM NINO

 **some physics shit:** later my dude  
enjoy being alone

 **jinkies!:** i dont NEED u ppl

 **some physics shit:** mhm

* * *

_19:06_

**_p=mv_ ** _added_ **_some physics shit_ ** _and_ **_F=ma_ ** _to this group._

 **_p=mv_ ** _renamed this conversation to _“_ lol _”.__

 **p=mv:** lol

 **F=ma:** Wow real mature

 **p=mv:** Was Alya mature?

 **F=ma:** Are any of us ever mature

 **some physics shit:** fuck no

 **F=ma:** There we go  
Als gonna flip shit

 **p=mv:** This is her own fault

 **some physics shit:** truuuuuuuu

* * *

_19:11 in **my house**_

**jinkies!:** fuck  
u pieces of shit  
i hate u all  
and u cant even see me hating u  
fuuuuuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to all the fun stuff next time. but they're teenagers. and teenagers aren't always fun.
> 
> help me


	9. link. me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is hungry, Adrien and Nino are obsessed with hospital dramas, and Marinette just wants to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been so long omg
> 
> (jinkies! = alya  
> some physics shit = nino  
> F=ma = mari  
> p=mv = adrien  
> by the end of the chapter they all have their names in the screen names again)
> 
> enjoy this. whatever it is (it is continued from the last chapter but its not super relevant)

_23:03_

**jinkies!:** fucking FINE

 **_jinkies!_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_smad_ **

**smad:** u WIN

 **_jinkies!_ ** _added_ **_p=mv_ ** _,_ **_F=ma_ ** _, and_ **_some physics shit_ ** _to this group_

 **some physics shit:** plot twist

 **smad:** listen up shitheads  
ur back  
but ive got some conditions

 **F=ma:** good lord

 **smad:** 1 no physics  
2 no hw  
3 no school unless its about things being moved BACK  
4 no math

 **p=mv:** I’ll have my lawyers look over it  
I should get back to you by the end of the week

 **smad:** listen here u little shit

 **_p=mv_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_little shit_ **

**smad:** iM  
fine  
at least ur listening

 **some physics shit:** wait so do we delete the other chat

 **smad:** what  
WHAT!?!??!?!?!!!!!!!

 **F=ma:** Nino you asshole

 **smad:** OTHE R CHAT????!??!?!?!?!?!!

 **some physics shit:** adrien did it

 **_some physics shit_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_not guilty_ **

**smad:** u little shit

 **little shit:** I love you Alya

 **smad:** no u dont  
im breaking up with you

 **little shit:** </3

 **not guilty:** does this mean the ot4 is no more

 **little shit:** Hey nice rhyme

 **_F=ma_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_zzz_ **

**zzz:** It is if you dont let me sleep  
Bye bye ot4

 **smad:** whAT NO  
NO NO NO  
BAES

 **zzz:** Let me sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **little shit:** Mute the chat mar  
I’ll pm you if anything important happens  
(Nothing will)

 **smad:** uM EXCUSE ME  
ALL MY MESSAGES ARE IMPORTANT

 **zzz:** #muted  
Thanks

 **little shit:** Yeah of course sleep well

 **not guilty:** night mar!

 **smad:** i cant believe ive been betrayed by my boyfriends

 **not guilty:** bette r believe it al  
also better get some sleep  
im crashing  
peace

 **little shit:** Talk to you in the morning

 **smad:** pls dont say ur leaving me

 **little shit:** Probably in a minute?? I need sleep  
So do you

 **smad:** :( :( :(

 **little shit:** The sooner you go to bed the sooner the others will be up  
And the sooner you’ll see us at school

 **smad:** tru  
thats tru  
man u gotta pull the bae card on me

 **little shit:** Yeah well you need sleep  
I’ll pull any cards I need to

 **smad:** ur really not that much of a little shit

 **little shit:** Only sometimes

 **smad:** pfff  
ilysm

 **little shit:** Get some sleep??

 **smad:** fine ill try

 **little shit:** Thanks <3

 **smad:** damn ur cute

 **little shit:** Night Alya

 **smad:** night marsh

 

_6:23_

**zzz:** Stab me  
Also hawkmoth

 **little shit:** Dammit

 

_6:34_

**smad:** i hope lb and cn take their time

 **not guilty:** same honestly  
i gotta finish math

 **smad:** best of luck my love

 

_7:02_

**zzz:** THat was Too Loud

 **not guilty:** i got better headphones and man was adrien right about this one  
10/10 would recommend  
pricey as fuck though

 **zzz:** I need food

 **smad:** bab u live above a bakery

 **zzz:** I need greasy food  
Or chips

 **not guilty:** i gotchu man  
ill bring them to school and you can sneak them between classes

 **zzz:** Youre actually a godsend

 **not guilty:** guilty as charged

 **little shit:** You might need to change your screen name then  
Also eat something that’s not chips before school because trust me. Chips will not get you through the day

 **smad:** lol speak from experience?

 **little shit:** Yes  
Mistakes have been made

 **not guilty:** rip

 **smad:** rest in pepperoni

 

_20:19_

**_little shit_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_doctor agreste_ **

**_not guilty_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_nurse nino_ **

**smad:** the fuck did i miss

 **zzz:** Guys I was NAPPING  
Im gonna mute you people again

 **_smad_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_lost and confused_ **

**_zzz_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_crying_ **

**doctor agreste:** I can’t stop watching

 **nurse nino:** dude i KNOW  
its a d d i c t i v e

 **crying:** What is?????

 **nurse nino:** weve been watching all the hospital and doctor shows on netflix

 **crying:** …………………  
Why

 **doctor agreste:** Because they’re good to binge  
And because DRAMA

 **nurse nino:** mari. listen.  
once you watch one episode you cant stop  
ive been watching since school got out and i went over adriens  
i really just need to know if dr rowland and dr ribero are gonna bang or not

 **crying:** …………………    
The fuck

 **lost and confused:** link me

 **doctor agreste:** Are you sure?  
There’s like 12 seasons and we’ve already made the mistake of getting addicted

_**lost and confused** renamed this conversation “link. me.”. _

**crying:** Im going back to napping  
Have fun with your hospital sex

 **nurse nino:** we will

 **doctor agreste:** rabbit? because im about to start the midseason finale

 **nurse nino:** oh sHIT DUDE HMU I GOTTA KNOW IF TABITHA IS GONNA LIVE

 **doctor agreste:** WHAT ABOUT STACEY’S BABY

 **lost and confused:** GET YOUR SPOILERS THE FUCK OUT OF THE GROUP CHAT

 

_00:13_

**lost and confused:** TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING TO O FAST FOR ME O KNOW WHATS GOING ON INTHIS BULLSHIT  
UFKCING

 **crying:** are there even any episodes where no one dies

 **doctor agreste:** uhhhhh

 **lost and confused:** so no

 **nurse nino:** we did not say that

 **lost and confused:** FUCK  
im still mad about jess dying i dONT NEED THIS

 **doctor agreste:** Wait when did Jess die

 **lost and confused:** like three episodes ago

 **nurse nino:** o shit

 **doctor agreste:** You’re going to die

 **lost and confused:** FU C K

 **crying:** I dont want to know. I dont

 **nurse nino:** so are we continuing orrrrrr

 **doctor agreste:** How is that even a quetion

 **crying:** God why am I friends with any of you

 

_00:45_

**crying:** I really fucking want pasta

 **nurse nino:** ok same???  
mari come on way to ruin my night  
i cant make pasta now  
its after midnight  
why dude

 **doctor agreste:** Yeah it probably doesn’t help that they just started eating dinner in the show

 **nurse nino:** damn that pasta looks good

 **crying:** ....  
Youre STILL watching????

 **doctor agreste:** We have 12 seasons to get through

 **nurse nino:** We’re dead inside

 **doctor agreste:** And Stacey is cheating on Dilon with Ethan

 **lost and confused:** YOU LITTLE SHITS

 **doctor agreste:** Yikes gotta go

 **nurse nino:** peace out

 **lost and confused:** WHAT HTE FUCK

 **crying:** I hate you all

 

_2:30_

**lost and confused:** i want fries

 **doctor agreste:** Alya its 2:31 in the morning

 **lost and confused:** i  
want  
fries

 **doctor agreste:** But you can’t HAVE fries

 **lost and confused:** why not

 **doctor agreste:** Because it’s 2:30 in the morning?????????

 **_crying_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_marinette is tired_ **

**marinette is tired:** I just want sleep  
:(

 **doctor agreste:** Mari you can always mute the chat  
What I said yesterday always stands

 **marinette is tired:** /sigh  
Not the point  
Akuma  
A really close one too

 **nurse nino:** oh shit  
thats what we get for having the show so loud

 **doctor agreste:** Damn that’s Nathalie coming to check on me be back later gotta sleep

 **lost and confused:** wait  
WAIT  
WAIT OH YM GDO

 **_lost and confused_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_ayyy_ **

**ayyy:** I CAN GO OUT AND GET FRIES

 **nurse nino:** the FUCK

**ayyy: HALLELUJAH**

**nurse nino:** NO YOU CANT

 **_nurse nino_ ** _has changed his name to_ **_niNO_ **

**ayyy:** dicks out for hawk moth

 **niNO:** no no nope  
dicks back in  
immediately

 **ayyy:** LETS GO GET FRIES BABE

 **niNO:** only because i think you might literally DIE if you go alone

 **ayy:** !!!!!!!!!!!  
FRIES HERE I COME

 

_3:13_

**ayyy:** they didnt give me enough ketchup  
this is an outrage  
@hawkmoth this is an OUTRAGE  
akumatize me so i can get ketchup  
i need more ketchup

 **marinette is tired:** Alya  
Babe  
I love you  
Im muting you

 **ayyy:** :(  
this is so upsetting

 **niNO:** sorry al

 **doctor agreste:**[I'm getting you ketchup for Christmas](http://thomassanders.com/post/152071463843/cartel-dont-know-what-to-get-your-special) 

 **ayyy:** !!!  
ur bae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help


	10. mute the chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess but so am i
> 
> shoutout to erin and rey for screaming at each other enough to inspire filler for this chapter. i immediately retract erin's shoutout because she spoiled half of project runway
> 
> also. i'm literally uploading this using a hotspot on my phone. and we've been watching grey's anatomy for almost three hours

_23:00_

**doctor adrien:** Ever wonder what it’s like to have a normal sleep schedule

 **ayyy:** normal is just a setting on a washing machine

 **niNO:** im breaking up with you

 **doctor adrien:** Which one of us

 **marinette is tired:** Im breaking up with all of you  
Go to BED

 **ayy:** babes nooooooo  
how could you be so heartless

 **marinette is tired:** Im tired

 **ayyy:** how could you be so

 **niNO:** i refuse to date someone who uses emo phrases from 2010

 **ayyy:** cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo

 **marinette is tired:** Alya no kanye after midnight

 **doctor adrien:** Oh nice I’m safe then  
Wait it’s not midnight

 **ayyy:** can we vote adrien off the island

 **marinette is tired:** What island  
Cna I please sleep

 **doctor adrien:** Mute the chat

 **ayyy:** all in favor for voting adrien off the isalnd say aye

 **niNO:** no

 **marinette is tired:** NO

 **doctor adrien:** </3

 **ayyy:** damn ok then

 **marinette is tired:** Can we deal with this in the morning

 **doctor adrien:** Goodnight Mari

 **marinette is tired:** Thank you

 **ayyy:** fine  
night babe

 **marinette is tired:** :P

 **niNO:** later dude <3

 **doctor adrien:** I’m off  
My make up artist is going to kill me if I keep having dark circles under my eyes

 **ayyy:** rip

 **niNO:** best of luck

 **ayyy:** u leaving?

 **niNO:** pm?

 **ayyy:** sure

 

_7:02_

**doctor adrien:** Nino  
Nino  
Nino  
Nino  
NIno

 **niNO:** whats up

 **doctor adrien:** I watched last night episode  
Like just now  
Like the credits are rolling

 **niNO:** dUDE

 **doctor adrien:** DUDE

 **niNO:** I KNOW

 **doctor adrien:** I CAN T BELIEVE

 **ayyy:** why are we yelling

 **doctor adrien:** THE NEWEST EPSIDOE

 **ayy:** WAIT SHIT IS THIS THAT HOSPITAL SHOW

 **niNO:** YES  
I CANT BELIEVE THAT SHAYLEE IS DEAD

 **ayy:** NINO WHAT HTE FUCK

 **doctor adrien:** I KNOW

 **ayy:** SHUT UP  
NO

 **doctor adrien:** AND WHEN LEO STARTED CRYING

 **ayy:** NO  
NO  
NO

 **niNO:** AL LET ME SCREAM

 **ayy:** NO  
NO  
NO  
NO  
NO

 **doctor adrien:** FINE WE’LL DO THIS IN PM

 **ayy:** NO  
NO  
NO  
NO  
GOOD  
GET OUT

 **niNO:** i need to scream

 **ayy:** SCREAM SOMEWHERE ELSE

 

_7: 29_

**marinette is tired:** What hte heck did I miss

 

_14:43_

**ayyy:** dolla dolla bills yall

 **marinette is tired:** Alya why

 **ayy:** honestly i dont know  
its stuck in my head  
just that part

 **marinette is tired:** Jfc

 **niNO:** help me out  
im out of ideas

 **marinette is tired:** For??

 **niNO:** film  
how?????  
do you create???????  
bruh how do you script

 **marinette is tired:** You ask that like I would have any idea

 **niNO:** man  
im going to live in a box

 **ayyy:** um?? excuse me????  
were sharing a box

 **doctor adrien:** No one is living in a box

 **ayyy:** YE  
shoutout to my boi adrien for supporting us

 **doctor adrien:** Wait what

 **ayyy:** thank u for ur support  
and ur money

 **doctor adrien:** I was just being optimistic???????

 **ayyy:** thank u rich white boy <3 <3 ilysm

 **doctor adrien:** I didn’t?????

 **niNO:** thanks bro  
i owe you

 **doctor adrien:** I think that relying on me for money sounds like a bad idea?????

 **marinette is tired:** You wouldnt help us?

 **doctor adrien:** I WOULD help  
But also?  
I don’t actually have access to that much money right now?

 **ayyy:** boi u buy like hundreds of euros worth of cheese a mont h

 **doctor adrien:** No I don’t

 **niNO:** pfff  
sure you dont  
and i didnt spend half my savings on a midi fighter the other day

 **doctor adrien:** Dude

 **marinette is tired:** This si why you never say anything optimistic  
Always be sad and cynical  
And al cant do this to you

 **doctor adrien:** Listen  
I need to balance out the negativity in my life  
Gotta say something about optimism

 **niNO:** damn dude i guess you do have a lot of negativity in your life

 **ayyy:** so does this mean ur not paying my tuition

 **_doctor adrien_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_something about optimism_ **

**something about optimism:** I’ll have to get back to you on that al

 **ayyy:** love ya <3

 

_22:10_

**ayyy:** ever get really pissed at something and wonder if ur gonna get akumatized

 **something about optimism:** What did you do

 **marinette is tired:** Me too

 **ayyy:** AMY ADN DEREK GOT A DIVRSCE????  
AND AMY IS PREGNANT  
WHAT HTE UFKC

 **niNO:** YO TELL ME ABOUT IT

 **ayyy:** AND THE GYY THAT BETH IS DATING??? HES SO CREEPY LOOKING WHAT IS IT

 **something about optimism:** I TOLD YOU NINO

 **niNO:** its the eyes

 **ayyy:** its the mouth

 **something about optimism:** Its his whole face

 **marinette is tired:** Ok Im gonna leave now

 **niNO:** mari nooooooo

 **marinette is tired:** I dont want any of your hospital drama

 **ayyy:** D:

 **niNO:** mar you cant leave us  
whos gonna make sure we dont drown in doctor dramas

 **marinette is tired:** You gotta figure that out for yourselves

 **something about optimism:** ….  
Do I even care about their drama?

 **niNO:** _b r u h_

 **ayyy:** GASP

 **marinette is tired:** No you dont

 **something about optimism:** Why can’t I stop watching

 **marinette is tired:** Is it melting your brain?

 **ayyy:** meltybrain adriens akumatized form

 **something about optimism:** What powers do I have

 **ayyy:** good question

 **marinette is tired:** HElp artists block

 **niNO:** talk about relatable

 **marinette is tired:** I HATE ART

 **ayyy:** marinettes akumatized form

 **marinette is tired:** IM BRUNING ALL MY AR T

 **niNO:** bad idea

 **marinette is tired:** iTS GONNA B U R N

 **something about optimism:** Burn baby burn

 **niNO:** no

 **ayyy:** draw flowers  
flowers are flowery

 **_marinette is tired_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_flowers are flowery_ **

**niNO:** i still have no ideas for my screenplay rip me

 **something about optimism:** I’m really glad I’m not a creative person

 **flowers are flowery:** Im still gonna set my sketchbook on fire

 

_23:53_

**niNO:** adrien makes people wander around in that stupor you get in once youve binged an entire season of netflix  
marinette has laser vision and sets stuff on fire

 **something about optimism:** What

 **niNO:** akuma powers

 **something about optimism:** This feels like a weird thing to debate

 **ayyy:** a little weird but al so  
i think adrien has already hit me  
i feel braindead  
this show is th e worst thing to ever happen to me

 **niNO:** where you at

 **ayyy:** duDE  
dEREK GOT AMY A CRIB BC HE WANTS TO WIROK IT OUT  
AMY FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER  
tehY DID IT AT THE SAME TIME  
C O M M U N I C A T E SDF:KJSD:KLFJSLDKFJSD:KLFJSDF

 **flowers are flowery:** SHUT THE FUCK UP I WILL FUCKING LASER YOU WITH MY ALIEN FUCKING EYES AND EXPLODE YOUR FUCKING HEAD

 **niNO:** holy shit

 **aaay:** whoa

 **something about optimism:** Are you ok????

 **flowers are flowery:** I AM TRYING TO SLEEP

 **something about optimism:** Why didn’t you mute the chat?

 **flowers are flowery:** BECAUS E I DONT LIKE MUTING THE CHAT

 **something about optimism:** Mute the caht and go to sleep

 **flowers are flowery:** BUT THEN I MISS STUFF

 **something about optimism:** I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS  
MUTE THE CHAT

 **flowers are flowery:** AHHHHHHH  
JUST STOP TALKING AN DLET ME SLEEP

 **something about optimism:** I will literally come to your house and _mute the chat_

 **_something about optimism_ ** _renamed this conversation to “mute the chat”._

 **flowers are flowery:** WHY ARENT YOU ASLEEP

 **something about optimism:** I’m doing chinese

 **ayyy:** ;)

 **something about optimism:** Shut the fuck up Alya  
Why isn’t MARI asleep

 **flowers are flowery:** BECAUSE YORUE ALL TALKING

 **something about optimism:** MUTE  
THE  
CHAT

 **niNO:** talk about lovers spat

 **ayyy:** id be mad about how cute they are if i werent dating them

 **flowers are flowery:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **something about optimism:** GOODNIGHT

 

_1:47_

**niNO:** FUCK  
FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK   
HAWK MOTH WHAT THE FU CK 

 **ayyy:** me too  
fuck this

 

_2:24_

**ayyy:** i dreamed a dream that hawk moth wasnt a fucking asshole

* * *

_2:53_

_PM between_ **_flowers are flowery_ ** _and_ **_something about optimism_ **

**_something about optimism_ ** _has sent a photo  
_ **_something about optimism_ ** _has sent a photo_

 **flowers are flowery:** whats thsi

 **something about optimism:** I promised you I’ds end the physics homeowkr  
Pretend I can type rihgt now  
Yikes

 **flowers are flowery:** you promised that??  
oh  
oh you did  
sorry i forgot

 **something about optimism:** Its ok  
Its really late

 **flowers are flowery:** http://docs.google.com/document/d/139a321lo2119akew1991316lyse20h5aen2e521/edit  
heres the compare and contrast but i dont  
knowhow good it is  
just dont use the sam e exact words  
or do  
i dont actually care anymore

 **something about optimism:** I have a thesaurus site open right now  
I’m just going to put random words through it

 **flowers are flowery:** [‘V GBK  
AHHH SORRY  
IM SORRY  
IDINDT MEAN TO  
I FEEL ASLEEP AND MY HEAD HIT THE KEYBOARD  
but good plan  
thats a  
good plan.  
good  
yes

 **something about optimism:** Go to sleep, Mar

 **flowers are flowery:** i will  
i just need to  
copy physics? is that what i was doing?

 **something about optimism:** Yeah but you have lunch to do that tomorrow

 **flowers are flowery:** i do?  
oh my god i do

 **something about optimism:** Go to sleep?

 **flowers are flowery:** only if you do

 **something about optimism:** Im only going to spend a few minutes on this

 **flowers are flowery:** ok good  
im going ot log off now

 **something about optimism:** Goodnight, bug

 **flowers are flowery:** sleep well kitten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so tired


	11. finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man writing is just not happening right now. 
> 
> so i'm actually going to go back and edit this (surprise surprise) since i'm changing all the times to military time/24 hour time. also because i was super inconsistent with some of the skype commands and it's bothering me. 
> 
> if you haven't read it, you should probably read [sleep is good](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8429281) before this, since the reveal isn't actually explained in this. 
> 
> this is shorter and less fun than usual but we'll get back to the memes next time i promise

_7:01_

**ayyy:** id like to give a big shoutout to the people who submitted pics to the ladyblog  
talk about the real mvps  
dicks out for them

 **niNO:** can we not keep dick s in  
is that an option

 **ayyy:** dicks out!!!1!!

 

_7:59_

**something about optimism:** Didn’t feel like going out last night al?

 **ayyy:** helllllllll fukcing no  
r u kidding???? 2:24 am???  
i put in headphones and went bed  
shit fam  
its not worth it anymore

 **niNO:** thankgod  
im tired of running out after you

 **_something about optimism_ ** _has renamed conversation to “finally”._

 **ayyy:** also my mom would kill me

 **something about optimism:** Of course

 **ayyy:** babe u dont need to protect me  
ive got me  
im good

 **niNO:** you keep saying that  
and yet i dont believe you

 **ayyy:** adrien trusts me  
dont you marsh?

 **something about optimism:** I plead the fifth

 **ayyy:** ????

 **niNO:** wtf

 **something about optimism:** its an american thing

 **ayyy:** well fuck that  
welCOME TO FRANCE

 **something about optimism:** I think Alya needs more sleep

 **niNO:** i think we all do

* * *

  _PM between_ ** _something about optimism_** _and_ ** _flowers are flowery_**

 **something about optimism:** Can we talk at lunch?

 **flowers are flowery:** Oh  
Uh yeah  
Sure

* * *

_11:53_

**niNO:** does anyone have the chem hw  
and by anyone  
i mean adrien  
the only one i trust

 **ayyy:** i was gonna say rude  
but same  
thats so  
same

 **niNO:** i guess thats a no????

 **ayyy:** iguess?????????  
@adrien fam where u at  
we need help

 **niNO:** i think i can swing it

 **ayyy:** u might but i sure cant

 **niNO:** right so you do this here  
im gonna cram this section before lunch ends

 **ayyy:** best of luck boo  
wait no  
i wont give you luck  
i need that  
give me my luck back

 **niNO:** nope

 **ayyy:** ninooooooooooo

 **niNO:** bye al

 **ayyy:** D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

 

_14:29_

**niNO:** alright so whats up

 **ayyy:** ^^^^^^

 **something about optimism:** The sky???

 **ayyy:** get the fukc out

 **niNO:** haha very funny  
but seriously

 **something about optimism:** What are you talking about?

* * *

_PM between_ **_ayyy_ ** _and_ **_niNO_ **

**ayyy:** babe

 **niNO:** i know

 **ayyy:** k u want mar or marsh

 **niNO:** ill take marsh  
go easy on her? she seemed wiped today

 **ayyy:** im always easy  
and sweet  
and loving  
why do you doubt me

 **niNO:** babe

 **ayyy:** ill be nice!!!!  
i wont push too much  
goddamn  
i cant believe ive been betrayed by my own boyfriend

 **niNO:** mhm yup  
good luck dude

 **ayyy:** thanks ;*

* * *

_PM between_ **_something about optimism_ ** _and_ **_niNO_ **

**niNO:** yo dude  
something wrong?

 **something about optimism:** No?

 **niNO:** did something happne between you and mari?

 **something about optimism:** Why would you think that??

 **niNO:** bruh  
the way you were acting around each other today  
it was so….  
weird  
really fucking strange

 **something about optimism:** Nothing happened there  
I didn’t act any different today  
I was kind of tired?

 **niNO:** okkkkk sure  
sure  
we can pretend  
dude  
youve literally never acted like that around mari before  
mari hasnt acted like that around you since  
actually no  
shes never been that weird around you  
and shes been really fucking weird around you  
not that you noticed

 **something about optimism:** Wait what???  
What are you talking about????

 **niNO:** dude just  
tell me if somethings wrong?

 **something about optimism:** Of course  
You know I would

* * *

 

 _PM between_ **_ayyy_ ** _and_ **_flowers are flowery_ **

**ayyy:** what happened

 **flowers are flowery:** Excuse me

 **ayyy:** between you and adrien  
something happened  
what was it??

 **flowers are flowery:** NOthing happened!!!!  
Why would you think that????

 **ayyy:** idk maybe the weirdness  
the stuttering  
the avoiding eyecontact thing  
the awkwardness  
the weirdness

 **flowers are flowery:** When have I ever acted normal around Adrien?????

 **ayyy:** a lot in the last month or so actually

 **flowers are flowery:** Thats a damn lie and you know it

 **ayyy:** k maybe its bc ur u but u 2 really have gotten closer  
ur waaaaay more comfortable together now  
just makeout

 **flowers are flowery:** AlYA

 **ayyy:** oh my god u know u want to

 **flowers are flowery:** Just because I wan t two doesnt mean I CAN

 **ayyy:** im sure if u asked adrien would want to makeout with u too

 **flowers are flowery:** Youre so embarassing oh my god

 **ayyy:** u love me

 **flowers are flowery:** Yeah and Im quesitoning wHY

 **ayyy:** <3<3<3  
k but ull tell me if anything happens right?  
not like  
just with adrien  
like in general  
if anything is wrong??

 **flowers are flowery:** Of course I would al  
I always do

 **ayyy:** ok good  
thank u  
now go makeout with a supermodel

 **flowers are flowery:** ALYA

* * *

 

 _PM between_ **_ayyy_ ** _and_ **_niNO_ **

**ayyy:** anything???

 **niNO:** nothing  
idk al maybe nothing DID happen

 **ayyy:** ughhh  
it feels like something wrongs  
i feel it in my bones

 **niNO:** are you going to start singing

 **ayyy:** nah not feeling it  
kinda feeling bummed now ://

 **niNO:** want me to come over??

 **ayyy:** could u????

 **niNO:** yeah sure  
be there in like 15

 **ayyy:** love you <3 <3

* * *

_PM between_ **_flowers are flowery_ ** _and_ **_something about optimism_ **

**something about optimism** : Is it later?

 **flowers are flowery:** What???

 **something about optimism:** Last night you said we could talk later  
Its later

 **flower are flowery:** Didnt we talk at lunch??

 **something about optimism:** I mean  
Falling asleep on top of each other on your chaise isn’t really talking

 **flowers are flowery:** Oh  
I guess thats true

 **something about optimism:** Do you want me to call??

 **flowers are flowery:** Um  
Not rigth now  
This works  
Typing

 **something about optimism:** Ok  
So

 **flowers are flowery:** So

 **something about optimism:** You  
Are  
Ladybug

 **flowers are flowery:** Yes  
And you  
Are

 **something about optimism:** Mari??  
I can see you typing and stopping mar  
Are you ok?

 **flowers are flowery:** I cant do this  
Call me?

_Call ended: 1 hour 19 minutes 48 seconds_


	12. confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit its late
> 
> yeah i dunno 
> 
> the miracuchat is wild and somehow we got to coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino?? i dont???? what were we even talking about??????????? i feel like this is ash's fault for some reason
> 
> (ayy = alya   
> niNO = niNO  
> coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino = adrien  
> flowers are flowery = mari)  
> ((it gets a little confusing so youre gonna want to pay attention to text styles))
> 
> goodnight

_ 17:24  _

**_something about optimism_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino_ **

**niNO:** if i can  
just  
what the fuck 

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** ;*  
ilysm marsh   
mwah mwah mwah 

**niNO:** al?????

**flowers are flowery:** Alya why do you have adriens phone

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** um bc he got up to get coffee  
i had an opportunity  
i took it  
pls know that this boy has autocaps and autocorrect on   
its v hard to keep up The Aesthetic™ 

**niNO:** b a b e

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** question   
r u babe-ing me or adrien

**niNO:** does it matter

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** nah not really  
continue 

**niNO:** why did you go to a cafe to study  
you arent gonna get anything done

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** fuck when i have more time remind me to install shortcuts into dris phone  
hold on 

**ayyy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**flowers are flowery:** Why am I friends with you

**ayyy:** bc u luuuuuuv me 

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** This just in: next time, Alya’s buying drinks 

**ayyy:** whAT 

**coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino:** You act like I can’t actually see all the messages you sent  
I’m changing my password

**ayyy:** boo ill just look over ur shoulder

**niNO:** these two mar am i right

**flowers are flowery:** Tell me about it

**_ayyy_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_asshole_ **

**niNO:** ok yeah she deserves that

**flowers are flowery:** Here lies alya cesaire   
Death by adrien agreste

**niNO:** the way to go tho

**flowers are flowery:** Tbh 

**asshole:** honestly fuck u adrien   
i love u  
but fuck u 

**_coffee marshmallow crème frappuccino_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino_ **

**flowers are flowery:** Jesus

**niNO:** memelord is back 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Alya why do you do this to me

**asshole:** yeah yeah love u too 

**flowers are flowery:** Note to self: do not let adrien and alya go on study dates alone

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** i haVE THE PHONE 

**asshole:** Well I have yours

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** oooo lets go through your pictures and texts i wonder if theres anything interesting 

**asshole:** DONTT YOU DARE

**niNO:** arent you like  
sitting next to each other

**asshole:** ALYAS LOCKED HERSELF IN THE BATHROOM 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** ;* ;* ;*  
OH MY GOD IS THAT A FUCKING BABY PICURE   
aww is that your mom shes so pretty  
back to my point  
adRIEN WAS AN AODRAOBLE CHILD

**niNO:** are we surprised

**flowers are flowery:** Hm I feel like locking yourself in the bathroom maybe isnt the best use of your study time

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** fuck studying

**asshole:** I wonder if Alya has anything embrrassing on here

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** shit

**asshole:** I wonder what I can find………

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** FUCK I GET IT  
IM COMING OUT  
HOLD THE FUKCING PHONE  
AND GIVE IT BACK TO ME 

**asshole:** ONLY IF YOU GIVE ME MINE FIRST

**niNO:** hey mari you adn i should study together some time   
it sounds fun

**flowers are flowery:** Oh yeah definitely!  
Especially if these two are going to be doing these study dates more often 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** I’m back 

**asshole:** FUCK THIS GUY

**flowers are flowery:** I feel like I need a nap after that 

**niNO:** ditto

 

_ 21:01 _

**flowers are flowery:** ADRIEN

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** What’s up?

**flowers are flowery:** ARE YOU OK WIHT ME RANTING ABOUT YORU DAD

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Uh   
Yes?   
Why?

**flowers are flowery:** I SAW HIS NEW LINE

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Ohhhhhhhh  
Yeah go ahead, scream away I don’t mind

**flowers are flowery:** WHERE DO I EVEN START

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** The very beginning? It’s a very good place to start

**flowers are flowery:** IM JUST!!!!!!!!  
a;sldkfjaksjfkdjfskfjsdf its so gOOD  
Like that SUI T   
And the c o l o r s  
And o hmygdo the ties  
Adrien I couLD DIE  
THE PATTERNS  
THE FABRIC

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Yeah, my dad is a real tiecoon if I do say so myself

**flowers are flowery:** …   
I’m breaking up with you

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** We aren’t dating

**flowers are flowery:** Gdi 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** :3c

**flowers are flowery:** Don’t cat face me 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** :3

**flowers are flowery:** Reason why I hate adrien agreste number 17

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Is there a list?  
I want to see it

**flowers are flowery:** Figh tme 

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Ok  
See you in half an hour?

**flowers are flowery:** Youre on 

 

_ 21:17 _

**asshole:** note to self  
doing hw means missing group chat stuff  
do not do hw

 

_ 21:28 _

**niNO:** i dont think thats what you were supposed to get from that conversation

**asshole:** how about dont make puns around mari 

**niNO:** fuck we gotta kick adrien out

**asshole:** rip the sunshine child

 

_ 23:13 _

**_flowers are flowery_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_dancing queen_ **

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Yeah that’s a lie

**dancing queen:** Listen:   
Fuck you 

**niNO:** oh shIT

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** You don’t love me Mari???  
</3

**dancing queen:** I wON

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** No you definitely did not 

**dancing queen:** This is bullshit  
I want a redo

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Not how this works

**dancing queen:** /muffled screaming/

**asshole:** dawwww   
old married couples back at it again

* * *

_ 0:13 _

_ PM between  _ **_dancing queen_ ** _ and  _ **_coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino_ **

**dancing queen:** Hey you wanna go on a date sometime

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Wha  
Uh   
Yeah sure  
Yeah

**dancing queen:** Great!

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Yeah I just  
Sorry you caught me off guard   
Like    
A lot off guard

**dancing queen:** I’m breaking up with you

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Wha thte   
FUcking christ Marinette

* * *

_0:22_ _in_ ** _finally_**

**_coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino_ ** _ has renamed this conversation “confusion”.  _

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** What just  
Marinette just  
Marinette is the worst

**asshole:** ?????

**niNO:** whatd she do   
actually become the dancing queen?

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** She  
Asked me out??

**asshole:** what the shIT

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** And then immediately dumped me

**asshole:** FUCK   
@MARINETTEDUPAINCHENG WHY DID YOU TELL ME   
wait  
wHAT  
SHE WHAT

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Because of a PUN 

**niNO:** the one from earlier?

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** That’s the one

 **niNO:** b r u t a l   
i love her  
definitely my favorite person in the universe

**coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** I’m  
Wow   
W o w   
It’s been a day

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_asshole_ ** _ and  _ **_dancing queen_ **

**asshole:** MARINETTE  
U ASKED ADRIEN OUT   
JUST TO BREAK UP WITH HIM  
WHAT HTE HECLL   
WAHT DO I DO WITH U   
WHERE RU   
U CNAT BE ASLEEP   
IN EED TO YELL AT U   
FU CK INF HLEL 

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_niNO_ ** _ and  _ **_dancing queen_ **

**niNO** : marinette i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funfact: tiecoon is a store i saw in the train station when i went to nyc. i was gonna try to get a picture but i couldnt get it while walking. thus, ive had that dialogue written for like. m o n t h s. the first thing i did was think of adrien. bless
> 
> also
> 
> i have an idea for a plotpoint (several, actually) 
> 
> we just gotta get there
> 
> while we wait
> 
> enjoy the.....um....this


	13. hit it fergie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it’s been rough. for...everyone. i’m here to provide some laughs or at least....a half smile? maybe? anyway i’m here if anyone would like to talk 
> 
> also sunlitshowers on tumblr and i have a fun time talking. it’s always a lot of fun 
> 
> (asshole = alya  
> niNO = nino  
> coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino = adrien  
> dancing queen = marinette)
> 
> enjoy~

_19:04_

**asshole:** please try this religion

 **niNO:** no

 **asshole:** try ittttt

 **niNO:** no _quieter this time_

 **coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** Hi China

 **asshole:** hey dipshit

 **coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino:** :(

 **_coffee marshmallow mème frappuccino_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_dipshit_ **

**dancing queen:** Ok what the actual fuck did I come back to

 **niNO:** japan

 **asshole:** ayyyyy shes back and shes **♪BEAUTIFUL♪!**

 **dancing queen:**?????

 **dipshit:** We watched the history of Japan

 **dancing queen:** When did this happen

* * *

 _PM between_ **_dancing queen_ ** _and_ **_dipshit_**

 **dipshit:** I think you got caught up with some kids on your way to school? Had to help them get something out of a tree

 **dancing queen:** Curse me for being a good person jfc

 **dipshit:** :3

 **dancing queen:** >:(

* * *

 _19:09 in_ **_confusion_**

 **niNO:** earlier today

 **asshole:** had 2 b there  
missed u tho  
<3 <3

 **dancing queen:** /sigh  
Fine  
Ill just be confused in peace

 **asshole:** oh!!!! wiat!!  
i got something thatll make it better  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90)

**dancing queen:** FUCKIN G

 **niNO:** f u c k  
were done al  
i cant do this anymore

 **asshole:** </3

 **dipshit:** I leave to get a drink and I come back to a shattered relationship

 **asshole:** thirsty ;)

 **dipshit:** Alya what did you do

**niNO: i dont want to return to this h e l l**

**_asshole_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_fergie_ **

**_asshole_ ** _has renamed this conversation “hit it fergie”._

 **dipshit:** That’s not even the right song

 **fergie:** fight me agreste  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJOvuj3JgG0&feature=youtu.be  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJOvuj3JgG0&feature=youtu.be)better?

 **_niNO_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_no_ **

**fergie:** so thats a yes

 **dancing queen:** Im leaving

 **fergie:** NO WAIT

 **dancing queen:** Why should I

 **fergie:** i have something thatll make it better

 **dancing queen:** If you rickroll me we are never speaking again

 **fergie:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADBGCcJ5Iug ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADBGCcJ5Iug)

**no:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **dipshit:** Where are you getting these  
I’m kind of impressed

 **fergie:** aww thanks marsh  <3  
its a lot of hard work tbh  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eT7Pr1wmlo&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eT7Pr1wmlo&feature=youtu.be)

**dancing queen:** LEAVING

 **fergie:** oh and heres the clean version incase u want that instead  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=060e96Mvba4&feature=youtu.be  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=060e96Mvba4&feature=youtu.be)MARI U CANT I DIDNT RICKROLL U

 **dancing queen:** IT WAS FUCKING CLOSE NEOUGH

 **no:** i think ive actually died

 **dipshit:** OH check this out  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkNC-gH7rww&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkNC-gH7rww&feature=youtu.be)

**no:** …  
b r u h

 **fergie:** AYYY  
ilysm sm sm

 **_dancing queen_ ** _left this conversation_

 **no:** nope get back here  
if i have to suffer so do you

 **_no_ ** _added_ **_dancing queen_ ** _to this conversation_

 **dancing queen:** NINO

 **no:** i love you babe but we suffer together

**dancing queen: MUFFLED SCREAMING**

**fergie:** um im learning this and performing it at every opportunity  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t__6XSMkxII&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t__6XSMkxII&feature=youtu.be)

**dipshit:** CAN I LEARN WITH YOU

 **fergie:** HELL YEA  
THE DANCING DUO

 **dancing queen:** Nino I want to leeeeeave

 **no:** do you think leaving these two alone is a good idea

 **dancing queen:** G A H  
Alright I have to ask  
WHAT IS SHE WEARNIG

 **dipshit:** Don’t question fashion from the 2010s  
Its best to just  
Let it happen  
Let it die in the past

 **dancing queen:** What is this

 **no:** mari why are you watching

 **dancing queen:** Because my brain has melted out of my ears

 **dipshit:** It’s not THAT bad a song

 **no:** that my dude is not the problem here

 **fergie:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpiXzoAkadQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpiXzoAkadQ)

**dancing queen:** FUCK I CLICKED IT  
I NEED TO STOP AUTOMATICALLY CLICKING LINKS

 **fergie:** shhh keep doing u bab  
also skip like the first 30s or smth

 **dipshit:** Hey this is decent

 **no:** you arent tricking me

 **fergie:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O8WSjmwXck ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O8WSjmwXck)

**dancing queen:** Those are  
Actual beans

 **fergie:** yes  
ahahahahaha look at this!!!! why is it all in slow mo oh my  gdo  
beautiful  
a cinematic masterpiece  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD4MNvbsWSs  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD4MNvbsWSs)pls watch nino

 **no:** i opened it and what

 **fergie:** pls appreciate all the hard work they put inot this

 **dancing queen:** Are we sure its not 3 yet

 **no:** not even midnight my man

 **dipshit:** All I’m going to hear for the next four years

 **fergie:** find anything new sunshine??

 **no:** dont you fucking dare

 **dipshit:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU07Du43tJ8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU07Du43tJ8)

**dancing queen:** Can I ask you out again so I can dump you again

 **no:** is he saying gotta get a jet?

 **fergie:** live ur dreams small child in a snapback

 **dipshit:** WAIT NO I HAVE A BETTER ONE

 **dancing queen:** Dont say it

 **no:** fucking fuck fuck on a fuck

 **fergie:** _d o  i  t_

 **dipshit:** [ **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pghsY1EGDVk  
** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pghsY1EGDVk)You are so welcome

 **no:** my ears are fucking bleeding you fucking fucer fick

 **dipshit:** That was interesting

 **dancing queen:** Current plan: cry

 **fergie:** YE S

 **dipshit:** Hey at least it’s not thrift shop

 **dancing queen:** NooooOOOOOOOO

 **no:** WHAT

 **fergie:** THE BEST

 **dipshit:** WALK UP TO THE CLUB  
IM LIKE WHAT UP  
IVE GOT A HIT SONG

**fergie: WHAT UP IVE GOT A HIT SONG**

**dancing queen:** New plan: die

 **no:** same  
saaaaame

 **fergie:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BJzAzARVeA&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BJzAzARVeA&feature=youtu.be)

**_dancing queen_ ** _left this conversation_

 **_dipshit_ ** _added_ **_dancing queen_ ** _to this conversation_

 **dancing queen:** ADRIEN!!!!  
IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GO

 **no:** ohHHHHHHH  
IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOO  
lets listen to that song instead

 **dipshit:** Yeah I’d actually be down with that

 **dancing queen:** PLEASE

 **fergie:** yeah sure we can do that  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGYNRrD6Qg4 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGYNRrD6Qg4)

**dancing queen:** Why do I try

 **no:** nahhhh this is almost the same as the original i swear

 **fergie:** hmmm is this any better??  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zk9wYiiUQc ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zk9wYiiUQc)

**dancing queen:** Why are we discussing this

 **no:** i guess? whats the point of this

 **fergie:** idk fam  
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T0utQ-XWGY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T0utQ-XWGY)

**dancing queen:** I swear  
To god  
And I am serious this time  
If this is boom boom pow  
I logging off and never coming back on  
I am throwing out my phone  
Changing schools  
And never speaking to you again

 **fergie:** just click it

 **dipshit:** Hit it Fergie

 **no:** at least its not boom boom pow

 **dancing queen:** I could cry tbh  
I am crying  
Im actually crying  
R e l i e f

 **fergie:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJrX8j20Nkc&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJrX8j20Nkc&feature=youtu.be)

**no:** what kind of salt and pepper diner bullshit

 **dancing queen:** Well then

 **no:** actuallywait what

 **dipshit:** This is

 **fergie:** high art?

 **no:** uh

 **dipshit:** Someone put effort into creating this

 **fergie:** we are appreciating ART

 **dipshit:** And the creative process

 **fergie:** put this in the moma  
the louvre

 **dipshit:** Give it its own exhibit in the mfa

 **dancing queen:** Im going to bed  
Yes I know its early  
Im done  
Goodnight  
Goodbye  
Good riddance  
Fuck you al

 **no:** you two deserve each other honestly

 **fergie:** hearteyes mother fucker  
yo adrien wanna learn this dance with me

 **dipshit:** Like right now  
This second

 **fergie:** yes  
can you sneak out?

 **dipshit:** I can’t believe I’m doing this

 **fergie:** <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright
> 
> now you can kill me
> 
> lucky number 13
> 
> ~~this is probably the crackiest thing ill do for a while so i hope you had a little bit of fun with me. shoutout to sunlitshowers for finding 90% of the videos~~~


	14. hogwarts house discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what house do you belong in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got my harry potter nerd on for this chapter, mostly because i wanted to write and didn't know what to write about
> 
> also, i'm glad you all liked the previous chapter <3
> 
> dipshit = adrien  
> fergie = alya  
> no = nino  
> dancing queen = mari
> 
> enjoy~

_16:30_

**fergie:** its 2 quiet in here  
time for the #discourse

 **no:** no

 **fergie:** shit im blanking  
i need a topiC  
@the babs: someone pls

 **no:** i refuse to support this

 **dipshit:** Anything?

 **fergie:** yes

 **dipshit:** Ok give me a second

 **no:** fuck dude i just wanted a day of chill

 **fergie:** babe with friends like us thats just not possible

 **dancing queen:** What are we doing??

 **dipshit:** Hogwarts house discourse  
Go

 **no:** i cant believe i have to break up with you

 **_fergie_ ** _renamed this conversation to “hogwarts house discourse”._

 **dancing queen:** Oh no

 **fergie:** alright alright alright  
adrien = puff  
mari = puff  
nino = puff

 **dipshit:** How do you figure

 **no:** uhhh

 **dancing queen:** Sorry al that seems wrong

 **fergie:** oh it is  
it definitely is  
but ur all sweet enough for hufflepuff  
and loyal  
and we all eat too much food  
hmmm realistic one…  
adrien = puff  
mari = snake  
nino = raven mayb

 **dipshit:** Make Mari Gryffindor and I’ll agree with you

 **fergie:** whaaaaaat our girl is ambitious aF theres no way

 **dipshit:** But she’s also a really strong leader and incredibly brave

 **dancing queen:** If were arguing over anyone Id say adrien should be a gryffindor  
Oh wait maybe ravneclaw????  
Hes super smart  
Shit this is really hard? He could be in three???

 **no:** the fuck  
i was thinking slytherin actually

 **fergie:**???

 **dancing queen:**???????

 **no:** listen my dudes  
the hat takes what you want into consideration right?  
it does it for harry anyway

 **fergie:** what does this have to do with marshmallow being a snake which is just  
not accurate

 **no:** im getting there

 **dipshit:** Are we going by stereotypes or nah

 **dancing queen:** Nah  
The stereotypes suck

 **no:** im just saying  
theres no fucking way if we were wizards teh agrestes wouldnt be pure bloods  
and gabriel would be classic fucking slytherin

 **dancing queen:** Ok Ill agree with that

 **fergie:** mhmmmm

 **dipshit:** I wouldn’t say that

 **no:** bro even if you arent going off stereotypes  
your old man is probably the mos t ambitious perosn ive ever met  
like scary  
mari is almost as scary

 **dancing queen:** Hey!!!!!!

 **fergie:** so sorting hat

 **_no_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_sorting hat_ ** _._

 **sorting hat:** sup

 **fergie:** are u saying adrien would ASK 2 b slytherin

 **sorting hat:** well  
yeah  
yeah i am 

 **fergie:** ……………  
i did not consider

 **sorting hat:** i know you didnt

 **dancing queen:** First of all since we cant decide and Im getting mixed answers from online quizzes

 **_dancing queen_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_lion snake_ ** _._

 **lion snake:** Second of all doesnt the hat also base it off of what you value the most??

 **dipshit:** Lion snake? Like a chimera?

 **fergie:** nerd

 **dipshit:** Actually the chimera also has a goat ignore me

 **sorting hat:** what the fuck

 **dipshit:** Greek mythology

 **fergie:** u kno what i dont wanna kno

 **dipshit:** Anyway back to this

 **sorting hat:** oh yeah  
anywa  
yeah the hat does  
but adrien wanting to please his dad might overrule that  
idk my dude jk didnt exactly lay ou t the rules of this super great

 **fergie:** jk needs to c h i l l  
and ye each of the golden trio couldve ended up in at least one other house

 **dipshit:** That would’ve been cool  
Also I don’t think I try to please my dad that much

 **fergie:** oh sweetheart

 **sorting hat:** dude

 **lion snake:** Adrien you really really do

 **dipshit:** Really?

 **_fergie_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_adriens legal guardian_ ** _._

 **adriens legal guardian:** someone needs to take care of you

 **dipshit:** I promise I’m fine  
I’ve got Nathalie

 **sorting hat:** does nathalie give you hugs

 **dipshit:** No?  
Why is that relevant?

 **adriens legal guardian:** SHE DOESNT COUNT THEN  
#HUGADRIENAGRESTE2K17

 **_adriens legal guardian_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_i love adrien_ ** _._

 **i love adrien:** turn on ur location agreste

 **dipshit:** Please know that’s actually kind of creepy  
I’m at home you don’t have to worry about location

 **i love adrien:** hella

 **sorting hat:** alya chill out with the name chagnes  
also now im gonna be confuse d

 **i love adrien:** i love him too but truuuuu

 **dipshit:**????

 **i love adrien:** can i change it

 **sorting hat:** last time for today??

 **i love adrien:** ilysm

 **_i love adrien_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub_ **

**dipshit:** I have a fanclub?  
Wait that wasn’t the smartest thing to say

 **lion snake:** Its a good thing youre cute

 **dipshit:** I try to ignore them

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** have u ever been on the official insta of the fanclub  
bc its hilarious  
and beautiful

 **dipshit:** ….  
Alya why

 **sorting hat:** oh we totally googled you

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** mhm

 **lion snake:** ^^^^

 **dipshit:** That’s…..nice of you?

 **lion snake:** Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable omg

 **dipshit:** It’s just? Kinda weird??  
I don’t mind and I probably should’ve expected it  
I just forget sometimes that that’s a thing people can/will do

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** adri if it makes u feel any better i google everyone  
ive googled everyone in this chat  
in our class  
their parents  
ymself  
random strangers if im able to

 **sorting hat:** that is not surprising at all

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ur not special  
i mean u r  
ur v special to me  
and ilysm  
but not here  
everyone gets googled and twitter stalked  
also tell whoevers running ur official accounts to be less lame  
idc about salad u eat

 **dipshit:** What????

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ur social media is B O R I N G  
i kno u dont run it but i still expected more memes

 **dipshit:** Honestly I don’t look at it

 **sorting hat:** its like the person we thought you were when we first met you except more boring

 **lion snake:** Ok no thats not true  
Because I thought he was an asshole

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** oh shit tru

 **dipshit:** Ahhhh yeah sorry about that

 **lion snake:** Its fine I promise!!! Weve talked about this  
Its like  
Super perfect adn model-y and professional andnot  at all a teenage loser who stayed up until 2 watching sailor moon and eating doritos

 **sorting hat:** fucking relatable

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** weebs

 **sorting hat:** yo youre the one who decided to date some

 **lion snake:** Hey Ive never asked  
Adrien do you have unofficial personal social media???

 **dipshit:** …………………….  
Shhhhhh

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** WHAAAAAAAT  
LINKS LINK S LINKS LINSK

 **dipshit:** I have a tumblr but that’s it

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** oh my go d  
this weekend  we get 2gether adn make adrien all the social media  
and we revamp his tumblr bc ur theme sucks

 **dipshit:** ????  
You’ve never even seen it???

 **cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i know it does marsh  
!!!!!!!!  
can u imagine if lb and cn had social media!!!!! id c r y

* * *

 _PM between_ **_dipshit_ ** _and_ **_lion snake_ **

**dipshit:** P l e a s e

 **lion snake:** Oh my og d

 **dipshit:** Please please please please please please please plEASE

 **lion snake:** HOld on!!! Im discussing with tikki

 **dipshit:** Plagg says he doesn’t care what we do

 **lion snake:** Yeah we arent trusting him

 **dipshit:** Fair enough  
WHAT IF I CAN GET SNAPCHAT ON MY BATON  
A LITERAL SNAP **CHAT**

 **lion snake:** No  
Just because of that  
No

 **dipshit:** Pleaaaaaseeeeeeeee  
My lady it’ll be great I swear

 **lion snake:** U gh  
Well talk on it on patrol tonight k??

 **dipshit:** YES!!!!

* * *

 

 _19:05 in_ **_hogwarts house discourse_ **

**sorting hat:** i know weve moved on but man. fuck snape

 

_20:12_

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** do u think if i track down lb and cn and ask them for their hogwarts houses theyll tell me

 **sorting hat:** worth a shot?

 

_20:42_

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** update: chat says ladybg is a gryffindor and lb says shes iether that or slytherin  
so like mari  
and they cant agree on cn

 

_22:53_

**sorting hat:** damn you adrien i cant stop thinking about this  
what is mari??  
what is adrien???  
what am i??  
al youre either gryffindor or ravenclaw ive decided

 **lion snake:** Youre the sorting hat shouldnt you know all???

 **sorting hat:** bruh we need the actual sorting hat for this

 **lion snake:** Fair enough

 **sorting hat:** lets say adrien is a hatstall and move on

* * *

_3:03_

_PM between_ **_dipshit_ ** _and_ **_lion snake_ **

**dipshit:** Rise and shine bugaboo  
Akuma at 3 o’clock  
Literally 3 o’clock the time not the like  
If you’re using 12, 3, 6, and 9 as directions  
It’s not  
You know what  
My tracker on my baton is turned on so use that to find me

 

_3:08_

**dipshit:** Mari  
Mari  
Alright plan b  
I’m gonna call  you and if you don’t pick up I’m going to show up on your balcony  
Which sounds creepy but also this akuma is now stacking cars and I don’t really know what to do?  
They aren’t even trying to do anything else right now  
Am I missing something???  
I’m confused

 

_3:12_

**_lion snake_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_ahHHH_ **

**ahHHH:** IM SO SORRY  
Tikki woke me up my phone was muted  
She says  
Waitw e dont hav etime for this  
Ive gotta transform so Ill talk to you when I get there??

 **dipshit:** It’s fine just watching an akuma build a tower out of cars  
Remind me to show you how to sync Skype up to your yoyo

 **ahHHH:** Youre on skype on your baton??

 **dipshit:** Yeah it makes things easier

 **ahHHH:** Huh  
Al and nino didnt wake up?

 **dipshit:** I think the akumas too far away for them to hear, but also it’s not exactly being distructive  
When we actually start fighting people might start waking up but for now it’s being pretty quiet even with the car stacking

 **ahHHH:** Well thats good they need their sleep  
Wait if the akuma was quiet how did you know??

 **dipshit:** People started posting to the Ladyblog forums and I had that open in another tab

 **ahHHH:** ???/  
Why were you up????

 **dipshit:** Bad night  
I couldn’t sleep so I put on Howl’s Moving Castle

 **ahHHH:** Feeling any better?

 **dipshit:** I’m sure I’ll feel better when I see you :3

 **ahHHH:** Oh myg do  
Itst oo early for this  
Ill see you in fa few just stop that cat face

 **dipshit:** ;3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be honest, i still don't know where i would sort these four. i'm truly awful at sorting characters and i don't generally like doing it because i feel like i'm putting them in boxes but!!! i always love hearing about people's sorts. hence why no one in this is given an official house
> 
> if you'd like to share where you think they should go and/or reasons why, i'd love to read your comments about it!!!
> 
> (also i have a personal headcanon about adrien and his mom watching ghibli movies together, specific howls, and you can pry that out of my cold, dead hands)


	15. life is meaningless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when it's 3 am and you're really tired and hawkmoth is still a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow has it been A Week
> 
> i have two tests in a few hours and i have so many notes left and calc problems and i'm dying so have this!
> 
> there are two links in the chapter and i know you're probably like. why would i click those? i mean i wouldn't trust me either, but i swear they're fine. ignore the first if you'd like, but if you don't click the second you're probably going to be fairly confused? you'll see what i mean 
> 
> this is extra long because i'm feeling extra procrastinate-y 
> 
> (sorting hat = nino, cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub = alya, dipshit = adrien, ahHHH = mari)
> 
> i'm off to fail. enjoy~

_ 3:23 _

**sorting hat:** what the fuck was i thinking  
were french   
wed go to beauxbatons  
oh also @alya akuma attack

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** but thats bORING  
wait what  
fuCK WHEN I FINALLY DECID E 2 SLEPE

**sorting hat:** please dont leave the house  
im too tired

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ….   
nino what the fuck is thsi akuma

**sorting hat:** why would i know???

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** bc i dont

**sorting hat:** love that 3 in the morning logic 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** all thats on the forums is pics of it stacking cars???????????  
@hawkmoth wyd

**sorting hat:** being a dick probably 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ok tru   
oooo something new in the inbox of the ladyblog  
make ur bets now 

**sorting hat:** i say random theory 

**dipshit:** Fanart duh 

**sorting hat:** bro!!! youre up!! <3

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** gm marshmallow my love

**sorting hat:** howd you wake up? did the akuma get close to your house and finally make noise or osmething?

**dipshit:** Oh I never went to bed

**sorting hat:** … 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** what the SHI T  
SLEEP BOI 

**dipshit:** Trust me, I would’ve if I wanted to

**sorting hat:** mari is the only one of us with any sense

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** shes a smart one 

**dipshit:** Yeah  
Anyway what’s in the inbox

**sorting hat:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VRr9NG7RE0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VRr9NG7RE0)

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** thank u bab much appreciated but also ur a nerd  
anyway its   
wait  
waht ths hit   
hlyk fucik 

**sorting hat:** uhhhh alya you ok??

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i S HTIS  AK JOKE   
IMS TCARED TO CPIICK IT 

**dipshit:** Well what is it?? 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** IS T A FICKUING VIDOE WITH CHANT OIRS  FACE AS THE THUMBLNAIL  
FIFS:DKLFJ:SDLKFJQWIUE:C:KJGK:SJ

**sorting hat:** wait like   
like he shot it himself??

**dipshit:** That’s some dedication is it like mid-akuma fight or something

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ahhhHHH I DON TKNOW I HAVNE TWATCHED IT YET  
its  
itS THE M   
TEHY METION ME   
MOM HOL Y FCUK   
i can t;breakt h  
im oginna die nsow   
WAITN I NEDD TO POST 

**sorting hat:** please dont die on us   
yo send me the link fam 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** DINOSUAR SCREEEECH  

**dipshit:** Did you mean pterodactyl screech 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** DO U THISNK I CAN SPELL THAT NR 

**dipshit:** Honestly I didn’t even spell it right I had to use spellcheck 

**sorting hat:** smh fake fan   
i bet you cant even name ten dinosaurs

**dipshit:** Do you want me to try???

**sorting hat:** no no i do not  
not right now  
maybe after school

**dipshit:** Does spelling count

**sorting hat:** yup  
scientific names only too bro no long neck bullshit

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:[ladyblog.tumblr.com/post/324367743289/update-from-the-favs](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9366023)**   
ICAHT STOP YELLING   
IM SO GETITN G INTORUBLE FOR BEIGS O LOUD BUT HOLY SHI T 

**sorting hat:** dang they look exhaust ed  
and that akuma really is just stacking cars

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i need a flashing gif thatj us tsays  
LADYNOIR IS CANON

**sorting hat:** bro thi s is so accurate to staying up until 3 am tho 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** HE CALLED HER PERFEC T

**dipshit:** Missed pun opportunity  
Could’ve said purrfect

**sorting hat:** im kicking you out

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** MARHSMALLOW I LIVOE U  
also i think theyr right about it being a kid

**sorting hat:** but like lb said its really late

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i mean tru 

**sorting hat:** it looks like theyre building a castel   
or somethng

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** a fortress!!!

**sorting hat:** yeah!!!

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** to protect them from d r a g o n s  
or scary things 

**sorting hat:** yo it couldve just been a kid with a nightmare if you by that

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** god whne the girls have a nightmare its ROUGH  
sometiems nothing will get them back to bed  
cant blame them i mean   
one of  the things that helps them is drwing nightmares  
fuk i woudlnt want to go back to sleep either

**dipshit:** The akumas building a fortress huh?

**sorting hat:** idk man we arent talking to the akuma  
ask chat

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** oh yeah no that failed

**sorting hat:** ????

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** he tried to talk to them and they just like  
picked him up and threw him away  
some1 submitted a video   
rip chat noir

**dipshit:** Sounds painful

**sorting hat:** rip in pepperoni   
anyway if you look at the akuma theyre sorta dressed up ya know

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i wanna say ur projecting the castle thing but ur right that thing in their hair looks like a crown 

**dipshit:** Huh you’re right 

**sorting hat:** man i need to sleep   
akumas are bullshit

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** i just watche dthe video for the sixth itm e  
im gnna memorize it 

**sorting hat:** babe please  
if youre gonna memorize something you should wait for a better vidoe 

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** DO U THINK THEYLLY SEND A NOTHER 

**sorting hat:** idk why not  
they sent thsi one

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
SHIT FAM   
oh snap here come the amgic ladybugs  
there the y go   
ayyyy

**sorting hat:** _ sleep _

**cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub:** ok godo plan  
see u in a few hours 2 cry

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_dipshit_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ahHHH:** I cannot bleieve you used our friends to stop an akuma 

**dipshit:** Can you please let me live

**ahHHH:** I cant believe you sent taht video to alya

**dipshit:** Did you see how happy she was?????

**ahHHH:** Oh my god   
Im going to bed   
Please actually sleep???

**dipshit:** Uhh  
No promises but I’ll try my best

**ahHHH:** You better  
Night kittne 

**dipshit:** See you in a few hours  
Night bugaboo

* * *

 

_ 7:58 in  **hogwarts house discourse** _

**sorting hat:** i want to die

**_cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ **

**_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ renamed this conversation to “life is meaningless”. _

**dipshit:** Optimistic

**ahHHH:** Fuck m y life and efverythign in it

 

 

_ 16:03 _

**_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “what the fUCK”. _

**ladynoir keeps me living:** what the fuc k what thif cuk what teh kcuk  
WHAT THE ICUK   
NINO 

**sorting hat:** babe im standing right next to you   
im processing   
gimme a fucking second

 **ladynoir keeps me living:**  ... 

 **sorting hat:** ok i had a second  
what

**ladynoir keeps me living:** whaT ETH FCUK   
YOU TWO    
REPSOND   
YOU FUCKERS BOLTED WHAT HTE UC K

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ladynoir keeps me living:** MARINETTE DUPAIN CHENG WHAT THE FUC K   
MARI!!!!!!!!!!!  
ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**ladynoir keeps me living:** answer uR GODDAMN PHON E  
I M GODING HUNT U DOWN I F U DONT RESPJNOD  

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_sorting hat_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**sorting hat:** did i just see what i htink i saw  
correction  
did alya and i see what we think i saw  
bro   
adrien agreste  
are you here  
hellllooooooo  
shit dude

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_sorting hat_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**sorting hat:** dude  
dude what was that  
how long has that been a thing  
broski  
marinette  
goddammit guys

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_ahHHH_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**dipshit:** Uh   
I’m really sorry about that   
It just   
Happened

**ahHHH:** Its fine   
Youre fine  
Its fine   
Were all fine 

**dipshit:** Are they…? 

**ahHHH:** Yup  
I have  
So many messages  
Oh my go d

**dipshit:** I’m so sorry 

**ahHHH:** Its both our faults or something 

**dipshit:** You want Alya or Nino 

**ahHHH:** Uh lets do this the simplest way you go nino i go alya  
Good luck

**dipshit:** Same to you 

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ahHHH:** What

**ladynoir keeps me living:** ok deep breaths  
do not what me   
i saw that   
nino saw that  
you lived it

**ahHHH:** lived what 

**ladynoir keeps me living: U JUST KISSED ADRIEN AGREST E**

**ahHHH:** um

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_sorting hat_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**dipshit:** Hey Nino  
What’s up

**sorting hat:** ha ha very funny  
alyas having a cow  
but seriously   
did you and marinette kiss

**dipshit:** Uhh   
I mean yes  
Yes we did  
There was lip touching going on there  
It was an accident

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ahHHH:** It was an accident!!!!

**ladynoir keeps me living:** an aCCIDENT 

**ahHHH:** Were both really tired and we were standing next to each otehr and idont know what happened 

**ladynoir keeps me living:** what did u fall asleep on each others lips or something?!??!??!?!?!?  
accident?!??????

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_sorting hat_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**sorting hat:** an accident

**dipshit:** I kind of  
Wasn’t thinking 

**sorting hat:** really fucknig smooth bro

**dipshit:** Sue me 

**sorting hat:** no thank s  
are you two dating now or? 

**dipshit:** No we’re not 

**sorting hat:** but you like marinette  
before you say no  
please know i just saw you lock lips  
and i also am your best friend  
and also have eyes

**dipshit:** Ok yes I like her

**sorting hat:** so are you gonna ask her out 

**dipshit:** Uhh  
...  
...no  
I don’t think so

**sorting hat:** bruh   
why not?? 

**dipshit:** It’s complicated

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ladynoir keeps me living:** i hate both of u  
ur actuallt he worst 

**ahHHH:** Im sorry???

**ladynoir keeps me living:** MAKE OUT ALREADY 

**ahHHH:** Alya stop!!!!! We arent dating or anyhting 

**ladynoir keeps me going:** what hte fUCK   
why not!!!!!  
u kissed!!!  
u 2 talk all the time  
u make each other laugh   
u spend a ton of time together  
u like each other  
ur dating 

**ahHHH:** Al Im not dating adrien!!!

**ladynoir keeps me going:** ok fine  
but u could

**ahHHH:** By that logic I could also be dating you and nino

**ladynoir keeps me going:** yes   
yes u could be

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_sorting hat_ ** _ and  _ **_dipshit_ **

**sorting hat:** complicated???   
what about it is complicated??????  
you like her she likes you  
if you havent figured that out by now  
i dont know what to tell you dude  
other than maybe all that homeschooling made you worse at social interaction than we thought   
cause its freaking obvious man   
like really   
really   
obvious

**dipshit:** It really is complicated, I swear 

**sorting hat:** what?? do you like someone else too or something? 

**dipshit:** Yeah   
Actually   
I do 

**sorting hat:** who?   
ladybug still??  
i mean same ladybug is fucking awesome and ive been in a room with teh two of you   
chemistry and awkwardness  
but like   
dont take this the wrong way dude but   
what are your chances?  
im not gonna pull an alya and say lb and cn are a thing   
but how well would dating a superhero really work out?   
you like mari mari likes you   
youve already kissed once  
you guys are so close already   
might as well just change the relationship status on facebook you know?   
adrien?  
ok well   
think on it dude   
ill be here if you wanna talk

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**ahHHH:** Its not that simple

**ladynoir keeps me living:** yes it is?   
do u like him? yes  
does he like u? yes  
did u like kissing him? im gonna guess yes  
is it the asking out part ur scared of cause i can totally bug him into asking u out first 

**ahHHH:** No its not that its just  
I  
Its kinda complicated

**ladynoir keeps me living:** ??????

**ahHHH:** I cant really 

**ladynoir keeps me living:** mari u ok??   
do u need me to come over cause i can 

**ahHHH:** No its ok Im fine

**ladynoir keeps me living:** did adrien do smth   
do i need to beat him up 

**ahHHH:** No!   
No its not him   
Adrien is perfect

**ladynoir keeps me living:** sap

**ahHHH:** Just  
Give me a minute   
Ok? 

**ladynoir keeps me living:** ill wait for u to text first

**ahHHH:** Thanks

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_dipshit_ ** _ and  _ **_ahHHH_ **

**dipshit:** So

**ahHHH:** So 

**dipshit:** That happened

**ahHHH:** Yup 

**dipshit:** Nino asked if we were dating

**ahHHH:** Alya did too 

**dipshit:** Mari I like you a lot 

**ahHHH:** And I really like you too   
But theres a but right? 

**dipshit:** Yeah   
You too? 

**ahHHH:** Yeah

**dipshit:** I think we should just  
Wait? A little bit? 

**ahHHH:** I was thinking the same thing   
Not necessarily a long time just  
Some   
Time

**dipshit:** Exactly  
I mean I’ve been in love with you for months honestly   
But there’s…

**ahHHH:** Same here   
I’ve had a huge embarrassing crush on you since the beginning of the year

**dipshit:** Glad we’re the same level of awkward and embarrassing

**ahHHH:** That wasnt our first kiss  
By the way  
Just  
Thought you should   
Probably know at this point 

**dipshit:** Wait what?    


**ahHHH:** Dark Cupid?   
You um   
I needed to break his hold on you and I remembered class and there had been something about a kis sbreaking a spell so   
Yeah   
You didnt remember so I didnt say anything    
Maybe I shouldve  
I jsut felt   
Really awkward about it???  
Sorry

**dipshit:** Oh   
Um 

**ahHHH:** IM REALLY REALLY SORRY 

**dipshit:** It’s fine!!!  
Really it’s fine  
It sounds like it’d be awkward to bring up   
But thanks for telling me   
I appreciate it 

**ahHHH:** Of course  
Um   
Im gonna do some homeowrk so I can go to bed early tonight  
Hopefully Hawkmoth will leave us alone

**dipshit:** Oh god I hope so    
I can’t do another late night   
That was terrible

**ahHHH:** That video was awful   
But it was fun   
You might sway me on this social media thing yet kitty 

**dipshit:** :3c

**ahHHH:** Youre the w o r s t 

**dipshit:** I know   
Let me know if you have any problems with chem or physics   
I did the homework while she was going over the stuff from yesterday 

**ahHHH:** Its unfair how smart you are

**dipshit:** Promise you’ll ask for help?? 

**ahHHH:** Yeah I promise  
Dont you have piano today?

**dipshit:** Yup and I should probably go get ready for that  
Good luck my lady

**ahHHH:** You too kitten 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love writing this fic sm but i have no idea what kind of garbage im churning out rn


	16. ur in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is literally 90% project runway memes and i'm not actually sorry at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad week. bad existence. 
> 
> i added in all the gifs/memes but the links are still there in case something happens idk 
> 
> ladynoir keeps me living = alya  
> ahHHH/its red = mari  
> sorting hat = nino  
> dipshit = adrien
> 
> btw there was a time jump between this chapter and the last. enjoy

_19:45 in **what the fUCK**_

**_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _has renamed this conversation to “ur in”._

 

_19:56_

**sorting hat:** what 

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** one day ur in  
and the next day  

 **ahHHH:** YOURE OUT

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** its like shes summoned  
i love it  

 **_ahHHH_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_its red_ **

**ladynoir keeps me living:** ahhh yes the pg version  

 **its red:** :P

 **sorting hat:** not that im complaining but waht brought this on??? 

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** memes

 **sorting hat:** yeah ok not surprising 

 **dipshit:** What did I come back to?

 **its red:** Project runway!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** i love how passionate she is about it  
it keeps me living  
so cute 

 **sorting hat:** maris been a fan since like  
it started  
throwback  

 **its red:** Yes!!! Ive been watching for forever I lvoe it  
I mean the challenges look ridiculous and Id probably fail so hard  

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** lies

 **dipshit:** No you wouldn’t

 **sorting hat:** bruh youd win

 **its red:** But I love watching it and its usually unnecessary drama  
AND THAT DRESS!!!!! IN THE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!  
Iconic  
Just  
A;alksjdf;lkajsegasd  
I love it so much?????????????????? 

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** aww mari ilysm <3 <3  
we gotta wathc it together sometime 

 **its red:** Omg nooooo Im t e r r i b l e when I watch it!!! Nino knows  
I make suuuch annoying commentary 

 **sorting hat:** dude no!! its not annoying its hilarious  
mari knows whats up  
and shes not afraid to say when something is ugly as fuck  

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** fugly  
that is the fugliest effing skirt ive ever seen

 **its red:** I havent said THAT  
But GOD some color choices??  
Smh arent you supposed to be good at this? 

 **sorting hat:** oh shIT

 **ladynoir keeps me living:**!!!! project runway we gotta make it a Thing

 **sorting hat:** why?

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** bc listening to adrien and mari make commentary sounds like the best thing ever????  
and also bc i love u all n wanna spend more time with u ilysm <3 

 **its red:** <3 <3 <3

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** btw!!!!  
@adrien  
u on boo  

 **dipshit:** Yeah I am!  
Sorry I was doing homework  
Technically I muted the chat but it’s open so muting it was kind of pointless 

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** lmao good going marsh

 **its red:** Nerd

 **sorting hat:** better than the rest of us

 **its red:** True

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** anyway  
my point  
adrien ur dad reminds me of tim gunn  

 **dipshit:**????

 **its red:** Oh my god……………..

 **sorting hat:** except for the part where tim cares about the contestants lol

 **its red:** _I see it_

 **ladynoir keeps me living:** and ull never unsee it

 **_ladynoir keeps me living_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_the worst_ **

**dipshit:** I don’t see it

 **the worst:** ofc u dont ur u  
ive gotchu boo  
<http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/lady-bug/images/3/3c/Gabriel_Agreste_Portrait.png/revision/20160119083252>  
<http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5949/2181/1600/343436/Tim2.jpg>  
  
  


**sorting hat:** wow that was fast 

 **the worst:** always have ur sources ready  
<3 

 **its red:** A;lkadslkfje al youre right Im never gonna unsee this  
Oh my god  

 **dipshit:** …………….  
Ok  
I kind of see this 

 **the worst:** VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
now we just need to get ur dad to say ‘make it work’  
my life will be Complete 

 **sorting hat:** id die

 **the worst:** u could say adriens a real  
son of a gunn 

 **its red:** Im leaving  

 **_dipshit_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_son of a gunn_ **

**the worst:** hell yeah  
im living  
this is a Gr9 day 

 **sorting hat:** itll be great until you decide to mail a bunch of pictures of tim gunn to the agrestes or something

 **its red:** Nino

 **son of a gunn:** Dude

 **the worst:** no worries i cant afford to actually mail stuff  
i can stuff them in ur mail thingy tho  
i need mor ememes brb 

 **sorting hat:** did you guys know that alya has a meme folder thats organized by meme type

 **its red:** Yup

 **son of a gunn:** Yeah she showed me the other day  
It’s terrifyingly impressive  
A meme goal  

 **sorting hat:** wild

 **son of a gunn:** While Al looks for memes I’m gonna work on physics

 **its red:** Please help me once you figure it out I have no idea wahts happening ; ^ ;  
I tried but I failed and Im dying 

 **sorting hat:** relatable  
fuck physics  

 **son of a gunn:** I’m trying 

 **its red:** I hate you

 **sorting hat:** have fun wiht the hw my dude

 

_20:18_

**the worst:** i hAVE A MEME FOR THAT 

 **sorting hat:** of course you do 

 **the worst:**<https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-09/7/15/enhanced/webdr11/anigif_enhanced-10581-1410116802-5_preview.gif>  
  
can i spam

 **sorting hat:** not stopping you

 **the worst:** helllllll yeah  
me whenever chloe is being That Way: [ https://31.media.tumblr.com/1ffd78617f80db077e4d9b1eb9ce0d69/tumblr_inline_mx9an02pq01r8yk4a.gif](https://31.media.tumblr.com/1ffd78617f80db077e4d9b1eb9ce0d69/tumblr_inline_mx9an02pq01r8yk4a.gif)  
  
me in school: <https://media0.giphy.com/media/nmuEJfxazCeWY/200_s.gif>  


**sorting hat:** hawk moth whenever lb and cn beat his akuma

 **the worst:** lmao truuuuu  
when the akuma starts ranting: <https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QUA93c6J_50/hqdefault.jpg>  


**sorting hat:** me 99% of the time  

 **the worst:** marinette: <https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-09/7/15/enhanced/webdr04/anigif_enhanced-8322-1410118076-7_preview.gif>  


**sorting hat:** oh my god  
shes ruthless  

 **the worst:** t b h  
me @ all of u (and also lb and cn <3): <https://media4.giphy.com/media/Qfm8NOxDypgNG/200_s.gif>  
 

 **sorting hat:** aww babe  
oh yo! speaking of the supers i got some rad pics of them on patrol a few minutes ago 

 **the worst:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
share share share share 

 **sorting hat:** already emailed dude

 **the worst:** YES  
im ready  
i love these things why is project runway so great  
<http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/dpdtg.gif>  
  
can we go harry potter and find out how to print oug ifs

 **sorting hat:** bro thatd be so rad  
why dont we have this technology yet 

 **the worst:** back to teh future lied to us

 **sorting hat:** im personally offended 

 **the worst:** me realizing we were betrayed by b2tf: <https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/0c/3d/47/0c3d476815a8c4ddb5398d1d65c72e19.jpg>  


**sorting hat:** me too

 

 _21:01_  

 **_sorting hat_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_lol death_ **

 

_21:19_

**the worst:**<https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/86/17/ff/8617ff316b06452b54c539e8da5fcc7c.gif>  
 

 **lol death:** did you already have that saved or did you spend almost 20 min searching for it

 **the worst:** shut ur face  
i have it saved  
i was doing hw  
like a _good student_  

 **lol death:** ok fuck you too then

 **its red:** Guys please Im so tired 

 **lol death:** me too my man

 **the worst:** awww mar love its not even 21:30???

 **its red:** Yeah but????  
Akuma attack last night near my house and the one this mornign  
Al Im dying  

 **the worst:** o rite  
D:  

 **lol death:** i wonder if hawk moth takes complaints

 **the worst:** hey girl is all ur hw done??

 **its red:** No but as much as Im gonan get done  
Im going to bed  
Love you see you tomorrow <3 <3 

* * *

_PM between_ ** _its red_** _and_ ** _son of a gunn_**  

 **son of a gunn:** Hey Mari  
I only left your house like two minutes ago  

 **its red:** Ye Im perfectly aware  
I was there 

 **son of a gunn:** :P I was just gonna say that you still had makeup on when I left

 **its red:** FUC K

 **son of a gunn:** Yeah you might want to take that off

 **its red:** Ok brb I have to scrub this off

 **son of a gunn:** Sounds good  
Honestly I’m too tired to even move from the couch  
I sat down when I got back and I don’t think I can get back up  
Not even worth getting up to put on pjs  
Im;definitely falling asleep ok nigh t 

 **its red:** Wait  
Wiat you didnt change  
Adrien  
Adrien  
ADRIEN  
GEt up  
WAKE UP  
Im calling you butt 

_Call failed._

**its red:** A D R I E N  A G R E S T E  
GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF 

 **son of a gunn:** Jesus chrsit mari at least as k me to dinner first  
Plagg i s pissed btw

 **its red:** THANK GOD  
Change. Now.  

 **son of a gunn:** But Im confortble??? And sleepy

 **its red:** I can tell from your typing abilities 

 **son of a gunn:** I hate you

 **its red:** Take your binder off Adrien

 **son of a gunn:** Oh fuck  
You should’ve just said that 

 **its red:** Listen Im tired too  
I took off my makeup and started putting it bac k on  

 **son of a gunn:** Why>???

 **its red:** Hell if I know  

 **son of a gunn:** Sorry Plagg and I are usually more on top of this we’re just  
Really tired 

 **its red:** Tired??  
I figured 

 **son of a gunn:** Thank you <3

 **its red:** Is it off??

 **son of a gunn:** Yup  
I’m awake now though  
Adrenaline  
Thanks for that 

 **its red:** Youre welcome  
I am too  
Dont scare me like that  
I thoguht I was gonna have to transform and come over

 **son of a gunn:** Sorry about that  
Wann a rabbit ghibli movies until we pass out 

 **its red:** Yes please  
Ill probably fall asleep soon  

 **son of a gunn:** Its fine  
I probably will too  
Here  
[https://www.rabb.it/modelboyagreste](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4kjlhwQjxY) 

 **its red:** <3 <3 <3 love you

* * *

_5:28 in **ur in**_  

 **lol death:** im awake and crave death

 

 _6:49_  

 **the worst:** babe the fuck???  
why 

 **lol death:** idk man my body didnt want to sleep anymore

 **the worst:** ur body is rude 

 **lol death:** tell me about it  
got any memes for this  

 **the worst:** prw memes??? hmmm  
lemme check my stash 

 **lol death:** youre ridiculous  

 **the worst:** yeah but you love me anyway so???? whos the real loser???????  
this?  
<http://www.ladylike.gr/articles/style/Moda/article4415425.ece/BINARY/original/fa2.gif>  
  
actually thats me most of the time

 **lol death:** me when adrien and marinette said they kissed on accident

 **the worst:** jfc same  
me @ u waking up b4 6: [ https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d4/be/b3/d4beb329482fd53963b43162ac943f00.jpg](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d4/be/b3/d4beb329482fd53963b43162ac943f00.jpg)  
  
me when u dont get enough sleep: [ http://24.media.tumblr.com/b71611dba76a40406365dca5021e3514/tumblr_mmrovvj6LJ1s1ltxco1_250.gif](http://24.media.tumblr.com/b71611dba76a40406365dca5021e3514/tumblr_mmrovvj6LJ1s1ltxco1_250.gif)  
  
me when u complain later today: <https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/52/c0/f4/52c0f4f52ab7b01d1d5f8ccbfcc9d710.jpg>  


**lol death:** youre never going to stop are you

 **the worst:** nope  
i dont even know what to use this ofr <http://www.vitamin-ha.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Vh-academic-tim-gunn.jpg>  


**son of a gunn:** What is even happening here

 **lol death:** the usual 

 **the worst:** memes of ur dad

 **son of a gunn:** Not surprising

 **lol death:** hey youre usually up at ungodly times  
7:10 is kinda late for you  

 **son of a gunn:** Mari and I couldn’t sleep so we stayed up and watched ghibli movies  
I’m kinda wiped  

 **the worst:** we werent invited??????  
i feel betrayed  
me when i read that: <https://media3.giphy.com/media/43CUKQKlW1QMo/200_s.gif>  
 

 **lol death:** i need you to Stop

 **the worst:** never 

 **son of a gunn:** We didn’t even talk we just let the movies run

 **the worst:** no declarations of love??

 **son of a gunn:** What

 **the worst:** no midnight makeouts????

 **son of a gunn:**??? through??? a computer??????

 **the worst:** literally all you did was watch a movie in silence

 **son of a gunn:** Yes????

 **the worst:**<https://media.giphy.com/media/12VdjHO7bCwpZm/giphy.gif>  
 

 **lol death:** ok im breaking up with you

 **the worst:**<http://49.media.tumblr.com/7a98abb516687969fc93da6f512f1b8e/tumblr_nyuur58ahK1tb8iyko1_500.gif>  


**lol death:** whAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 **son of a gunn:** I’m gonna wear a crop top so hard today Alya just watch me

 **the worst:** [ http://49.media.tumblr.com/7a98abb516687969fc93da6f512f1b8e/tumblr_nyuur58ahK1tb8iyko1_500.gif ](http://49.media.tumblr.com/7a98abb516687969fc93da6f512f1b8e/tumblr_nyuur58ahK1tb8iyko1_500.gif) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you didn't click adrien's rabbit link you really should. it's a music box cover of the theme from howl's moving castle and i love it. 
> 
> also yes. adrien is trans.


	17. viva la pluto fuck u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S P A C E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok a few things before i start
> 
> 1\. i got a few questions about this so: adrien is a trans boy! he uses he/him and he wears a binder. his dead name is unimportant and wont be mentioned at all. the fact that hes trans has no real bearing on the plot, hes trans and thats that. itll be mentioned again but its not whats complicating him and marinettes relationship or anything like that. also, hes out to the general public! as chat noir tho, hes really only out to ladybug. (the rest of the public thinks hes a cis boy, because hes masculine presenting) feel free to ask anything else if youre curious!
> 
> 2\. thank you for being so patient with my other writing. im in a really bad place right now and even this was a challenge
> 
> 3\. ok so SPACE!! as of now (feb 24) all the information in this chapter should be fairly accurate? i didnt do a ton of research and probably couldve done more but this is my lazy fic (and it was midnight lol), so if information is inaccurate maybe chalk it up to the fact that the characters are just yelling at each other and also that new information couldve come out since i posted this
> 
> 4\. i headcanon adrien as a general science geek. like i have an old wip from last year where he freaked out about gravitational waves. since ive always had adrien and stars be a thing, this didnt feel like too much of a stretch to me but hey, for your consideration: adrien loving space
> 
> 5\. ladyserendipitous asked if this means wanna chat is happening real time now. sure? i have no idea what the timeline for this fic is so i hope its not too confusing or out there or whatever
> 
> 6\. son of a gunn = adrien, the worst = alya, lol death = nino, its red = mari
> 
> 7\. enjoy!

_5:37_

**son of a gunn:** NASA!!! PLANETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!  
AHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **_son of a gun_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_trappist_ **

 

_6:42_

**the worst:** as adorable as it is to see u nerd out like the loser u are  
sleep boi

 **trappist:** WHO CAN SLEEP AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **lol death:** hello my dudes why are we yelling

 **trappist:** NASA!!!!!!!!!

 **lol death:** nice  
the one good thing the americans gave us

 **the worst:** what about youtube

 **lol death:** shit youre right  
what about nasa bro

 **trappist:** SEVEN NEW PLANETS!!!  
Oh my god oh my god  
Ok so it’s actually probably best if you just read stuff on it???  
Because I don’t know if I’m going to explain it well  
I mean I definitely won’t btu  
NASA found seven planets orbiting TRAPPIST-1!!!  
And three are in the habitable zone of the star which is  
!!!!!!!!!!

 **the worst:** this is rlly cute but im also lost

 **lol death:** yo my man if youre free at all today you can ramble/show me as many videos/articles as youd like

 **trappist:** REally???

 **lol death:** of course!  
i love hearing you talk about stuff like this man  
the day the confirmed gravitational waves was awesome

 **trappist:** WASN’T IT??????!?!?!?!!!  
Anyway!! They’re nicknamed Goldilocks planets Al!!

 **the worst:** o shit i know what that means!!!

 **trappist:** The three in the habitable zone are the best candidates for supporting life!!!!!!!!

 **the worst:** does this mean

 **lol death:** holy shit

 **the worst:** alIENS 

**trappist: ALIENS!!!!!!**

**lol death:** a l i e n s

 

_7:13_

**its red:** I love you all but why do you not sleep

 **lol death:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAlDoAtV7Y ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAlDoAtV7Y)

**the worst:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWXXA1p618c ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWXXA1p618c)

**trappist:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQoRXhS7vlU  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQoRXhS7vlU)Wow

 **the worst:** awww i love u 2 <3 <3

 **its red:** …………..  
Im going back to bed

 **trappist:** MarI WAIT BUT ALIEN S

 **its red:** Im not watching any conspiracy videos

 **trappist:** IT’S NOT A CONSPIRACY THERE’S JUST ALMOST NO WAY THAT WE CAN BE THE ONLY LIFEFORMS IN THE UNIVERSE

 **its red:** Get moRE SLEEP

 **the worst:** WHY ARE WE YELLING

 **lol death:** ILLUMINATI 

**the worst:** *X FILES THEME SONG*

 **its red:** YOU LITERALLY DID THAT 5 MINUTES AGO

 **trappist:** MARI LET ME YELL ABOUT SPACE

 **its red:** SPACE IS SCARY

 **trappist:** YOU’RE SCARY

 **lol death:** DUDE ILL MEET YOU AT SCHOOL I HOPE YOURE READY TO YELL

 **trappist:** I ALWAYS AM

 **its red:** CAN WE STOP USING CAPS NOW

 **the worst:** N E V E R

 **its red:** FUC K

 

_16:05_

**the worst:** should pluto be a planet again  
discuss  
(spoiler: it should)

 **trappist:** I don’t know…

 **the worst:** u donT BELIEVE IN PLUTO

 **trappist:** I mean  
If Pluto is a planet so is Ceres and a bunch of other celestial bodies past Neptune?  
If I’m remembering right, I haven’t read up on this in a while

 **the worst:** firsT OF ALL  
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK U

 **_the worst_ ** _has renamed this conversation to “viva la pluto fuck u”._

 **_the worst_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_pluto is better than u_ **

**trappist:** Wow  
I mean…  
Hell, Al  
Next you’re going to say there’s only 86 elements on the periodic table  
Data changes!!! That’s how science works!

 **pluto is better than u:** SECOND OF ALL  
TELL THAT TO NASA SCIENTISTS  
PLUTO IS A PLANETTTTT

 **trappist:** Why am I telling this to NASA

 **pluto is better than u:** PLUTO MIGHT BE A PLANET AGAIN FUCK U

 **trappist:** Wait what??? Since when????

 **pluto is better than u:** i thought u were the resident nerd  
shouldnt u b up 2 date on all this???

 **trappist:** No???

 **pluto is better than u:** google is ur friend

 **trappist:** …  
Alya this was literally DAYS AGO  
How would I know this?????  
Also, the official NASA site hasn’t changed  
I trust the scientists and NASA. If/when they make an official announcement, I’ll get back to you on Pluto’s planetary status

 **pluto is better than u:** nerd

 **trappist:** <3

 

_16:25_

**lol death:** @adrien  
on my way dude  
hope youre ready to scream about space

 **trappist:**!!!!!  <3 <3 <3

 

_19:16_

**its red:** I keep missing space talk  
Sigh

 **pluto is better than u:** is pluto a planet mari

 **its red:** Pluto is whatever it wants to be

 **pluto is better than u:** cop out

 

_20:02_

**_lol death_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_space bro_ **

**space bro:** first of all seeing adrien nerd out about space is probably the cutest thing ever  
second of all thiS IS SO RAD  
LIKE DUDES!!!!  
MAYBE BLACK PLANTS????  
20 DAY YEAR  
SEEING THE SURFACE OF A PLANET FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!!!!!!  
TH EFUCK

 **trappist:** I KNOW!!!!!!!!

 **its red:** Hmmm I need a space name

 **_its red_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_galaxy print_ **

**galaxy print:** Perfect

 **space bro:** adrien is literally like vibrating hes so excited  
this is adorable?

 **trappist:** Space is so cool!!!  
I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little for a while!  
My mom taught me so many stars  
I HAV E TO TELL CHLOE

 **galaxy print:**???

 **pluto is better than u:** i didnt know chloe liked space

 **trappist:** She knew more about stars than I did growin gup   
Ok brb

 **space bro:** have fun dude!!

* * *

_PM between_ **_galaxy print_ ** _and_ **_pluto is better than u_**

 **galaxy print:** Alyaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **pluto is better than u:** i kno babe  
ohhh i kno

 **galaxy print:** Hes so cute and Im dying

 **pluto is better than u:** same??  
u can get through this

 **galaxy print:** AaaaahhHHHHHHHH

* * *

_21:24 in_ **_viva la pluto fuck u_ **

**trappist:** I love space

 **pluto is better than u:** go 2 bed nerd

 **trappist:** It’s not that late!  
Besides, I don’t think anyone else is asleep  
Role call

 **galaxy print:** Shhhh Im trying to work on a dress  
The pattern is lowkey killing me

 **pluto is better than u:** aww rip

 **trappist:** I’m sure it’s beautiful

 **galaxy print:** <3

 **space bro:** im just working on some tracks  
ill bring them to school tomorrow cause i need a second opinion

 **pluto is better than u:** !!!!!  
im ready

 **trappist:** Told you everyone was awake Al

 **pluto is better than u:** fite me  
man everyone is doing creative stuff i feel lame  
r u doing creative stuff marshmallow

 **trappist:** Nah I’m reading more science articles

 **pluto is better than u:** ok not surprising  
does this mean i have to entertain myself??  
youtube here i come

 

_22:06_

**pluto is better than u:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvrhoQdz7GQ&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvrhoQdz7GQ&feature=youtu.be)

 

_22:17_

**galaxy print:** Alya wtf

 **pluto is better than u:** this is why u dont leave me alone

 

_22:21_

**trappist:** That vampire looks traumatized

 **space bro:** why is a pumpkin hitting on a vampire

 **pluto is better than u:** The Straights r at it again

 **galaxy print:** Alya I hate you

 **pluto is better than u:** <3

 

_22:28_

**pluto is better than u:** 2 make up for that  
here u go  
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A50UmcbZoE>[**  
**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A50UmcbZoE)i swear its cool

 **trappist:** Oh my god this must’ve taken forever????

 **pluto is better than u:** r u gonna nerd out now?

 **trappist:** ………...no  
The physics of the bottles to get them to hit the right note—  
Ok yes

 **pluto is better than u:** wanna call? i kno its late but im so very very bored

 **trappist:** Bored enough to listen to me talk about the physics of sound?

 **pluto is better than u:** hmmm  
yes  
u can yell about planets too

 **trappist:** Nice  
Ok give me two seconds

* * *

_PM between_ **_pluto is better than u_ ** _and_ **_trappist_**

_22:34: Call started_

* * *

_PM between_ **_pluto is better than u_ ** _and_ **_space bro_**

 **pluto is better than u:** how is he like this

 **space bro:** adrien??

 **pluto is better than u:** yup  
hes so excited >?? what is this

 **space bro:** get used to it man  
he literally never stops

 **pluto is better than u:** i kno i call him sunshine byt om g

 **space bro:** same tbh

* * *

_PM between_ **_pluto is better than u_ ** _and_ **_galaxy print_**

 **pluto is better than u:** ur bf is too cute for me  
im dyin g

 **galaxy print:** Oh myg od we arent dating al

 **pluto is better than u:** get on that girl oh my god

 **galaxy print:** Hes really cute though isnt he omg  
I hat ehim

 **pluto is better than u:** uh huh

* * *

_PM between_ **_pluto is better than u_ ** _and_ **_trappist_**

_23:52: Call ended: 1 hour 18 minutes 22 seconds_

**pluto is better than u:** @skype why r u like this

 **trappist:** Hey it worked for a lot longer than usual!!  
This is probably a sign that I should sleep  
You too

 **pluto is better than u:** :///  
k fine  
night adrien!!  <3 <3 <3

 **trappist:** Night Al<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [random things im posting about trappist on tumblr that i sorta referenced in this](http://annaveth.tumblr.com/tagged/trappist1)  
> [a cnn article that makes it a little clearer](http://www.nature.com/articles/nature21360.epdf?referrer_access_token=7t6C7kx-ti7iEr4HA7addNRgN0jAjWel9jnR3ZoTv0Oz3YdHxWj23YXu-nIMQxTk9Hh2e43Bmz3uVpmZy4vUvcdDsyfwBTWhDKgWdMQzae6fISEfSemR4Ds6Puy5RGfyZaT3hLQzG7mW3c6YqZBqKQF2yrVsgVnrgoxqfIUY8NVPlZi2ERBcNRMzTXsRpSWDrxbmjGc_14rMArZyXmHIHToB3O4_mDwf_DNVsUT5bGY%3D&tracking_referrer=www.cnn.com>the%20nature.com%20article%20on%20trappist-1%20and%20this%20stuff</a>%0A<a%20href=)  
> [plutos planetary status is up in the air again???](http://www.astronomy.com/news/2017/02/will-pluto-be-a-planet-again) literally tho my friends ladyserendipitous and megatraven told me to have a pluto discussion forever ago and when i googled it yesterday i saw that there were articles from two days ago about pluto being a planet or not and was like ???? so timing!!!  
> [i found this after the chapter was written. youre welcome](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwSx67WcpiQ)


	18. boo you whore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mari is sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so its been a while
> 
> im in a really crappy mental place and like my entire life is drowned in discourse right now (specifically today) and its making me an anxious mess. so today i slept, avoided the discord app as much as possible, only spent like 20 minutes total on tumblr, and worked on this. its bad but i need proof that today was worth it so *jazz hands*
> 
> pluto is better than u = alya, space bro = nino, trappist = adrien, galaxy print = mari

_ 1:15  _

**pluto is better than u:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ikWb_Xjako  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ikWb_Xjako) pour one out for vine 

 

_ 6:48 _

**space bro:** alya  
i love you  
but why do you never sleep  
like  
my dude

 

_ 7:08 _

**pluto is better than u:** rip vine  
u were a good 

 

_ 8:03 _

**space bro:** yo mari you coming today

 

_ 8:17 _

**pluto is better than u:** hello hello hellloooooooooo

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_trappist_ ** _ and  _ **_galaxy print_ **

**trappist:** I’m assuming you aren’t going to class today  
I’m going in late because of a photoshoot, but I can swing by during lunch with work if you want some? Or later tonight?  
Just let me know  
<3

* * *

 

_ 13:31 _

**galaxy print:** So rry Ij ust woke up  
Holy  on I cant typ ern  
Oh go d

**space bro:** oh man dude are you ok????

**pluto is better than u:** D: D: D:  
mari ur worst than me when im sleep deprived

**galaxy print:** FIght me alys 

**_pluto is better than u_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_alys_ **

**galaxy print:** Fucck you 

**alys:** i luvve u

**galaxy print:** Im gonn a vough on you  
Couhg  
Cough  
FUck 

**space bro:** im guessing youre sick

**_galaxy print_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_cough cough_ **

**cough cough:** Ye 

**alys:** babe :(

**space bro:** feel better mar!!  
you arent missing anything much its all boring

**alys:** ummm IM LONELY  
thats important!!!!!

**cough cough:**  you ve got the boys right in fornt of you  
Front

**alys:** yeah but  
:’(

**space bro:** want us to drop your work off at your place after school dude? 

**cough cough:** No  
I dont want towork 

**trappist:** I’m already on it  
You two can tag along if you want though 

**cough cough:** D:  
Nooooo  
I dont awnt it  
My hea d hursts

**space bro:** we can come over and chill with you 

**alys:** CUDDLES

**space bro:** ^^^

**cough cough:** Im siCK  
I dont want you gettin s ick too 

**_alys_ ** _ renamed this conversation to “boo you whore”.  _

**space bro:** back at it again with the american memes

**alys:** mean girls is not restricted to one country  
it is Iconic and international and also timeless

**cough cough:** Can you qote the hwole movie? 

**space bro:** mari dude go back to bed  
like ily but rest my man

**alys:** nah i cant but marsh can

**cough cough:** Wha t

**space bro:** hold up

**alys:** B) 

**_trappist_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_glen coco_ **

**glen coco:** I guess it’s natural for parents to cry on their kid’s first day of school  
But you know this usually happens when the kid is five  
I’m sixteen  
And until today  
I was homeschooled

**space bro:** alright damn  
confession time ive only seen like half of mean girls

**_alys_ ** _ removed  _ **_space bro_ ** _ from this group.  _

**cough cough:** Ru de

**alys:** not seeing mean girls is an insult to my honor

**cough cough:** Ok princ e zuko

**_glen coco_ ** _ added  _ **_space bro_ ** _ to this group.  _

**alys:** hmmm who would b the zuko of our group  
antagonist turned  good  
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**space bro:** first of all  
fuck you alya

**alys:** ;* 

**space bro:** second of all what are we doing now??  
i thought we were on mean girls

**alys:** the gorup chat stops for no one babe

**cough cough:** I dont think any of us arE Zuko???

**glen coco:** Yeah, as much as I love Zuko I don’t think I’m even remotely close to him  
Not honor driven enough

**alys:** not angsty enough

**space bro:** i dunno  
adrien cn be pretty angsty

**alys:** poll time say aye if you had a crush on prince zuko growing up  
not book 1 zuko that was some bullshit  
were talking book 3 redemption arc zuko  
the Good Shit  
cause aye as fuck

**space bro:** aye

**glen coco:** Aye

**cough cough:** ay e

**alys:** im glad were friends

 

_ 15:03 _

**glen coco:** Hey Mari we’re on our way

 

_ 15:10 _

**alys:** if ur unconsciou s can i nap w u im wiped 

**space bro:** shes not gonna answer if shes asleep babe  
also just joining her for a nap is weir d

**alys:** im standing right next to u  
insult me 2 my face u coward

**space bro:** ok 

**glen coco:** Mari I hope you’re awake because please save me from these two

 

_ 15:43 _

**cough cough:** Ye I wasnt awak e  
My he ad hurt sstill and my eyes got like  
Stuck shut?????  
Tmi?

**alys:** nothings tmi when it comes to u <3

**space bro:** id like to argue that there are in fact somethings that ARE tmi  
but yaeh this isnt one of them  
were chilling in the park across the street cause your mom said you were asleep  
she offered to just take your hw but we said wed wait to explain it all

**alys:** pfff theres no explanation needed  
we just wanted 2 see u 

**cough cough:** Ugh you dindt have to do that  
I dont want to ge tanyone sick 

**space bro:** you wont!!!

**cough cough:** You odnt know htat!!!

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_cough cough_ ** _ and  _ **_glen coco_ **

**glen coco:** Obviously patrol for tonight is canceled

**cough cough:** :(  
TIkki said shed leave if I tired to go  
Tried  
And i STarted cryin g

**glen coco:** Aww Mari  
She wouldn’t leave you she just wants you to take care of yourself  
Tikki loves  you too much to leave you 

**cough cough:** Im going to start crying again 

**glen coco:** D:  
NOT my intention!!!  
Do you need a hug??

**cough cough:** NO  
BECAUS E IM SICJK  
DONT CME NEAR M E

**glen coco:** We’re in your living room and on our way up

**cough cough:** nooooooooo  
:’(  
Im gross and crying rnight now why eould you do thsi to me 

**glen coco:** Because we love you and you definitely need a hug right now  
And maybe more medication

**cough cough:** This s the wors thting to ever happen ot m e

**glen coco:** Knock knock 

**cough cough:** :/

* * *

 

_ 16:21 in  _ **_boo you whore_ **

**cough cough:** I hate yoiu all  
Thanks for coming over <3 <3

**alys:** <3

**space bro:** of course dude!! you looked like you needed the company 

**cough cough:** If you all get sick you can tblam e me  
I told you not to come near me  
Cuddling mgihtve been too much   


**glen coco:** Cuddling is never too much

**alys:** ^^^

**space bro:** ditto

 

_ 22:44  _

**alys:** hello?  
112?  
yeah  
fuck my life and everything in it

**space bro:** you think i can bribe hawkmoth into taking a day off

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_cough cough_ ** _ and  _ **_glen coco_ **

**cough cough:** Oh no

**glen coco:** Do not

**cough cough:** I have to???  
I feel like Im gonna fall over  
THe world is spinny  
Oh n o 

**glen coco:** I fight the akuma, you do nothing until you absolutely have to  
We can’t have you falling off a roof or something

**cough cough:** Do you think if I just cry at the akuma itll purify itself

**glen coco:** We can try

**cough cough:** :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 112 is one of the emergency numbers for france
> 
> sorry for always ending like this? its late and im tired and have wanted to sleep for like 3 hours


	19. red the blood of blood blood blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette is still sick and dying and adrien's reading an old french book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is like...twice as long as a normal chapter. anyway i was in les mis the other week and i sent something and someone thought it was a les mis chapter of wanna chat. and reyxa encouraged it so Here We Are
> 
> this chapter continues right off of the last one because i found a note with sick quotes on it. i kept the les mis as light and understandable as possible but just like..let me know if it makes 0 sense. i had to get this out of my system because ive been in a writing funk
> 
> (mari = cough cough, nino = space bro, alya = alys, adrien = glen coco)
> 
> enjoy?

_ 3:12 in  _ **_boo you whore_ **

**cough cough:** gmoring i cant brethe out of mynose rn   
Im not goin g ot be in school today   
:(  
Bu ti cant sleep anymore because I cnat breath e  
iim gonna go watch youtube videos 

 

_ 6:37 _

**space bro:** my dude  
i hope youre feeling better when you wake up 

 

_ 6:43 _

**glen coco:** If you’re not turn on the shower really hot and sit in the bathroom with the steam 

**alys:** or drown urself in cold medicine 

**glen coco:** Don’t do that

**space bro:** never listen to alya

**alys:** dont listen to these traitors

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_glen coco_ ** _ and  _ **_cough cough_ **

**glen coco:** I bet the akuma attack last night really didn’t help  
Don’t worry about anything today I can handle it unless it’s another akuma  
Just get some rest   
<3

* * *

_ 10:03 in **boo you whore** _

**cough cough:** Self care is chugging five cups of tea and astral projecting behind a mcdonalds to punch hawkmoth in the face

 

_ 11:46 _

**glen coco:** Mari no 

**alys:** mari yes

**space bro:** mari wtf

**cough cough:** Im dyin g 

**alys:** tag urself im punching hm in the face

**space bro:** im astral projection 

**glen coco:** Five c ups of tea

**cough cough:** Does that make me the mcdonalds

**space bro:** congrats mari 

**glen coco:** I can’t believe Mari is the golden arches

**_alys_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_punching hawkmoth in the face_ **

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** im finally my True Self  
gang follwo suit 

**cough cough:** Why shoul d I LISten to you 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** bc u love me and want me 2 b happy  
and also bc i still have ur jacket in my bedroom

**cough cough:** Fuck 

**_cough cough_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_mcdonalds_ **

**space bros:** al youre ridic

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** just do it babe

**_space bros_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_astral projection_ **

**astral projection:** there ya go 

**glen coco:** Rip Glen Coco

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** truly a her o of his generation :’(

**mcdonalds:** RIp 

**_glen coco_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_five cups of tea_ **

**five cups of tea:** Rebirth

**mcdonalds:** I hate you all img oing ot bed 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** goodnight my darlign <3

**astral projection:** nap well bro   
hopefully you feel better when you wake up

 

_ 15:37  _

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** remind me to throw my bag in the seine  
i dont wanna do hw  :(

**astral projection:** i feel you

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** wanna get togheter and do hw

**astral projection:** do homework   
or   
“do homework” 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** have u ever met me  
“””””””do homework”””””””

**astral projection:** i need to figure out physics my dude

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** D’:

**five cups of tea:** I can help you when I get home tonight

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**astral projection:** the real mvp   
i love you 

**five cups of tea:** I love you too  
Have fun   
Use protection

**astral projection:** alya please kick him out of the chat

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** no i like him 

**astral projection:** fuck

 

_ 18:57 _   
  
**mcdonalds:** Screens hurt my head irhgt now   
Im gonna watch reruns and keep sleepng 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** feel better babe <3

 

_ 22:15 _

**five cups of tea:** Ok so the other day instead of doing homework I started reading les mis    
ANd now instead of doing homework I’m reading les mis again   
I can’t believe this is how I’m procrastinating 

**astral projection:** what

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** the musical????

**five cups of tea:** No the book   
Which the musical is based off of

**astral projection:** what a nerd

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** lmao   
how is it

**five cups of tea:** Old  
Long

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** how long? 

**five cups of tea:** Uhhh  
655,000 words

**mcdonalds:** jesus 

**astral projection:** what the actual fuck 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** holllllly fuck 

**astral projection:** you my dude are unreal

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** for fun???? r u sure this is for fun???????

**five cups of tea:** I think so?   
It’s kind of boring sometimes and hard to get through but other parts are really good  
Also if I’m reading I don’t have to practice chinese

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** touche

**astral projection:** have fun reading bro   
you are unbelievable

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_five cups of tea_ ** _ and  _ **_mcdonalds_ **

**five cups of tea:** Hey why are you up? I thought you were heading off to bed a while ago?

**mcdonalds:** I didnt take nyquil tonight because I felt a little better and didnt want to pass the fuck out again but now Im awake and cant sleep because my head feels like its gonna explode  
And I regret  
So much

**five cups of tea:** Aw no poor bug

**mcdonalds:** Ugh 

**five cups of tea:** Do you want anything? 

**mcdonalds:** You dont have to

**five cups of tea:** Do you want anything?  
If you want soup I can get you some

**mcdonalds:** Its like???? Really late?????

**five cups of tea:** Mar its only 20:30

**mcdonalds:** Oh  
It feels like 1   
But its still late 

**five cups of tea:** Ok well  
Late night food is not a new thing  
Trust me

**mcdonalds:** …   
If you brought me soup Id love you forever

**five cups of tea:** I thought you already did

**mcdonalds:** Id love you even more

**five cups of tea:** I’ll be on my way soon

**mcdonalds:** I love you so much <3

* * *

_ 23:35 in  **boo you whore** _

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** what if you took tea in shots  
like shot glasses

**five cups of tea:** Like with hot tea? 

**astral projection:** i feel like thats a good way to burn your entire mouth

**five cups of tea:** *entire life

**astral projection:** ^^^

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** hmmm

**five cups of tea:** Alya no

**astral projection:** yeah bad idea

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** f i n e

 

_ 1:02 _

**mcdonalds:** sos Im dying  
I constantly feel like Im about to sneeze  
If I dont feel that way its cause Im sneezing

**astral projection:** rip my dude  
guessing you cnat sleep while sneezing

**mcdonalds:** Nope :’(  
End my suffering please

**astral projection:** no can do   
i can offer virtual hugs

**mcdonalds:** I guess thatll work for now

**astral projection:** <3

* * *

 

_ 2:03  _

_ PM between  _ **_five cups of tea_ ** _ and  _ **_mcdonalds_ **

**five cups of tea:** Hey  
Hey   
Marinette  
Hey  
I have something to show you

**mcdonalds:** Adrien its 2 in the morning

**five cups of tea:** So? You’re up too

**mcdonalds:** I slept all day

**mcdonalds:** Yeah but you’re awake right now

**mcdonalds:** …   
Fine  
Hit me

**five cups of tea:** “When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder and asked him: ‘What is your name?’”   
Us

**mcdonalds:** Oh my go d    
This is les mis right??? What youw ere talking about before??

**five cups of tea:** Yup

**mcdonalds:** Omg  
Why are you like this 

**five cups of tea:** Ok but am I wrong????

**mcdonalds:** I cant say you are tbh 

**five cups of tea:** Man I feel like Marius am I like Marius??

**mcdonalds:** Whats he like?

**five cups of tea:** Kind of oblivious, pretty romantic but sort of in a weird way, awkward, usually confused but can be scary if he needs to, handsome as hell and love of my life that I would honestly leave all three of you for 

**mcdonalds:** Wow  
Are you sure you havent already

**five cups of tea:** :P  
Actually….

**mcdonalds:** Are you suddenly realizing youve left us for a fictional character

**five cups of tea:** No I was oging to say I might be more like Bossuet

**mcdonalds:** Youre just saying words  
I dont know who that is

**five cups of tea:** He always has bad luck  
Like always  
Ummmm hold on

**mcdonalds:** K  
Who would I be???

**five cups of tea:** “He was the constant victim of mischance, hence his merriment. He said, ‘I spend my life walking under ladders.’” 

**mcdonalds:** Ok you mgiht be this Bossuet you bad luck magnet

**five cups of tea:** For you   
Hmmmm  
Enjolras? 

**mcdonalds:** Not cosette??   
Shes the love interest right

**five cups of tea:** As much as I love you  
Enjolras is the leader in red  
And I just can’t help myself

**mcdonalds:** Nerd  
Are you goind to do alya and nino too?

**five cups of tea:** D u h 

 

_ 2:34 _

**mcdonalds:** Adrien??  
You ok?  
Youve been quiet for a while   
Or did you fall asleep on your computer again 

**five cups of tea:** No I’m here  
I’m just  
Stuck  
This is haarrrrrdddddddddd  
Alya and Nino are just so deep and complex and awesome and I dont’ know how to place them???

**mcdonalds:** True  
But wow   
Slightly offended

**five cups of tea:** Hey yours is based on a pun   
I can pun easy 

**mcdonalds:** G o to sleep kitten   
You can sort them in the mornign   
Later this morning 

**five cups of tea:** _ Fine  
_ I hope you’re feeling better

**mcdonalds:** A little bit!!   
The soup definitely helped  
Night <3

**five cups of tea:** Night <3

* * *

_ 10:25 in **boo you whore** _

**astral projection:** saturdays are chill but my mom wants us to clean the entire apartment today and im not about that life

 

_ 12:12 _

**_mcdonalds_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_enjolras_ **

**enjolras:** I have no idea who thi s is but I hope it makes Adrien happy

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** ????   
wahts ahppenign 

**enjolras:** Adrien said I was this charactera t like 2 

**astral projection:** why the fuck do none of you people value sleep 

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** how theh ell did that even come up in conversation 

**enjolras:** He was saying he thinks hes like Marius 

**astral projection:** huh

**five cups of tea:** I’m not sure yet

**astral projection:** bro!!!

**five cups of tea:** I'm thinking either Marius or bossuet for myself

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** r we supposed 2 know the second one

**enjolras:** Hes got bad luck  
Thats what I got from our convo when no one else was awake

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** change ur name i want u2b the hopeless romantic

**astral projection:** isnt he already??

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** lmao 

**_five cups of tea_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_marius_ **

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** awesome  
were u gonna do nino and i??

**marius:** Yeah I’m just having some trouble

**astral projection:** yeah were just too unique to be put into little boxes

**marius:** Exactly

**astral projection:** that was sarcasm but i love you so much 

**marius:** <3

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** hey question   
not that im doubting maris badassary  
but why enjolras

**marius:** Enjolras is incredibly passionate and would do anything for his friends and the people of Paris  
Reminds me of how Marinette is as class president

* * *

  _P_ _M between_ ** _marius_** _and_ ** _enjolras_**

**enjolras:** Nice save

**marius:** Thanks

* * *

_in boo_ **_you whore_ **

**astral projection:** I see it 

**marius:** Alya could be eponine?

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** shes the one who cries about marius right

**marius:** Well I was actually thinking her cause  
Ponine she knows her way around  
And all that stuff  
But yes she cries about Marius she does have a song about that

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_punching hawkmoth in the face_ ** _ and  _ **_astral projection_ **

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** lmao did he just give me the character hopelessly in love with marius

**astral projection:** rip

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** end my life

* * *

_in **boo**_ **_you whore_ **

**punching hawkmoth in the face:** i cna work with that

**_punching hawkmoth in the face_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_eponine_ **

**astral projection:** and then tehre was one

**marius:** I’m struggling

**enjolras:** Arent we all

**eponine:** Id help but I know literally nothing other than some of the lyrics  
RED THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

**astral projection:** theres no way that isnt right  
im 100% sure those are the actual words

**eponine:** BLACK THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

**enjolras:** Period mood

**eponine:** general mood 

**enjolras:** Ok same

**eponine:** mood: red and black but the only words are blood 

**_enjolras_ ** _ renamed this conversation to “red the blood of blood blood blood”  _

**eponine:** yes exactly

**astral projection:** sometimes i wonder why im friends with you 

**eponine:** because u love us and would be sad without us 

**astral projection:** ok yes  
but also   
why 

**marius:** I mean maybe Grantaire?   
He’s a jack of all trades?  
Nino you are…really hard to place   
But R might be the best bet

**enjolras:** Wait a minute  
R?

**marius:** Yes

**enjolras:** Get out of this chat

**marius:** </3

**astral projection:** that is amazing 

**_astral projection_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_grantaire_ **

**grantaire:** in it for the puns

**marius:** So is Hugo 

**enjolras:** Who 

**marius:** The writer of les mis

**eponine:** tag yourself im les miserables  
all of them 

**grantaire:** you cant be  _ all _ the miserables

**eponine:** watch me try

**marius:** Sorry you must have no idea what’s going on 

**grantaire:** not really  
we have nothing to contribute but keep going dude!!!  
i love to hear you ramble 

**eponine:** oh oh i have something to contribute

**enjolras:** You do?

**eponine:** 24601?  
more like 246 so done with your shit

**enjolras:** Im leaving the country

**grantaire:** whos shit?

**eponine:** uh  
oh fuck   
whos the antagonist again 

**marius:** Society

**grantaire:** deep

**enjolras:** Stop being fake deep 

**eponine:** feep   
anyway no u butt the police dude

**marius:** The only evil in les mis IS society  
And the Thenardiers  
OH    
JAVERT

**eponine:** YES THANK YOU 

**marius:** Javert: do not forget my name   
Alya: forgets his name

**eponine:** fuck you   
also   
246 so done with your shit javert

**grantaire:** thank you for clarifying

**eponine:** no prob

**enjolras:** Ok so Im googling stuff to try and figure out whats happening  
And wow  
This is depressing  
¾ of us die

**_marius_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_bossuet_ **

**bossuet:** Now all of us die

**eponine:** nope  
change back 2 lover boy  
ur not dying too

**grantaire:** um no one is dying my dudes

**bossuet:** We’re always dying    
But fine

**_bossuet_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_marius_ **

**enjolras:** Im pretty sure Im dying righ tnow   
I almost coughed up a lung 

**eponine:** GO TAKE MEDICIN E 

**enjolras:** You arent my mom!!!!!!!!!

**eponine:** THAT DOESNT MEAN I DONT CCARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HEALTH!!!!!!!!!

**enjolras:** AHHHHH

**eponine:** AHHHHHH

**grantaire:** Ahhhhh?

**marius:** Ahhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a great ending to a great chapter /sarcasm/ 
> 
> grantaire really doesnt fit nino but i was honestly having a hard time and just was like ok whatever 
> 
> btw the pun in grantaire: in french, grantaire can be seen to mean grand r. grand r = capital r. victor hugo was a big fan of puns
> 
> my friend started singing red and black one day and changed all the words to blood and that just...randomly plays in my head sometimes. doing this show was definitely an experience 
> 
> also, i have two versions of les mis that are different translations. the first quote (about marius and cosette) is sterling publishing edition from barnes and noble and the second (about bossuet) is the penguin books movie version translated by norman denny. the first quote is mostly the same, but the other version of the bossuet quote was: "Some misfortune happened to him every moment, hence his joviality. He said: 'I live under falling tiles.'" it was fascinating to see how different they can be
> 
> the next chapter is a fun one. also, you know how i mentioned i actually have a vague plot for this fic?


	20. who was adrien agrestes first kiss??? find out more at 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a new phone thief in town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead yet but i'm v close
> 
> eponine = alya  
> enjolras = marinette  
> grantaire = nino  
> marius = adrien 
> 
> enjoy

_ 13:04 _

**eponine:** dont listen to marinette

**enjolras:** Ummm????   
LIsten to Marinette 

**eponine:** no fuck u 

**enjolras:** :P

**grantaire:**????????  
what did you do  

**eponine:** NOTHI N G

**enjolras:** She tried to chase Chat after the akuma attack and almost fell in the Seine 

**eponine:** _ i did not  _

**enjolras:** She was 100% ready to swim

**eponine:** NO I WANS T

**grantaire:** oh is that where you went 

**eponine:** f i g h t  m e

**grantaire:** al youd do anything for another interview wiht one of them 

**eponine:** >:(   
u arent wrong tho 

**grantaire:** exactly  
i cant believe you almost went into the river  

**eponine:** i hate you 

 

 _14:16_  

**enjolras:** Has anyone heard from Adrien today??

**grantaire:** i talked to him thsi morning 

**enjolras:** When was this morning

**grantaire:** uhhh like….   
2  

**enjolras:** Sleep??? Is a thing??????????

**grantaire:** video games are also a thing

**enjolras:** I hate you 

**grantaire:** </3

 

 _14:25_  

**eponine:** good afternoon i am gay

**grantaire:** youre bi

**eponine:** good afternoon i am bi  
do u have a moment 2 talk about our lord and savior   
ladybug 

**enjolras:** Why are you like thsi 

**eponine:** im running on like 5 cups of coffee

**marius:** lmao lame 

**eponine:** what 

**grantaire:** ?????

**enjolras:** Did alya steal adriens phone again 

**eponine:** first of all rude  
second of all   
what 

 **marius:** who even is everyone on here??}  
what kind of nerd club is this  

**_grantaire_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_nino_ **

**nino:** blame adrien  
he got all geeky on us  

**_eponine_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_ladybugfan2020_ **

**ladybugfan2020:** hello im still bi 

**marius:** what in fresh hell is going on here

**_enjolras_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_mari_ **

**mari:** Who are you???   
And why do you have Adriens phone  

 **marius:** because he’s too trusting lol   
guess who’s thumbprint is in it and has access to everything 

 **nino:** i know my dude doesnt have anything weird on his phone that he wouldnt want people to see  
but still  
bro thats ominous  

 **marius:** ;* 

**ladybugfan2020:** really tho who r u 

**marius:** god i can’t believe you can’t figure it out  
who do you think adrien would trust not only with his phone but also enough to put their fingerprint in it????? 

 **ladybugfan2020:** nino  
mari  
probably not me but a girl can dream  
ladybug  
chat  
link 

 **marius:** i’m stopping you right there because fictional characters don’t count  
i’m honestly offended  
is there a block button on skype??? 

 **mari:** Why do you have his phone Chloe? 

 **marius:** wow!!! one of you has a brain!!! a concept 

 **nino:** oh shit he had a big photoshoot today didnt he  
man i feel bad that i forgot 

**mari:** He didnt want to talk about it much dont feel too bad

**marius:** no shame on you for forgetting  
clearly i’m the only one who cares about adrien here 

 ** _ladybugfan2020_** _has removed_ ** _marius_** _from the group._  

**mari:** Alya no 

**ladybugfan2020:** alya yes??  
i dont like her 

**mari:** I mean same but Adrein wont know why hes been removed 

**nino:** mars got a point 

**ladybugfan2020:** ugh y do i like either of u 

**_ladybugfan2020_ ** _ has added  _ **_marius_ ** _ to the group.  _

**marius:** fucking rude

**ladybugfan2020:** fight me

**marius:** maybe i will!!!!

**nino:** last time you did that al got akumatized lets ton e it down 

**_marius_ ** _ left this group _

**_ladybugfan2020_ ** _ has added  _ **_marius_ ** _ to this group.  _

**marius:** fuck you

**ladybugfan2020:** oh u wish

**marius:** i want out 

**mari:** Then put down Adriens phone??

**marius:** i’m bored  
this photoshoot is boring  
you’re all JUST as boring though  

**_marius_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_chlo_ **

**chlo:** a random reminder that i hate you all and am only talking to you because i’m desperate

**nino:** im honored

**chlo:** you should be

**ladybugfan2020:** new question   
y r u at the photoshoot

**chlo:** cause i was in part of it??  
duh 

**mari:** You model? 

**chlo:** ok so clearly i need to talking up myself MORE  
i thought that was something people like you wanted me to stop doing   
make up your mind 

**mari:** You cant tell but Im rolling m y eyes

**chlo:** of course i’m a model have you  _ seen me _

**nino:** unfortunately 

**chlo:** fuck off

**_ladybugfan2020_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “chloe sux”  _

**chlo:** fucking   
this is why i’m not friends with any of you  

**mari:** Lets be real you wouldnt be friends with us if we werent like this 

**chlo:** probably true

**nino:** i dunno   
we were pretty close when we were  
6?  

 **chlo:** oh god don’t remind me   
i’ve blocked that from my memory 

 **nino:** what? dont like remembering how we got married on the playground 

**chlo:** get out of my life lahiffe

**nino:** are we getting a divorce?? 

**mari:** No you got divorced when we were 8

**ladybugfan2020:** i feel like im watching a soap opera  
wild  
did we all get married on the playground???  
i got married to this girl in my class when i was 4 and she was my first kiss good times   
we had to break up tho cause she wanted to go on the slide when i wanted to use the monkey bars 

**mari:** Aw tragic young love

**chlo:** not surprised

**ladybugfan2020:** k ive shared every1 else go share ur 1st kiss

**mari:** Kim in a game of truth or dare when I was eleven 

**nino:** chloe at our wedding

**chlo:** lame  
also i don’t owe you anything cesaire  

**ladybugfan2020:** i can just ask adrien later

**chlo:** fuck   
ok i kissed alix the day before nino and i got married  
alix kissed me  
i think it was a dare  

 **nino:** i cannot believe you cheated on me  
i want another divorce 

**chlo:** yeah yeah

**ladybugfan2020:** whyd u 2 divorce anyway?

**nino:** chloe didnt invite me to her birthday

**chlo:** ummm?????   
i mean no i didn’t   
because it was a girls only sleepover  
but also i remember YOU had a crush on mari   
_so_  

**ladybugfan2020:** just kno i am living

**mari:** YOu had a crush on me when we wer e 8???

**nino:** mari i hope you know everyone has had a crush on you 

**mari:** ???????????????

**ladybugfan2020:** can confirm 

**chlo:** ew they need me to do something i’ll steal adrien’s phone back later  
be less lame when i get back 

**nino:** no promises

**ladybugfan2020:** lmao anyway   
now we just gotta find out who adriens 1st kiss was  
any1 kno?  

**mari:** Nino would know

**nino:** i mean i do but thats for him to share   
im sure he will but ill let him do it 

 **ladybugfan2020:** nice  
now we just gotta remember to ask  
ive got it 

**_ladybugfan2020_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “who was adrien agrestes first kiss??? find out more at 6”.  _

**mari:** Subtle

**ladybufan2020:** thanks

 

 _14:43_  

**chlo:** i lived bitch

**nino:** did chloe just meme

**chlo:** of course i did????  
i mean come ON adrien agreste is my best friend  
what did you expect?  

**nino:** nah dude hes my bes t friend

**chlo:** no he’s not

**ladybugfan2020:** rude™

**mari:** Were his best friends???? 

 **chlo:** pff  
you’re more than just his friends 

**ladybugfan2020:** ????

**chlo:** nothing  
anyway you people are boring _god  
_ did you do __nothing while i was gone??  
how does he suffer being in your presence 

**nino:** has anyone ever told you youre kinda rude and obnoxious

**chlo:** yeah you  
multiple times 

**nino:** cool imma do it again 

**chlo:** where’s the middle finger emoji 

**nino:** :P

**mari:** I cant believe you came back  

**chlo:** yeah neither can i   
guess you’re less boring and annoying than doing nothing

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_chlo_ ** _ and  _ **_ladybugfan2020_ **

**ladybugfan2020:** can i ask y u hate mari 

**chlo:** i don’t hate her

**ladybufan2020:** … 

**chlo:** it’s a long story

**ladybugfan2020:** well shes my best friend and ur kind of a dick to her

**chlo:** yeah well i’m not a nice person 

**ladybugfan2020:** have u ever considered trying to b a nicer person

**chlo:** fuck off  
adrien agreste is my best friend  
what the hell do you think 

**ladybugfan2020:** try harder

* * *

_in **who was adrien agrestes first kiss??? find out more at 6**_  

**mari:** Has Adrien seriously been working this whole time???

**chlo:** not constantly but he hasn’t had much downtime  
when he’s not getting pictures taken of him they’re having him do other stuff  
probably cause he’s the boss’ kid but i don’t know  
i just pose and look pretty 

**nino:** use no brain power like usual

**chlo:** haha very funny

**ladybug2020:** do u think hes gonna read through all these messages???

**mari:** Depends on if hes tired or not 

**ladybug2020:** mk  
hey sunshine  
if ur reading this  
ilysm  
thats all 

**chlo:** ugh they need me 

**mari:** I mean you are like  
Working 

**chlo:** whatever  
we’re almost done so adrien will probably be on next  
bye losers

**nino:** bye ex wife

 

 _15:07_  

**chlo:** Ok I see that something happened  
Oh my username has changed  
Well ok that explains almost everything

**_chlo_** _has changed their nickname to_ ** _adrien_**  

**adrien:** I had to turn autocaps back on 

**nino:** dude thats lame

**adrien:** I’m a lame person  
Also to answer the chat name’s question   
Nino 

 **ladybugfan2020:**????????  
what???????????  
when did this happen?????? 

**adrien:** A few months ago?

**nino:** sounds about right 

 **adrien:** I had to do a photoshoot that was going to involve kissing a girl and I didn’t want my first kiss to be work related  
I was talking about it to Nino and he was like “the answer is to have your first kiss before the photoshoot”  

**mari:** And so the next logical step was to kiss NIno

**adrien:** …yeah sort of 

**nino:** fun fact adrien is a great kisser  
@alya cause mari already knows 

**mari:** Please stop talking to me oh my god 

**ladybugfan2020:** i feel like im missing out   
how do i get adrien agreste to kiss me  
how did u do it mari?   
it was an accident right??? just like…fall asleep on his face?  

**mari:** I’m leaving goodbye I hate you all

**ladybugfan2020:** </3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo whats up check out my [tumblr](http://sadrien.tumblr.com) if you wanna support me and my garbage writing thanks


	21. out damned spot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a murder plan most foul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo whats up. before we start, a few things: 
> 
> -yes, adrien and nino’s kiss was before dark cupid  
> -yes, adrien knows that him and marinette kissed during dark cupid. marinette told him in ch15  
> -even if it wasn’t i doubt adrien would count dark cupid as his first kiss, seeing that he doesn’t remember it
> 
> now that thats done, warning for discussions of like...murder in this chapter? they dont actually kill anyone but theyre just like...casually discussing how you would kill someone with x or y. its mostly just ridiculous but there are a few parts that could be considered kind of gross so, tread carefully if needed. (conversation creds to erin, rey, gabie, and a few cameos from priya because i basically stole that wild ride of a conversation we were on) 
> 
> enjoy?

_ 11:24 _

**nino:** im pretty sure chat noir was just flirting with me

**ladybugfan2020:** get it boy  
would u break up with me for chat? 

**nino:** …  
yeah probably

**ladybugfan2020:** cool same

**nino:** im glad were on the same page 

 

_ 23:57 _

**mari:** Im gonna go murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream.  
Bye

**nino:** how

**ladybugfan2020:** are u gonna drown in whipped cream  
because that would be the best death tbh 

**nino:** i dont think its murder if you kill yourself 

**ladybugfan2020:** i would get a sibling to do it

**mari:** Bad news alya

**ladybugfan2020:** or like……………….a hitman  
hire a hitman to kill you with a bowl of whipped cream 

**nino:** yo since youre dead you dont have to pay them 

**mari:** I dont think thats how that works

**adrien:** What did I just walk into??

**nino:** YO HITMAN HIT ME UP WITH SOME MORE WHIPPED CREAM

**ladybugfan2020:** how would u kno how it works mari? 

**mari:** Hey adrien  
Just murdering myself with a bowl of whipped cream 

**adrien:** Not possible

**ladybugfan2020:** um??? says who

**adrien:** Prove to me you can die by whipped cream  
Draw me a diagram

**nino:** if i had to choose a topping to die by id choose hot fudge probably 

**mari:** Ooo

**adrien:** If you got a tub of whipped cream  
And like  
Just hit a person with it  
With like…the tub  
That might  
Kill you  
I guess? 

**nino:** bruh

**ladybugfan2020:** but wouldnt u rather choke on whipped cream

**adrien:** That’s harder?  
Like you’d have to get it into their mouth

**mari:** If anyone says anything about kinks I will leave this groupcaht and terminate all friendships

**nino:** fucking chri st 

**alya:** IM 

**adrien:** Wait wait  
Ignore mari and her gutter mind

**mari:** HEY

**adrien:** Tell me  
How to kill a person with whipped cream 

**nino:** why? you got someone you want dead? there are easier ways my dude

**adrien:** Indulge me

**ladybugfan2020:** k heres the plan  
u knock them out with the tub of whipped cream  
theyr not dead but theyr momentarily unconscious  
then u stuff a bunch of whipped cream in their mouth and up their nose  
and when they regain consciousness they choke on the whipped cream and die

**adrien:** Ok  
Ok so  
You take the can  
And beat them over the head  
Until unconscious

**ladybugfan2020:** yes

**adrien:** BUT  
You fill their nostrils

**nino:** apparently

**adrien:** With whipped cream  
And their mouths

**ladybugfan2020:** uh huh

**adrien:** Let it dry  
Until they slowly

**ladybufan2020:** dry??????????

**adrien:** Just suffocate

**nino:** no no put them in a freezer  
let the cream freeze

**mari:** This is not where I was expecting this conversation to go  
Wait what????

**ladybug2020:** no u wait until they regain consciousness  
does whipped cream dry  
@mari do u have whipped cream we can test stuff with 

**mari:** Why go through all this trouble when you can just snap someones necK? 

**nino:** put them in th e freezer so the whipped cream freezes and retains its shape

**ladybugfan2020:** because death by whipped cream is the best way to go 

**nino:** itd be like shoving a throat shaped mold down their throat and they cant breath e around it and they die

**ladybugfan2020:** y would u do that

**adrien:** No man

**mari: W** hat the fukc 

**adrien:** You’d have to like

**nino:** ok look  
you cant breathe around a block of cream in your mouth  
and nostrils  
eventually youll pass out from lack of oxygen

**ladybugfan2020:** ye thats teh point of putting whipped cream in their mouths

**mari:** But then is it death by whipped cream or just suffocation

**adrien:** No that’s my point 

**nino:** so freezing it would work the best

**adrien:** ….  
Wait  


**ladybugfan2020:** the WHIPPED CREAM is doing the suffocation 

**adrien:** It IS death  
Wait  
No

**ladybugfan2020:** so it IS death by whipped cream 

**adrien:** It’s death by whipped cream  
The whipped cream  
Caused it  
….  
Hm

**nino:** yes

**ladybugfan2020:** ok but y does that working best matter  
either way

**mari:** Mmmm now Im thinking about death by chocolate

**ladybugfan2020:** they die  
and its death by whipped cream

**adrien:** Death by chocolate is more complicated

**nino:** if you take melted chocolate and insert it into your veins

**adrien:** You can’t beat someone with a Hershey’s bar

**ladybug2020:** putting them in the freezer would just be extra  
@ the freezing the whipped cream

**nino:** you can poison yourself

**adrien:** I don’t know  
I think chocolate is too thick for that 

**ladybugfan2020:** about the beating  
what about this giant ass ones u can buy online for lots of money i dont have  
adrien might have to provide the murder weapon for this one

**mari:** I meant death by chocolate cakes adn stuff but ok  
Good job team

**adrien:** Oh

**nino:** the meter and a half chocolate bar al?

**adrien:** Just buy like… 10000 chocolate cakes

**ladybugfan2020:** hell yeah nino 

**nino:** i mean… you can shove cake up their nose?  

**adrien:** Get a pick up truck

**mari:** Where the actual fuck is this going

**adrien:** And then just  
All at once

**ladybug2020:** nah nah you could do it the same way as the whipped cream

**adrien:** Drop the cakes on the person  
All at once

**nino:** run them over

**adrien:** Until they die  
NO  
That’s not death by chocolate cake  
That’s death by getting hit with a truck

**mari:** Alya whatare you even talkling about 

**ladybufan2020:** u put the cake in their mouth after u knock them cold

**adrien:** Alya what the hell

**nino:** put cake over their eyes

**adrien:** Stop knocking them out!

**mari:** Why is cake on eyes????

**nino:** so they can pay the boat man  
and cross the river styx

**mari:** Youre spending too much time with Adrien 

**nino:** or just throw them in the freezer

**mari:** Can we not just eat dessert?????

**ladybugfan2020:** do u kno how hard it is to put a body in a freezer

**nino:** not that hard

**mari:** How the fuck do you know??????

**nino:** alyas little sisters locked me in a freezer once when i brought them to her moms work  
it sucked man 

**ladybug2020:** boy that was a body sized freezer

**adrien:** It’ll be like that scene in Tangled

**mari:** jfc

**ladybugfan2020:** u gotta have the strength to lift like,,, a pERSON 

**adrien:** Where Rapunzel tries to put Flynn in the dresser

**mari:** All my friends are serial killers

**ladybufan2020:** thats hard bruh

**nino:** not if you put your back into it  
fireman carry 

**adrien:** Ok question  
What do you do AFTER you put it in the freezer?  
At least if you chop a body up

**nino:** whoa there sweeney todd

**adrien:** You just drain the blood

**ladybugfan2020:** too messy  
  


**adrien:** Fill a bag with spices  
Put the parts in  
And just throw it out 

**nino:** just roast it though???? dude, embrace the sweeney

**ladybugfan2020:** no but thats not death by whatever sweet you wanna kill them with  
thats just killing them 

**nino:** like if i throw it in a fire, itll smell like shit, but you can pass it off as burning trash or something 

**adrien:** Where would you even do that?  
That’s so conspicuous 

**nino:** first of all sweeney todd did it in londo n  
second like...farmland? 

**adrien:** Yeah Sweeney Todd isn’t real though 

**ladybug2020:** ah yes the farmland in paris

**nino:** well drive out to the farm with the body 

**adrien:** Who are you going to blame it on when they find a burned body???

**nino:** theres no one around  
its farmland  
theres like  
2 people  
they wont find a burned body

**adrien:** The suspect list can fit on a post it note  
Do you know how they identify burned bodies?  
We’ve watched detective shows together, right?  
I didn’t hallucinate that???

**mari:** Didnt this start with me saying I was gonna murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream

**adrien:** Dental records Nino

**nino:** just do it at a vacant farm dude

**adrien:** You’d have to like   
Pull the teeth out  
THEN brun them  
Messy but the job gets done 

**mari:** I needed to know like -2 things I learned tonight  
This morngn

**nino:** messy????  
YOU CHOPPED THEM UP 

**mari:** This conversation is over 10 minutes long and thats about 9 minutes too long 

**adrien:** And honestly? If you’re going through this? Just dissolve the flesh 

**ladybugfan2020:** gross

**nino:** ohhh acid bath

**adrien:** Well you decided to murder someone Al  
It’s going to be gross

**ladybugfan2020:** where do u get acid tho  
cause thats a lot of acid

**adrien:** I’m sure you could find it somewhere

**mari:** Ok Im ending this conversation befor esomeone googles something they regret

**ladybugfan2020:**  call up lb and cn we now have a solid plan for defeatin g hawk moth  
just beat him up with whipped cream

**mari:** Im going to bed I hate all of you

**nino:** night dude dont let the bedbugs bite

**ladybugfan2020:** or the murderers

**mari:** Fuck off

 

_ 2:46 _

**adrien:** I’ve been watching so many cop shows  
I could probably get away with murder

**ladybugfan2020:** HOW  
to get away with murder  
lmao im hilariou s 

**nino:** yo consider this  
going the fuck to sleep

**adrien:** One more episode

**nino:** im gonna show up at your house and force you to go to bed

**adrien:** What are you going to do cuddle me to sleep? 

**nino:** yes

**ladybugfan2020:** hi get a room 

**adrien:** </3

 

_ 4:19 _

**_mari_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “fuck you all”.  _

**mari:** I dreamed about murder and literally had blood all over me  
I hat e you peopl e

 

_ 6:48 _

**nino:** nice carrie style

 

_ 7:02 _

**_adrien_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “out damned spot”.  _

 

 

_ 7:14 _

  
**ladybugfan2020:** what a nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how are you all 
> 
> (this chapter is me trying to get back into the swing of things dont mind me)


	22. orange wake up mari!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you know how many flavors of capri sun there are? no. you don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup
> 
> woke up feeling super drained and out of it this morning. thought maybe writing would help, but nothing was working, so we're here. 
> 
> shoutout to sunlitshowers on tumblr because we looked up flavors of capri sun for an answer on my deh ask blog and she found so many great capri sun flavors and ads. it was amazing
> 
> i dont know whats happening here anymore but enjoy

_ 2:45 _

**nino:** yo check out how many flavors of fucking caprisun there is  
[ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capri_Sun#Flavors ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capri_Sun#Flavors)

 

_ 6:23 _

**ladybugfan2020:** rip me apparently there was an akuma attack last night????? and i missed it???  
oh it was on the other side of the city w/e then i got pics its chill  
whats this link nino??   
caprisun??  
holy SHIT   
i need 2 try alL OF THESE  
tag yourself im……..   
monster alarm  
i am monster alarm

**_ladybugfan2020_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_monster alarm_ **

 

_ 6:39 _

**_nino_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_mystic dragon_ **

**mystic dragon:** what do you think mystic dragon tastes like

**monster alarm:** something fucking awesome

**adrien:** I have so many questions

**mystic dragon:** click the link my dude  
join us in this knowledge

**adrien:** What the hell???   
Who thought that the world needed THAT MANY flavors of Capri Sun???

**monster alarm:** me  
this is amazing  
im living   
i love it   
hey marsh  
think u can pull some strings so we can get every single of caprisun ever

**adrien:** No offense but I don’t think my dad would be thrilled with buying  
Um  
43 different flavors of Capri Sun

**mystic dragon:** did you just count those

**monster alarm:** MORE than 43 thats definitely MORE

**adrien:** Only 43 flavors are for sale! We don’t even live in the right country for some of these

**monster alarm:** come on rich boy!!!!!  
also,, nickanme

**adrien:** Fine fine

**_adrien_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_multivitamin_ **

**mystic dragon:** boy

**monster alarm:** why do i like you

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_multivitamin_ ** _ and  _ **_marinette_ **

**multivitamin:** Hey Mari  
Guess what  
If we were a Capri Sun flavored, we’d be power team

* * *

 

_ 8:02 in out damned spot _

**mystic dragon:** has anyone talked to mari today????

**monster alarm:** not me

**multivitamin:** Nope

**mystic dragon:** do you think shes awake? 

**monster alarm:** uh oh 

**_monster alarm_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to “orange wake up mari!!!”. _

**mystic dragon:** oh yeah thatll DEFINITELY work al  
good job

**monster alarm:** what am i supposed to do!!!!!!!!!!!!! i already tried calling she didnt pick up

**multivitamin:** I’ve got her

**monster alarm:** wait really?? 

**multivitamin:** Yeah sorry we might’ve called at the same time

**monster alarm:** cool   
see u nerds at school 

**mystic dragon:** i feel so loved

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_multivitamin_ ** _ and  _ **_marinette_ **

**multivitamin:** Mari  
Mari  
Mari are you going to wake up   
I know we had a really really late night last night I just want to make sure you get to school   
I’m gonna show up on your balcony don’t freak out   
I mean you aren’t going to see this if you’re asleep so you’ll probably freak out anyway  
Ok I’m just going to apologize now  
If you punt me to the other side of the country I totally understand

* * *

 

_ 8:17 in orange wake up mari!!! _

**marinette:** IM UP IM UP IM ON MY WAY OH MY GOD   
WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPNEIG NI HER E

**mystic dragon:** mari!!!

**monster alarm:** soooo many things babe  
get here so we can explain

**multivitamin:** Get here faster Mari, I think Alya is going to explode

**marinette:** Fuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkk  
Allso I hate ALL OF YOU   
WE ALL HAVE M NAMES THIS SUCK S 

**monster alarm:** i can fix this  
change ur nickname to elfentrank fairy drink

**marinette:** excuse me??????

**monster alarm:** just do it!!!!!!!!!!

**mystic dragon:** bruh

**marinette:** FINE FINE!!

**_marinette_ ** _ has changed their nickname to  _ **_elfentrank fairy drink_ **

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Are you happy???/

**monster alarm:** i am DELIGHTED

**mystic dragon:** hell yeah girl 

**multivitamin:** Did you all know this chat is exhausting

**monster alarm:** MARI GET TO CLASS

**elfentrank fairy drink:** IM GOING 

 

_ 15:03 _

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Ok  
Nino  
Why the fuck were you on the caprisun wiki page at 3 in the morning

**mystic dragon:** what else are you supposed to do at 3 in the monring?????

**monster alarm:** thats teh most valid point u could make

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Remind me how to leave this sky pe group  
And this friendship 

**mystic dragon:** wow

**monster alarm:** </3

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_multivitamin_ ** _ and  _ **_elfentrank fairy drink_ **

**elfentrank fairy drink:** We are not calling ourselves power team

**multivitamin:** Dammit  
You going to bed soon??

**elfentrank fairy drink:** It is??? Only 15:25??????

**multivitamin:** Yeah but you fell asleep during lunch

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Its fine its fine  
Im getting used to the no sleep thing for sure  
You got the same amount of sleep that I did!! Less!!!!!!

**multivitamin:** I took a nap after school before my shoot  
It was great  
It was on the floor

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Your life is a mess

**multivitamin:** So is yours bug  
You were sleeping on your desk chair when I showed up this mornin g 

**elfentrank fairy drink:** LiSTEN   
We got back at lik e 4   
I hate so many thing s  
Hawk Moth is top of the list   
Hes not the entier list because I also hate like   
Homework and stuff   
BUt hes at the TOP 

**multivitamin:** Go to bed Mari

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Adrien I cannot explain to you hOW MUCH I HAV ET O DO   
HOW DO PEOPLE IN COMICS BALANCE BEING A SUPERHERO WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

**multivitamin:** Well for one thing they aren’t real   
And we are  
And I feel like a lot of superheroes have problems balancing but Al knows more about superheroes than I do 

**elfentrank fairy drink:** IM GOING TO FAILI OUT OF SCHOOL EBCAUSE OF HAWK MOTH   
HOW DID HANNAH MONTANA DO IT 

**multivitamin:** Hannah Montana had lots of money and also? Wasn’t fighting evil

**elfentrank fairy drink:** You dont know that

**multivitamin:** Ok that’s true

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Im literally  
Drowning in work   
I cant sleep I willl neve r be able to sleep again   
OH my go d

**multivitamin:** You ok buggy? 

**elfentrank fairy drink:** No   
No??  
I dont think so  
Ahhhhhhhh help IM so tired and I have all this physics whcih what hte fuck and Im literally going to break hawk mtohs face? 

**multivitamin:** That’s relatable 

**elfentrank fairy drink:** You NEVER breakdown about this how is that fair??

**multivitamin:** I mean  
I do   
Like all the time

**elfentrank fairy drink:** ???   
Why dont  you tell m e?

**multivitamin:** Because I don’t like bothering people with my problems  
I have Plagg though and I’m used to dealing with things on my own

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Thats bullshit??? Im oyour friend and partner youre supposed to t ell m e this stuff

**multivitamin:** Ok   
Ok I will   
If you promise to go to sleep

**elfentrank fairy drink:** HA 

**multivitamin:** I’m coming over  
We can talk about emotions because sleep deprived and exhausted is the best time to do that   
And we can nap   
I’ll try to help with physics but no promises because I wasn’t payinga ttention today

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Pfff Ive never paid attention to anything ayn whreer  
FUck typin g  
But thanks

**multivitamin:** Of course <3 Be there soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no freaking clue what happened with the end there but hey this fic has to be serious sometimes i guess maybe
> 
> im on [tumblr](http://sadrien.tumblr.com/tagged/my-fics) probably talking about something not ml related because of who i am as a person


	23. in this house we love and support each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> midnight crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this because being on tumblr and seeing posts about taz hurt my heart. i was going to make this silly and meme-y, but honestly? i wasn’t feeling it. ive been having a Weird Time, and having something so important to me end earlier the day i started this didn’t help. 
> 
> and then today happened and just.........i am So Tired
> 
> we’ll get back to the goofs next time, but i tried to make the end of this chapter a bit lighter? yeah i failed (multivitamin = adrien, mystic dragon = nino, monster alarm = alya, elfen whatever the heck = mari)
> 
> hail and well met all. i hope you enjoy

_3:21 in_ **_orange wake up mari!!!_ **

**multivitamin:** Do you ever stare at the ceiling and think about the future  
And realize you have literally just  
No clue what you’re doing  
And you don’t know if you’ll be happy  
Or successful  
And you’re just looking at the ceiling  
And debating your entire life  
And looking at all these choices you have to make and paths you have to choose  
And what you HAVE chosen so far and how it’s shaped your life  
And how everything could be different if you had just changed  
That one thing  
But you didn’t  
And now you’re here  
Staring at the ceiling

 

_3:57_

**mystic dragon:** one sec  
i cant do this with this nicknam e

 **_mystic dragon_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_mental support_ **

**mental support:** first things first  
you ok? you dont sound ok

 **_multivitamin_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_existential crisis_ **

 

 **existential crisis:** I’m fine just  
Feels weird

 **mental support:** dude im sorry  
i wish i could tell you that itll all be good but we both know thats a fucking lie  
but man youve got so much going for you  
youre talented as fuck  
you come from an amazing family  
youre an awesome person  
youre super smart  
its chill if you dont know what you wanna do right now  
weve got time  
and the past is the past  
we cant change it (and yo if we could we really really shouldnt) so like…why get hung up on it  
ok that was bad wording  
its super easy to get hung up on it  
especially when its ass oclock in the morning and your brain hates you    
just like  
deep breaths man  
youre gonna be ok  
id hug you if i could but none of our parents would be chill with that 

**existential crisis: ……  
** Can we do a call

 **mental support:** of course  
you dont even have to ask  
gimme a sec to grab headphones and turn on a light

 **existential crisis:** Ok

* * *

_PM between **mental support** and **existential crisis** _

_4:06: Call started_

* * *

_6:35 in_ **_orange wake up mari!!!_ **

**_monster alarm_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_love and support_ **

**love and support:** in this chat we love and support adrien agreste  
and each other

 **_love and support_ ** _has renamed this conversation to_ **_in this house we love and respect each other_ **

**love and support:** brains suck and im sorry u feel like this marsh  
least it decided to hit u w/ that on a weekend  
r u feeling any better??

 **existential crisis:** Yeah a little  
I might go take a nap in a little bit

 **love and support:** sleep is great  
10/10 would recommend  
its like practice for death

 **mental support:** why are you up al?

 **love and support:** sisters  
they were moving around attempting to make toast or something an d knocke dover some pots  
now we r all up  
im trying to convince my mom to make pancakes

 **mental support:** best of luck dude

 **love and support:** ill send you them somehow if she does

* * *

 _PM between_ **_mental support_ ** _and_ **_existential crisis_ **

_7:13: Call ended: 3 hours 5 minutes 42 seconds_

**existential crisis:** Thank you

 **mental support:** anything for you dude <3 love you. sleep well

 **existential crisis:** I love you too

* * *

 

 _PM between existential_ ** _crisis_** _and_ **_elfentrank fairy drink_ **

**existential crisis:** I wish we could tell them

* * *

 _8:36 in_ **_in this house we love and respect each other_ **

**elfentrank fairy drink:** Does this mean  I need to change my nicknam e

 **love and support:** yes

 **elfentrank fairy drink:** Ok um  
Hol d on a sec

 **love and support:** take ur time babe

 **elfentrank fairy drink:** Got it

 **_elfentrank fairy drink_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_snack support_ **

**love and support:** amazing  
im proud of u

 **snack support:** I do have snack s  
I need to go find breakfast brb

* * *

 

 _PM between_ **_existential crisis_ ** _and_ **_snack support_ **

**snack support:** I wish we could too  
One day???

* * *

 _13:20 in_ **_in this house we love and respect each other_ **

**mental support:** sup dudes  
i just had the wildest dream  
it involved clouds, adrien flying, and like  
50 cats  
brains are fucking weird

 **snack support:** That is so many cats  
Too many cats

 **love and support:** no such thing

 **snack support:** Youre a dog person??? 

**love and support:** and??  
i want to die under a pile of animals that love me  
soft and fluff

 **mental support:** yo al did you ever get your pancakes

 **love and support:** yessss  
mom is The Best  
the twins drowned theirs in choclate sauce

 **mental support:** hell yeah  
got any left over??

 **love and support:** yup  
want lunch?

 **mental support:** *breakfast  
just woke up  
im supposed to clean the apartment today but my moms might not mind me leaving for a bit

 **love and support:** nah i wanna get out of the house for a while  
besides i wanna chill w my bf without the twins annoying me  
@mari @adri u 2 want any?  
i can swing by and/or pick u up on my way

 **mental support:** i think hes still knocked out  
hopefully he is anyway  
he looked really tired last night  
this morning  
he better still be sleep

 **snack support:** Im good al but thanks!  
Spend some time with your bf without me in the way

 **mental support:** yo wtf

 **love and support:** u!! r not in the way!!!!!!

 **mental support:** ^^^

 **snack support:** Its fine really!!! Ive got a dress to work on today!!!!

 **mental support:** youre sure?? youre not just giving us space??

 **snack support:** Yeah Im positive  
Ill send updates  
The pattern is kicking my ass

 **love and support:** kick its ass right back babe  
ill hold your flower

 **mental support:** have fun dude!!!

 **love and support:** btw ill b over in like 20 nine cool???

 **mental support:** not changing out of my pjs

 **love and support:** thats a mood  
see u then?

 **mental support:** yup! <3

* * *

 

 _PM between_ **_existential crisis_ ** _and_ **_snack support_ **

**snack support:** Im on my way over  
Dont freak out  
Which…...wont be helpful if youre asleep

 

_16:20_

**existential crisis:** I know you’re probably still on the way home but  
Thanks for coming over  <3  
And yeah  
One day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insert shrug emoji here


	24. fucking clock hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> early morning conversation and an iconic story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo whats up its been A Day and i started college here are some memes
> 
> love and support = alya  
> mental support = nino  
> snack support = marinette  
> existential crisis = adrien

_ 3:13 in i _ **_n this house we love and support each other_ **

**love and support:** mari is so beautiful   
im love her

**snack support:** Alya its too early for you to be this gay

**love and support:** its never too early for gay  
also being overtired is gay culture

**mental support:** stop blowing up my phone 

**love and support:** no!!!!!!!!!!!  
im loving mari!!!!   
join me 

**snack support:** Pleae dont 

**mental support:** oh shit   
if were talking about loving mari thats totall y a different story 

**snack support:** Why are you doing this ot m e

**love and support:** because w elove u!!!  
ur so pretty

**mental support:** your eyes are so blue  
like the sky

**love and support:** the ocean 

**mental support:** ummmm a bluer ocean

**love and support:** windex

**snack support:** Ok htis is cancleld 

**love and support:** ur cancelled

**snack support:** I though ty ou loved me

**mental support:** oh shit

**love and support:** fuck

 

_ 4:14 _

**existential crisis:** Hey do you ever wonder why we all hate sleep 

**mental support:** not sure but im super into the idea fo watching a movie right now   
anyone wanna join

**existential crisis:** Always

**love and support:** HELL YES   
i feel like mari passed out 

**mental support:** good  
one of us has to live

**love and support:** being sleep deprived is gay culture

**mental support:** is everything you do gay culture

**love and support:** yes

* * *

_ PM between  _ **_existential crisis_ ** _ and  _ **_snack support_ **

**existential crisis:** Did I just see Ladybug???   
Why are you out right now   
Anything wrong???   
Also let me teach you to how to put Skype on your yoyo its so much easier trust me  
I hope you get some sleep buggy

* * *

 

_ 6:43 in  _ **_in this house we love and support each other_ **

**_love and support_ ** _ has renamed this conversation to  _ **_fucking clock hearts_ **

**love and support:** i want to die  
what was that ending 

**mental support:** dude i need like a hug now i cant believe im crying over this

**existential crisis:** I can   
You’re a crier

**mental support:** so are you

**love and support:** that was so weird why did we do that 

**mental support:** because its almost 7 and none of us have slept

**love and support:** ok since mari is asleep we can talk about how much we love her again 

**existential crisis:** Amazing   
How do we do this 

**love and support:** random thing you love about mari  
go!!!!!

**mental support:** her hair is like. really soft and silky  
it also sorta changes color depending on the lightin g 

**existential crisis:** I’ve never thought about that before but you’re righ t  
What color is it actually??

**love and support:** mari is a brunette

**mental support:** no her hair is black 

**existential crisis:** But in some light it’s like……not? It’s like…blue

**mental support:** blue?????? 

**love and support:** BLUENETTE

**mental support:** someone kick alya out

**love and support:** haha fuck you you cant kick me out im the one who made the chat

 

_ 10:35 _

**snack support:** Why are you all lik e this

* * *

 

_ PM between  _ **_existential crisis_ ** _ and  _ **_snack support_ **

**snack support:** I needed some air   
I was getting restless  
I know we had an akum alike three days ago but I dont know   
Just really want to go ou t   
You were all up really late being ridiculous I hope you sleep well kitty

* * *

 

_ 11:45 in  _ **_fucking clock hearts_ **

**_love and support_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_ebony dark’ness dementia raven way_ **

**existential crisis:** Alya no 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** alya YES

**mental support:** thats a long ass name

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** its a tribute

**mental support:** t0 what

**existential crisis:** Oh my god 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** OH MY GOD 

**snack support:** _ oh my god _

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** DO U NOT KNOW MY IMMORTAL 

**existential crisis:** This is incredible

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** HOW DO U NOT KNO IT 

**snack support:** Nino wha t hav eyou done 

**existential crisis:** I think I could literally quote it

**mental support:** quote what????

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** THE GREATEST FANFICTION EVER WRITTEN 

**mental support:** oh nerd stuff

**snack support:** You dont understand

**existential crisis:** Wait hold on I can do this  
I was walking outside Hogwarts   
It was snowing and raining so there was no sun which I was very happy about   
A lot of preps stared at me   
I put up my middle finger at them

**snack support:** Why can you quot e so many thing s

**existential crisis:** I get bored 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** GET ON CALL LOSERS WERE DOING A DRAMATIC READING OF MY IMMORTAL

**mental support:** wait are you serious???

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** IM ALWAYS SERIOUS ABOUT MY IMMORTAL 

**snack support:** I cant believe were doing thi s

**existential crisis:** Actually   
My dad isn’t home right now   
So we could just sit on my floor and eat cookies while Alya does a dramatic reading 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** hey this is a TEAM EFFORT  
ur all getting parts

**mental support:** this is ridiculous 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** nino u don t get a role bc u gotta pay attentino   
ovbiously IM ebony  
ill split everyone else up between adrien adn mari   
which one of u wants draco and who wants vampir e

**mental support:** did you say vampire

**existential crisis:** I might as well be Draco  
Blond and rich 

**mental support:** and a slytherin   
i still stand by that 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** one fuck u adriens not  a slytherin   
two adrien change ur name for aesthetic purposes

**_existential crisis_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_draco malfoy_ **

**snack support:** I cant believe this 

**_snack support_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_vampire_ **

**mental support:** seriously who the fuck is vampire  
and whos ebony   
i thought this was harry potter

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** this is iconic thats what it is 

**vampire:** When should we come over Adrien? 

**draco malfoy:** Whenever you want? I’m just being lazy right now  
Actually warn me I’m not wearing a binder because it’s a break day and I ha ve to put one on 

**mental support:** nope nuh uh

**draco malfoy:** I’ll survive a few hours!!!

**mental support:** im gonna be over in ten ill bring that hoodie so big that we could literally both fit in it   
if you wear anything more than a sports bra ill tell nathalie 

**draco malfoy:** Oh god don’t do that 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** take care of urself marsh  
thats v important to do while reading classic literature 

**vampire:** Same as what Alay said but also Alya why 

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** dont fight me on this u kno its a classic

**mental support:** 10 minute schill dude??? 

**draco malfoy:** Yeah that’s fine

**ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** im so excited  
this is gonna be the best day ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [tumblr](http://sadrien.tumblr.com) if youd like to support me!!!! college is. v expensive


	25. tell your boyfriend if hes got beef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> us music from the early 2000s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright!!! so this chapter is a little special. its a contest!!!! 
> 
> for literally no reason at all, i decided to have a little fun with this chapter. in this chapter, there are a bunch of pop song references. the majority are from the early 2000s (before 2010, tho there may be one or two from 2011 or 12) and one is from the 90s. whoever can list the most references wins a drabble/short fic of their choice from me! 
> 
> to enter, **go to my[tumblr](http://sadrien.tumblr.com/submit) and submit a list of all the songs that were referenced in this chapter**. (or the ones you could find) it's fine if you don't have a tumblr, all you need is an email! if you don't have a tumblr PLEASE tell me what your ao3 is in the submission (and also comment on this chapter saying you've entered so i can contact you if you win!) 
> 
> i'm doing it on tumblr just because it's more fair to those who read the chapter later— it's no fun if people go through the comments to see what other people found!! 
> 
> mental support = nino, ebony = alya, draco = adrien, vampire = alya  
> i hope you enjoy!

_17:20_

**mental support:** a reminder that i hate all of you

 **ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** u love u s

 **mental support:** i can t believe you just made me listen to all of that  
what the fuck

 **draco malfoy:** Now You Know

 **mental support:** i wish i didnt

 **ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** its so good   
so iconic   
also the writer is now a fukcing awesome published author and mari and i r gonna read her books together   
join us  
we can b the nerds with a book club

 **mental support:** i just spent several hours listening to you three do a dramatic reading of my immortal  
i think weve gone past nerds with a book club

 **ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** sounds fake

 **vampire:** You cant say that wasnt a lot of fun though  
I forgot how wil d that fic got

 **mental support:** i need to process

 **draco malfoy:** Have fun

 

_5:02_

**draco malfoy:** Reasons to quit modelling:  
Early morning shoots

 **_draco malfoy_ ** _changed his name to_ **_asleep in makeup_ **

**asleep in makeup:** I can’t wait to be done today

 

_9:34_

**mental support:** i am so sorry dude  
fingers crossed that your dad stops sending you to them

 **ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** ^^^

 **mental support:** al babe  
please  
change your name

 **ebony dark’ness dementia raven way:** f i n e  
uhhhhhhhh

 **_ebony dark’ness dementia raven way_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_aint no lie_ **

**aint no lie:** baby bi bi bi

 **mental support:** i dont know what i expected

 **aint no lie:** pls choose a lyric and join me

 **mental support:** youre ridiculous why do i love you

 **_mental support_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_fool for you_ **

**aint no lie:** lmao sap

 **fool for you:** true

 

_10:02_

**vampire:** Oh my god we have so man y orders to day  
Wont be on Im dying  
Im gonna dronw in frosting

 **_vampire_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_too many cookies_ **

**fool for you:** uhhh no such thing  
let me know when youre on your break  
i wanna stop in and say hi  
and also steal some baked goods  
pull you away from baking for a bit

 **too many cookies:** My knight in shining arm or  <3

 **fool for you:** mostly hoping for cookies deemed unworthy to sell but yes  
i can work with knight

 **too many cookies:** At least youre honest  


_13:35_

**asleep in makeup:** Get me out og hits hous e

 **aint no lie:** omw  
get ready to leave boy i was in the area on a walk

 **asleep in makeup:** Thnak s

 

_13:46_

**fool for you:** let me know if i can do anything ok??  
if you need to stay the night or something that super chill  
my moms wont mind  
besides they keep trying to invite you all to dinner

 **too many cookies:** Same as what Nino said!!!   
And also what!! I love your moms Id love to go to dinner??????

 **fool for you:** yeah but theyre gonna tell embarrassing stories

 **too many cookies:** You say that like I wasnt there for most of them

 **fool for you:** yeah but adrie nand alya werent

 **too many cookies:** Ok true true

* * *

 

 _19:11 in PM between_ **_too many cookies_ ** _and_ **_alseep in makeup_ **

**asleep in makeup:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA)

**too many cookies:** Why the fuck

 **asleep in makeup:** I’m with Alya  
We’re listening to 2000 hits from the US

 **too many cookies:** Of course you are  
Are you having fun  
And feeling better??

 **asleep in makeup:** Yeah  
We’re cuddling and making fun of the music videos  
Mostly the fashion  
Also her mom brought home some food from the hotel so we don’t have to eat ramen which is both awesome and a disappointment

 **too many cookies:** Mhm  
How hard are you pining

 **asleep in makeup:** Shut up

 **too many cookies:** You love me

 **asleep in makeup:** Unfortunately  
Why are our friends just so  
Great  
Good  
Incredible  
Sos I’m getting emotional about them Mari  
I really love them what did we do

 **too many cookies:** We have really great taste obviously

 **asleep in makeup:** Man I have shitty luck

 **too many cookies:** Or the best

 **asleep in makeup:** That’s your department

 **too many cookies:** True tru e  
Are you going to survive??

 **asleep in makeup:** Yeah  
Cuddling with Alya is unfairly nice

 **too many cookies:** Tell me about it  
Anyway why this song

 **asleep in makeup:** Because I love you and just wanted to remind you

 **too many cookies:** This is the worst way to tell me that   
But I love you too   
I have to go help my mom with dinner but Ill talk to you later  <3  
Have fun  
Dont die

 **asleep in makeup:** No promises

* * *

 

 _20:02 in_ **_fucking clock hearts_ **

**_aint no lie_ ** _has renamed this conversation to_ **_tell your boyfriend if hes got beef_ **

**too many cookies:** Wha t

 **aint no lie:** THAT IM A VEGETARIAN AND I AINT FUCKING SCARED O F HIM

 **fool for you:** what the fuck

 **asleep in makeup:** We’ve been watching music videos for like 3 hours

 **aint no lie:** im liv in g

 **asleep in makeup:** My dad would die if he saw any of the outfits people are wearing in these

 **aint no lie:** american pop music from the 2000s is wild  
join us

 **fool for you:** i thik im good

 **asleep in makeup:** Youre not

 **aint no lie:** were not falling in love were just falling apart :/

 **too many cookies:** Im too tired for fake deep al

 **aint no lie:** rip im sorry babe

 **fool for you:** can i break into the bakery and get a cookie  
i need sugar

 **too many cookies:** Cn I convince you to watch a show with me or something

 **fool for you:** duh

 **too many cookies:** !!!!!!!!!  
Let me know when you get here Im just at the foot of the stairs braiding my hair  
Ill let you in  

 

_20:15_

**aint no lie:** bo y  
why are all of 3oh3s songs fucking icon ci

 **too many cookies:** 3oh3 is that supposed to like  
Mean somethin g

 **aint no lie:** idk its just another word i never learned how to pronounce

 **too many cookies:** RIp

 **fool for you:** yo mari im here

 **too many cookies:**!!!

 

_20:25_

**aint no lie:** a;lsdkfjasdf things i apparently need to do  
add chloe on snapchat

 **fool for you:** yo why

 **asleep in makeup:** She just sent me a selfie of her wearing designer shades just to hide her face cause she took her makeup off

 **aint no lie:** she is???? weirdly chill snapchattin g marhs  
whtf

 **too many cookies:** Whtf???

 **fool for you:** what hell the fuck

 **asleep in makeup:** That might have to do with us having been friends since we were like  
In diapers  
Chloe isn’t the best person but we still talk for a reason

 **aint no lie:** fair

 **fool for you:** i follow her on twitter for her rants  
theyre ridic  
they make my day

 **asleep in makeup:** Oh uh Nino can I come over when you’re done at the bakery?

 **fool for you:** yeah of course dude!!! that offers always there

 **aint no lie:** >:(

 **too many cookies:** I take it you two had this argument alread y

 **asleep in makeup:** Yup   
I feel bad invading Alya’s space for so long

 **aint no lie:** youve been around all night before!!!!!  
its not a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!  
the party dont stop

 **fool for you:** want me to steal some cookies from you

 **asleep in makeup:** Stealing is bad

 **aint no lie:** why are u leaving me!!!!!!!!!!!

 **too many cookies:** Ill let Nino tak ethe cookies then its not stealing  
Also cant you have this con vo irl??

 **asleep in makeup:** Yeah but this is better

 **aint no lie:** yeah also were comfy on the couch and itd be weird to yell at each other when were sitting like this

* * *

 

 _PM between_ **_asleep in makeup_ ** _and_ **_too many cookies_ **

**too many cookies:** Rip

 **asleep in makeup:** Please don’t make this worse

 **too many cookies:** Come on Romeo

 **asleep in makeup:** That’s not my name

 **too many cookies:** Fiiine  
You ok?? I know youre going over Ninos  
Hes getting ready to leave btw but he just mentioned that in the main chat

 **asleep in makeup:** Yeah I just  
Its been a really really messed up week

 **too many cookies:** Fair enough  
Let me know if you need anything ok???

 **asleep in makeup:** Thanks  <3  
Going from Alya to Nino will be fun

 **too many cookies:** Tonight your e fallign in love

 **asleep in makeup:** Very funny  
But let me know if you need anything too  
Ok???

 **too many cookies:** I will <3 <3

* * *

 _in_ **_tell your boyfriend if hes got beef_ **

**fool for you:** ok so  
how many cookies is too many cookies

 **aint no lie:** there is literally no such thing  
weve talked about thi s

 **fool for you:** i bet if you eat too many you could die

 **aint no lie:** come on   
let me shake up ur world  
and change ur life  
eat All The Cookies

 **fool for you:** thats too many cookies

 **aint no lie:** eat all the cookies an d die

 **fool for you:** youre just jealous that adrien is coming over

 **aint no lie:** please this isnt even jealousy  
>:/

 **fool for you:** bruh   
oh btw im leaving in like 2 minutes  
gonna steal you away from alya

 **aint no lie:** n e v e r

 **asleep in makeup:** Please save me she’s been playing the same song for like half an hour

 **aint no lie:** listen hot stuff im in loe vwith this son g

 **fool for you:** let the beat rock dude

 **asleep in makeup:** Mari pl e a s e

 **aint no lie:** i cant stop cause im haivng too much fun!!!!!!!

 

_21:35_

**aint no lie:** i cant believe ive been betrayed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **fool for you:** youre so dramatic

 **aint no lie:** this is the worst thing to ever happen o t me

 **asleep in makeup:** Its not enough to say that I miss you, is it

 **aint no lie:** no  
>:(  
tell me what i wanna hear  
and that is that ur coming bcak

 **asleep in makeup:** Sorry Al

 **fool for you:** yeah ive got a blanket fort set up still from last time so i win

 **aint no lie:** shi t

 **too many cookies:** Youre all ridiculou s  
You need to come back down t o earht   
Weve got bigger problems than this  
Liek the fact that I canT FIND MY SCISSOR S

 **aint no lie:** r i p

 **fool for you:** theyre under your chaise

 **too many cookies:** What

 **fool for you:** check

 **too many cookies:** …….   
Holy s hi t  
HO W

 **fool for you:** magic

 **aint no lie:** u might no t believe ur eyes  
but ninos magic

 **asleep in makeup:** I thought I got away from this

 **aint no lie:** nope  
<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMINDER: if youre entering the contest PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR SONG LIST IN THE COMMENTS!!!! go to my [tumblr](http://sadrien.tumblr.com/submit) to enter!!!! thank you so much!!! good luck and i hope you enjoyed!!!
> 
> (also??? 3oh3 is ICONIC if you havent actually looked at a list of their songs/songs they were featured in please do your life will be changed)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i don't know either


End file.
